


Survivor: South Park

by MourningTBStyle



Series: Randy Marsh's Survivor [1]
Category: South Park, Survivor (TV 2000)
Genre: CBS, Elimination Game, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Survivor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 14:14:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MourningTBStyle/pseuds/MourningTBStyle
Summary: Twenty South Park kids were whisked into the woods by Randy Marsh to play the game of Survivor for one hundred dollars. Who will outwit, outplay, and outlast to win it all and become the sole survivor?





	1. I Knew What I Was Doing

**Author's Note:**

> Italics means the character is having a confessional.

 

Randy stands dramatically on top of a mountain. “Twenty castaways will suffer in the extreme cold of a bum fuck town fighting to outwit, outplay, and outlast, to ultimately win the grand the prize of one hundred dollars.”

 

_Tweek standing next to a tree “Playing this game without caffeine will sure be a challenge!” Tweek shrieks as a bird flies near him._

 

_Token sitting on a log “As one of the only two black people on this season I feel the need to represent my people.”_

 

Randy takes a step forward “For the next twenty days, these children will battle to become the sole survivor!”

 

_Vampir faggily shakes his cape and hisses “I know most of these kids hate me but I’m here to prove that the darkness is on my side!”_

 

_Kyle rests his head on his hand in deep thought “We’re out here walking through the wilderness and I’m just, like, wow! I can’t believe this is really happening”_

 

_Bebe adjusts herself, “With these brand new puppies, I better be sitting at the finals!”_

 

Randy gets on a helicopter and keeps talking. “They’ll have to duke it out in challenges while enduring the elements… and each other.”

 

He steps off the helicopter onto the snowy ground where four tribe mats are resting on the snow. The castaways begin to file in from wherever they came from.

 

_Nichole throws her hair back “It’s game the fuck on.”_

 

_Cartman raises a fist. “These ass faces better respect my authoritah!”_

 

_“What the fuck’s going on here man,” Towelie hits his joint._

 

Randy smiled at the twenty kids. “You ready to get started?!”

 

They were all like “Yeah!” except Craig who just didn’t say anything.

 

Randy gestured to the four mats. “Then it’s time to divide you into your tribes, as you can see there are going to be four tribes of five. The first tribe is Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters, you’re the yellow tribe.”

 

Butters was all like “Oh boy!” as he ran over to the yellow mat to join the other four.

 

_Stan looks at some ants building an ant hole “My tribe’s pretty cool I guess, as long as Fatass doesn’t eat all the food.”_

 

Randy continues “The next tribe is Wendy, Bebe, Nichole, Red, and my own daughter Shelley. You are the pink tribe.”

 

Shelley blushes “Shut up, dad!”

 

_Wendy brushes her hair with her hand as she sits in the snow “Of course they put all the girls on to the pink tribe.” She rolls her eyes._

 

“Next up is the blue tribe, Craig, Clyde, Token, Tweek, and Towelie.”

 

Clyde helped to direct the confused Towelie over to the blue mat.

 

_Craig sighs as he watches the birds. “I hate it here.”_

 

Pete looked around at the other kids who were left and immediately put a hand over his face.

 

“And the last tribe is… Pete, Michael, Henrietta, Firkle, and Vampir. You are all the black tribe.”

 

“Why it gotta be black?” Nichole speaks up. Token nodded, his brow furrowed.

 

The goth kids were distracted by trying to stand as far away from Vampir on the black mat as possible.

 

_Vampir jumps out behind a tree and hisses. “I already can tell that I’m an outcast on my tribe, but I will prevail!” He runs away._

 

Randy claps “You all ready for the first challenge!?”

 

Everyone clapped in a nonchalant manner.

 

“This is the combined reward and immunity challenge, in addition to immunity you will be winning five extra bags of Cheesy Poofs for your tribe. Now here’s how it works. Each tribe will have to carry one member, who will have to do the puzzle, over the hill. The first tribe to finish will win immunity and the Cheesy Poofs and the second and third to finish just get immunity.”

 

Randy pulls out a gun and points in it the air. “Survivors ready?” He shoots. “Go!”

 

Tweek screams at the sound of gunfire.

 

Kyle turned to Cartman and said “Okay Fatass, you gotta drag me over the hill so that I can do the puzzle.”

 

However Cartman was distracted staring ravenously at the bags of Cheesy Poofs on the reward table.

 

“Fucking concentrate Cartman, do you want to vote someone off?” Stan badgered him.

 

Cartman swatted Stan away, “Get out of my face.” Then he picked up Kyle by the arm and started running. Stan, Kenny and Butters each supported another limb.

 

_“It’s like does he really think I don’t want to win the Cheesy Poofs?” Cartman takes a piss in the snow._

 

Shelley barked “Which of you is the smartest?”

 

Wendy coyly says “I guess I am.” Shelley throws Wendy onto her back and starts running.

 

The blue tribe unceremoniously picked up Towelie and started sprinting.

 

_Clyde leaned onto a tree. “Towelie was the lightest so it was obvious that he should be the one carried.” Clyde stares off into space._

 

Vampir hissed and swished his cape. “Who are we going to carry across, ssss?”

 

Henrietta placed a hand of her hip. “Firkle, you fag.”

 

Vampir tried to grab at Firkle but Firkle withdrew away angrily. “Don’t touch me you gay fucking piece of shit,” he spat.

 

Randy commentated from the sidelines. “Looks like the Blue tribe already has an early lead carrying the towel, with the Pink team not far behind. Black has yet to leave the gate.”

 

“Jesus Christ, let’s go Firkle, we’re losing.” Pete picked up Firkle against his will since they were already behind.

 

“And the blue team has already made it to the puzzle, GO Towelie!” Randy yelled. The blue team threw Towelie on the ground at the foot of the puzzle, where he slowly picked himself up.

 

“Uhhh, what am I doing?” Towelie mumbled.

 

“The puzzle, you retard,” Craig bitched at him.

 

“Well first, I’m gonna get a little bit high,” Towelie said, pulling out another joint.

 

Meanwhile the Pink tribe had just made it to the puzzle with the Yellow tribe right behind them. “Pink is good, GO Wendy!” Shelley dropped Wendy without ceremony, and immediately Wendy went to work on the puzzle, which she already realized was an image of Mayor McDaniels’ face.

 

_“I mean it made sense, the Mayor is a cultural icon of the area,” Wendy gesticulated pretentiously at the shore of Stark’s Pond._

 

Cartman threw Kyle onto the ground “Hurry up Jew! I want them Cheesy Poofs!”

 

“Ow fuck.” Kyle rubbed his tuckus and he stood up to quickly place pieces together. He made some rapid progress but Wendy was already in the final stages of the puzzle.

 

“COME ON JEW HURRY THE FUCK UP!” Cartman screamed.

 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP CARTMAN, I’M TRYING TO WORK!” Kyle turned around completely from the puzzle to get all defensive at Cartman.

 

Wendy slid the last piece of the Mayor’s blue hair into place. “Yes!” she yelled.

 

“PINK TRIBE WINS IMMUNITY AND THE FIVE BAGS OF CHEESY POOFS!” Randy yelled throwing a finger from each hand in the air.

 

Red jumps up and down “YES!”

 

Shelley just nods like she knew they would get first.

 

“Towelie are you ready to start the fucking puzzle yet?” Clyde said with attitude as Towelie took a fat rip off his joint.

 

“Uhh, almost ready kids!” Towelie coughed.

 

_Towelie coughs up a loogie on the sidewalk. “I know these kids might not think much of me just because sometimes I like to get a little bit high. When they get older they’ll understand.” he lights another one up._

 

At that moment the Black tribe finally showed up and dumped Firkle at the puzzle.

 

Stan looked around with concern. “Kyle you really better hurry up, everyone else is here now.”

 

“Relax I’m almost done,” Kyle told Stan as he easily slid the last few pieces into place.

 

“YELLOW TRIBE WINS IMMUNITY!” Randy yelled. “Now it’s down to Blue and Black, one of you is going to tribal.”

 

Firkle started sweating as the pressure got to him. “Fuck!” As he accidently let a puzzle piece slip from his fingers.

 

Henrietta clapped her thighs together as she jumped. “You can do it, Firkle!”

 

Towelie finally finished smoking his joint and started looking at the puzzle. “It’s a kitty!” he said contently, then started rearranging the pieces randomly.

 

“Holy shit.” Token uttered as he realized Towelie was actually completing the puzzle.

 

“It’s beautiful!” Towelie rubbed the finished puzzle of Mayor McDaniels’.

 

“BLUE TRIBE WINS IMMUNITY!” The Blue tribe rejoiced loudly, raising Towelie up on their shoulders as their champion.

 

_Towelie sniffs some glue. “See I knew what I was doing the whole time,” he falls over._

 

All of the castaways returned to their mats. Randy looked over to the Black Tribe. “Goths, I have nothing for you. I’ll be seeing you at Tribal Council tonight.

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 1**

* * *

 

 

_Butters sat in a field of flowers. “I’m really happy that we won immunity today, because I think these fellas might have booted me first.”_

 

“You fucking suck Kyle! We got second to that whore!?” Cartman lambasted Kyle again.

 

_Stan standing behind the shelter Kenny and Butters were feverishly working on before nightfall. “Kyle and Cartman being at each other’s throat is not going to be healthy for our tribe, I can just feel it.”_

 

**Pink Tribe**

**Day 1**

* * *

 

 

As soon as the ladies walked into their camp, Red had excitedly planned how the tribe’s shelter would be built. “I know! We could build our shelter out of rocks!”

 

Wendy patted Red’s shoulder condescendingly, “That’s a great idea, but I think it would be better if we used the tarp they gave us.”

 

_Shelley standing very confidently “I know I was recruited to be on the show by my dad, but I think this isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.”_

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 1**

* * *

 

 

Token looking befuddled as the rest of the tribe started to build a campsite. “What do you mean we have to sleep outside?”

 

Tweek fiddled with some rope trying to tie a knot. “I-it’s survivor dude, you know?”

 

_Token had his arms crossed “I don’t get how everyone could be so comfortable with sleeping outside, we’ll freeze to death!”_

 

**Black Tribe**

**Day 1**

* * *

 

Pete and Michael were standing next to the haphazard shelter they built as Henrietta and Vampir went off to find firewood and Firkle went off to smoke by himself.

 

“So we’re voting out Firkle right?” Pete bluntly stated.

 

Michael taken aback. “I thought we were going to vote out that douche vampire kid.”

 

“I mean Firkle cost us the challenge, he should go. If I fucked up the puzzle, I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys voted me out for it. It’s only fair.” Pete explained.

 

_Pete flipped his dyed hair. “There’s no way us four goth kids will make it to the final four, there’s also no way Makowski, excuse me ‘Vampir’, will flip from us because he’s expecting to get cut first. We should keep him around and use him to our advantage later.”_

 

“That does make sense though.” Michael looked to the ground.

 

_Michael leaned on his cane. “I can’t believe that this first vote is actually going to be hard...fuck man.”_

 

_Firkle was standing alone smoking a cigarette. “Even though I totally blew the first challenge, I think that I should be fine.”_

 

Meanwhile, Henrietta and Vampir were looking for things to burn with their lighters for warmth when Vampir suggested “So do I have your vote per se?”

 

Henrietta “Oh, yeah  I guess.”

 

_Henrietta stamped out a cigarette “I’m not voting with this faggy vamp kid, he has to be fooling himself if he thinks I would write Firkle’s name down over him._

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 1**

* * *

 

 

The black tribe sluggishly walked to tribal council with their torches. There were five lawn chairs as Randy stood being highlighted by the light of the many candles behind him. “Come on in.” he greeted. “Everyone dip your torch into a candle because once your flame is out so are you.”

 

“That's gay.” Pete remarked as he dipped his torch into a candle.

 

They all sat down as Randy started tribal council. “So Firkle, do you feel like it’s your fault that the Black tribe is here tonight?”

 

Firkle angrily snaps “Get off my ass, old man.”

 

“Alright, Vampir, you seem to already be an outcast, do you think that you might be going home first?” Randy continued.

 

“I mean anything could happen per se, but probably.” Vampir looked to the ground.

 

Henrietta raised her hand. “Can we vote already?”

 

Randy sighed “Fine. Henrietta, you’re up first.”

 

Henrietta got up to walk to Sparky’s dog house roof where pieces of paper and a marker were waiting there.

 

Henrietta wrote quickly in cursive. [Mike Makowski] “I thought I would write your real name, you delusional twat.”

 

Pete quickly ran up and voted.

 

Firkle voted next and in a sloppy scribble [Vampir] “It’s either you or me.”

 

Michael followed looking distraught before he voted.

 

Vampir voted last. [Firkle] “Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so slow on the puzzle per se?”

 

Randy spoke once Vampir was back in his seat. “I’ll go tally the votes. This is so exciting!”

 

Randy returned with the shoebox with a slit cut into it with him. “Once the votes are read, the decision is final, the person voted out will have to leave tribal council immediately, and walk through my house. I’ll read the votes.”

 

Randy pulled out the first vote.

 

[Mike Makowski] “Mike? Oh that’s Vampir.” Randy chuckled.

 

“Next Vote.”

 

[Vampir]

 

“That’s two for Vampir.”

 

Vampir frowns.

 

[Firkle]

 

Randy quickly opens the next vote.

 

[Firkle]

 

“That’s two votes for Vampir and two votes for Firkle with one vote left.”

 

Randy picked up the final vote.

 

“And the first person voted out of Survivor: South Park is…”

 

Randy flips the vote.

 

[Vampir]

 

“Vampir, I’ll need you to bring me your torch.”

 

Vampir skulked as he grabbed his torch and headed over to Randy.

 

“Vampir, the tribe has spoken.”

 

Vampir opened the back door and walked off.

 

“Now black tribe, hopefully this will get you into gear because I know as easy as that vote seemed, you won’t want to be making another boot anytime soon. Head back to camp.”

 

The black tribe stood up, grabbed their torches, and cheesed it back to camp since they were freezing their nipples off.

 

_Vampir sitting in a recliner in the Marsh’s living room while Sharon disapproves in the background “I mean I’m only really shocked that it was a three to two vote, and not a four to one. They didn’t like me so I really had no chance per se. Good luck to everyone I guess._

  


**_Next Time on Survivor: South Park:_ **

* * *

  

_Tweek sitting under a tree. “The pressure of the game is really getting to me!”_

 

_Also, a twist shakes up the game._

 

_Cartman pushing Kyle. “Get the fuck out of my way, Jew boy!”_


	2. Thought They Were My Friends

Randy poses dramatically in front of Tom’s Rhinoplasty. “Previously on… Survivor.”

 

A shot plays of Vampir jumping out from behind a tree. “Twenty unique castaways were brought to the wilderness of Colorado to test their physical and mental endurance against the elements… and each other.”

 

“At the first combined reward and immunity challenge, the stakes were high.” A shot plays of Cartman dragging Kyle over the hill so they could win the Cheesy Poofs. “The all-girl pink tribe pulled into first thanks to Wendy’s puzzle skills, while Towelie and Firkle both stumbled.” A shot of Towelie getting high at the puzzle board.

 

“When the Goths lost immunity, the obvious outcast Vampir thought he could find an opening in targeting Firkle, but it was in vain as he was voted out three to two. Nineteen castaways remain… who will be voted out tonight?” The camera zoomed out from Randy dramatically.

 

**Black Tribe**

**Night 1**

* * *

 

The goth kids walked back from tribal council all a bit in shock at the not nonconformist vote.

 

_ “Was I surprised that dumbass Vampir got voted out? No.” Henrietta stands in the woods with a hand on her hip. “But I was honestly shocked that Firkle’s name came up twice. I thought the goths were a family, but I guess not,” she flicks her cigarette butt. _

 

“So which one of you fags voted for me?” Firkle accused Michael and Pete.

 

_ Michael took a long drag from his cigarette “Firkle came in really hot when we got back to camp. It almost made me wish that I voted for him instead of that loser vamp kid.” _

 

“It was me! Are you happy?” Pete dramatically lashed out.

 

“Whatever Pete, good to know where you stand.” Firkle turned away and walked off to smoke a cigarette.

 

_ “I don’t feel bad about it,” Pete flips his hair, “Firkle is the reason we lost the challenge, and we need a strong tribe to survive. Plus if we kept Mike Makowski he would have been a shoe-in for the next one gone, nobody can stand him. So no, I’m not sorry Firkle.” _

 

_ Firkle angrily smokes a cigarette, sitting on the shore of Stark’s Pond. “I need to prove myself to these faggots, I thought they were my friends but it looks like I’m the next to go, god damnit.” _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

_ Tweek stands nervously next to a tall tree. “So last night I was woken up by the smell of smoke.” _

 

Tweek jolted awake from his comfortable towel bed and yelped “Oh Jesus!”

 

Token, Clyde, and Craig were rudely awoken by Tweek’s voice. “What the fuck Tweek.” Craig said flatly.

 

“Guys I-I think our camp is on fire!”

 

“That’s just Towelie sparking a joint, dumbass.” Token snapped at Tweek. At the far end of the towel a puff of smoke slowly rose.

 

_ Token sharpens a piece of wood. “Honestly, Tweek does more harm than good for our tribe. He’s a wreck, and even though Towelie can’t go five minutes without the loud it’s really a tough call as far as who should go first.” _

 

**Pink Tribe**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

_ Bebe thoughtfully sits on a stump, “The first night was rough. It was cold and our shelter was only half finished, plus our beds were made out of rocks, which… thanks, Red. Anyway, it’s a new day, we’re still five strong, and I’m ready to keep winning.” _

 

Wendy and Nichole worked to get a fire going, as Red finally got out of bed and stretched out, yawning. She walked over to the fire and sad on a stump silently.

 

_ Red forlornly hugs her knees. “I feel… a little tired, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I just feel kind of depressed and I feel, I feel used… and so, last night, Shelly threw her arms over me and really pulled me close into her, which was kind of okay with me in the beginning because it’s cold out here but um… she started to, like, really, um, become really kind of sexual… I mean, specifically, she was grinding against me…” _

 

A few minutes later, Shelly woke up and walked over to help with the fire. Red stood up. “Um, Shelly, last night, you were kind of getting handsy…”

 

Bebe looked at Shelly with mortified surprise.

 

“Shut up nerd, I was asleep, in my dreams I was lying next to Stan crushing his skull,” Shelly replied dismissively. Red sat down.

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

_ Kyle sat in the snow twirling his ginger locks. “I was talking to Stan earlier and we agreed to have an alliance together so we can rid of that fat tub of lard first.” _

 

Cartman had whisked Butters away early in the morn to strategize with him. “So you know Butters, only two of us can get Xbox Ones, the others are there to just get us through the doors.”

 

Butters nodded in agreement.

 

_ Butters gaily pranced in the shallow waters of Stark’s Pond. “It sure was nice of Cartman to include me!” _

 

_ Kenny removed his hood to reveal his dashing good looks. “It’s obvious that I’m the swing vote as soon as we go to tribal council, to be honest that kind of turns me on.” Kenny adjusted himself at thought of power. _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

“Come on in, guys!” from different directions the four tribes filed onto their mats, responding to Randy’s call. “And get your first new look at the Black tribe, Vampir voted out at the first tribal council.” The other kids did not react because this was not a surprise.

 

“Alright, you guys ready to get started on your next Immunity challenge?”

 

The castaways responded with “Yeah!”s of varying levels of excitement, except for Red.

 

“For today’s challenge four of you will have to make it across a balance beam and complete a puzzle hosted by our special guest, Officer Barbrady!”

 

“Hi!” Officer Barbrady chimed at the end of the obstacle course.

 

“The tribe that places first will get a pig to bring back to their camp. So Pink, Yellow, Blue, you each need to sit one person out.” Randy explained.

 

“I’ll volunteer!” Red’s hand shot up.

 

Kyle quickly pointed at Cartman. “Fatass, you have to sit this one out.” 

 

“I’m not fat you fucking Jew, can’t Jews not balance on balance beams anyway?”

 

Stan eyed Cartman viciously. “Well do you  _ want  _ to do it?”

 

Cartman looked at the challenge and was all like, “I guess nah.”

 

Token quickly said “The towel is sitting out.”

 

“Hey!” Towelie was shut DOWN as Tweek nodded so as to not cause a quarrel. 

 

But then Clyde clutched his stomach. “Uh, it’s okay guys, I actually have really bad poop cramps right now, I should sit out.” 

 

“Okay so, Cartman, Red and Clyde take a seat on the bench, it’s time to get started.”

 

Everyone got in position as Randy again pulled out his gun. “Survivors ready? GO!” Randy shot a flying goose overhead.

 

Tweek was the first to run up to the balance beam, shaking wildly. “Jesus Christ.” he muttered as he tried desperately to regain his balance, but he was so nervous that he pissed his pants as he fell off.

 

Wendy, Stan, and Michael all run across like they weren’t retarded.

 

“Blue team is behind right out the gate!” Randy observed.

 

Towelie tried to get on the balance beam after Tweek fell, and got halfway across before a strong gale of wind swept past and pushed him right off.

 

“God damnit,” Clyde said from the bench.

 

Henrietta tiptoes her way through since her mother forced her take those damn ballet lessons. She jumped pass the finish line and queefs. “Take that mother, you cunt!”

 

Kyle, despite being Jewish successfully moved on without any problems.

 

Craig not giving a fuck finally finished the beam for his tribe.

 

Bebe did a cartwheel across the balance beam to be a show off and because she could.

 

_ Bebe’s hair flew in the wind. “I really don’t care what these people think of me. I know I’m going to be the sole survivor.” _

 

_ Token continues to sharpen his stick. “Our team was already like way behind, I knew I had to do something.” _

 

Token ran the fuck across that balance beam and reached the other side while Nichole, Pete, and Kenny were only a third of the way across. Tweek ran up behind him to try to close the gap, but was still shaking too much and fell off immediately.

 

_ “I was up on that beam and there was so much going on, but I just kept telling myself, look forward, you got this girl.” Nichole sits on the slope of a small hill. “But I wasn’t at all ready for what happened next.” _

 

Kenny slipped off the beam right near the end and fell head first and cracked his head open, however his corpse made it past the black line so only Butters, had to complete the beam, yet he was too busy screaming at all of the blood on the ground. 

 

_ Firkle reapplying eyeliner. “That was really hardcore.” _

 

“Looks like Kenny is dead and can no longer compete in the challenge.” Randy commentated. “This could be a huge blow to the Yellow tribe’s chances!”

 

Nichole continued to look forward and not give a fuck, hopping to the platform on the other side. “Come on Shelly, it’s all you!”

 

Butters, Shelly, and Firkle all got on the balance beam to join the rest of their tribes while Towelie climbed on to try to get across again. Butters was still freaking out about the blood as he inched across.

 

Stan was losing his patience. “Come on Butters, just close your eyes and don’t even look at it, we can still win!”

 

Butters yelped and trotted across like a fag, shockingly not falling off even though his eyes were closed.

 

“Yellow is across, GO on the puzzle!” Randy yelled. 

 

Officer Barbrady walked over to the Yellow tribe. “Hi kids.”

 

Shelly looked over at Butters viciously - she wanted this reward. She tried to speed up but then lost her balance slightly, and after wavering she started to fall, but the balance beam caught her on the cunt.

 

“OW!” Shelly screamed, but she only needed a second to recover before she could pick herself up and slowly start humbling across again.

 

Towelie, employing a new strategy of wrapping himself around the balance beam, quickly shimmied his way across, pulling ahead of Shelly and Firkle, who had tiny ass legs and was therefore slow as fuck.

 

Kyle struggled to put the puzzle together due to his grief over Kenny’s death. Randy sideways ran across the length of the course from the sideline. “Yellow is making slow progress on the puzzle, and the other tribes are only one member behind, it’s anyone’s game! It’s Shelly, Firkle, and Tweek!”

 

Shelly gritted her teeth through the pain and rushed to the other side. “GO, Pink!” Randy shouted, and they started the puzzle.

 

Officer Barbrady talked “The hint is T is for…”

 

“TURTLE!” Kyle shouts as he correctly places the scrabble tiles in the correct order.

 

“YELLOW WINS IMMUNITY AND A PIG!” Randy shouts as he throws his hands up in the air like he just don’t care. 

 

“Damnit,” Wendy said under her breath as she peered over to the Yellow tribe’s solution to figure out the puzzle. 

 

_ “It sucked because I really wanted that pig for our tribe,” Wendy clutches a bundle of firewood pensively. “But I knew once Kyle figured out the puzzle I could use his solution to keep my tribe safe.” _

 

As Tweek fell off the balance beam yet again, Firkle finally inched his way over to the other side. “GO, Black!” 

 

Pete, Michael, and Henrietta quickly got to work, while Firkle wasn’t even tall enough to see the board. Officer Barbrady walked over with a retarded smile. “You need some help there little boy?” he bent over to pick a reluctant Firkle up, knocking over the Black team’s puzzle in the process. “Oopsie!”

 

Meanwhile Wendy had easily finished the puzzle. “Turtle!” she said confidently.

 

“PINK WINS IMMUNITY!” All the ladies squirted simultaneously at the news.

 

“RUN, Tweek!” Token shouted over to the other side of the beam. “The goths got fucked up by the white devil cop, we can still win this!”

 

_ “I knew that my tribe was counting on me, and that’s what made me so nervous,” Tweek looks at a snowbank dejectedly. “I just couldn’t stop shaking, goddamnit I need some coffee.” _

 

The Goth kids managed to get their puzzle board back up as Tweek tried to calm himself and inch across.

 

“RUN, TWEEK!” Token barked. Tweek shuddered so hard he almost fell off.

 

Pete looked at the puzzle pieces. “What the fuck is this supposed to be?”

 

“It’s fucking Turtle, did you not hear anything that just happened?” Henrietta quickly put the pieces together to burn this immunity challenge down.

 

“BLACK WINS IMMUNITY!” Randy yelled, and Tweek jumped off the beam defeatedly. He walked over to the mat to join his tribe, where Token and Clyde were glaring at him.

 

“Blue tribe, I have nothing for you,” Randy said as he handed out Immunity idols to the other three tribes and gave the leash of the small pig to Cartman. “But before you go back to camp I have one more thing to tell you…”

 

The camera panned over the alarmed, questioning looks of the castaways.

 

_ Craig stares forward blankly. “Oh no.” _

 

_ Bebe nervously clutches her tits between two trees. “I really like my tribe and where I’m at in the game, I’m not ready for a twist.” _

 

“Each camp has one hidden immunity idol, that you can play after the votes have been cast.”

 

Red gasps. 

 

_ Red braiding her hair. “This changes everything!”  _

 

“Now get back to camp, Blue tribe I’ll see you at tribal council tonight, and Yellow tribe, enjoy your pig!”

 

Stan led his tribe away victoriously. “This pig is for you, Kenny!”

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

_ Kenny miraculously reincarnated all buff, in the nude “I wanna eat the pig.”  _

 

Cartman pushing Kyle “Get the fuck out of my way, Jew boy! I’m gonna cook me some bacon!”

 

_ “I fucking hate that we won this stupid pig, Cartman only wants to eat it when in fact pigs are highly intelligent creatures and I am morally against it.” Kyle said indignant as his curls bounced in the cold winds. _

 

**Pink Tribe**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

Bebe aimlessly wandered through the woods, looking for firewood.

 

_ “When Randy said there were Hidden Immunity Idols, I thought Wendy would find it first for sure,” Bebe twirls her hair in her fingers as she sits on the sidewalk. _

 

She arrived at a small clearing with flowers blooming. “Pretty!” she said blankly. Then she noticed a small crafted object nestled in the middle of the clearing. She walked over and picked it up.

 

_ “But there it was, calling my name right after the challenge,” Bebe pulls out her idol and flaunts it in front of the camera before sticking it back in her panties. _

 

Bebe gasped as she read the small note attached to the idol. “This is a hidden immunity idol, you can use it only once before the votes have been read at a tribal council before the final five, and all votes against you will be negated.” She jumped up and down in excitement.

 

_ “This game is mine to lose now.” Bebe tossed her hair. _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 2**

* * *

 

 

_ Tweek sitting under a tree. “The pressure of the game is really getting to me!” _

 

Tweek anxiously searched for more berries in the forest while Towelie took a walk to smoke a joint. Meanwhile, Token, Clyde and Craig talked at the fire.

 

“I think it’s clear that the tribe’s three greatest assets are sitting right here,” Token said pompously.

 

Clyde nodded. “They’re both fucking crazy, honestly. I would be okay with voting out either one of them.

 

_ Token stared at a bush in thought. “I feel really confident going into this tribal council, I got my boys Clyde and Craig, and we’re going to trim the fat off this tribe.” _

 

_ Craig blinked two times before speaking “I really don’t fucking care.” _

 

Token held out both of his arms in a judgmental gesticulation. “Like, it’s really a competition which one of them is the worst.” He laughed with Clyde.

Meanwhile, Tweek pulled Towelie aside on the shore of Stark’s pond. “I’m nervous, Towelie.”

 

“So what the fuck’s new,” Towelie sighed as he tossed his roach.

 

“I don’t think the other guys like me much anymore, and I think honestly we’re both in danger,” Tweek stammered.

 

_ “I feel like my words are falling on deaf ears,” Tweek pulled at his hair. “Well, actually, I don’t think towels have ears. But I think that if I want a chance of staying in this game, me and him need to stick together.” _

 

Later, Towelie was helping to stoke the fire when a spark flew at him and he caught on fire. “Ahh help!” Towelie yelped. Tweek ran over and stomped the fire out on the ground. From the shelter, Token looked on, rolling his eyes.

 

_ Token looking all thug. “I really can’t stand that fucking towel, all he does is smoke and be a nuisance to the tribe.” _

 

Token said something at normal conversational volume, but he was all the way over at the shelter so from the perspective of the fire it had to be in captions, “So how is a towel gonna survive in the wilderness?” Towelie pretended not to hear as he got up and brushed the dirt off of himself.

 

_ “I’m getting really fucking tired of being called a towel.” Towelie hits his joint aggressively. _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 2**

* * *

 

 

The blue tribe filed into tribal council and dipped their torches into the fire.

 

Randy addressed them from his podium, “In this game, fire represents your life.”

 

Towelie was really high so he shuddered a bit at the depth of this statement.

 

“So Clyde,” Randy began without mercy, “what is your criteria for who to vote out tonight?”

 

“Well, uh, I think we need to vote out the weakest link, so that we don’t keep losing,” Clyde looked at the ground nervously.

 

“And do you think you are the weakest link?”

 

“No,” Clyde said quietly.

 

“Does anyone here feel as if they may be perceived by the tribe as weak?”

 

After a few seconds, Tweek shakily raised his hand. Randy addressed him with faux-surprise. “Tweek, do you think you’re in danger tonight?”

 

Tweek stumbled over his words nervously. “Well, definitely yeah, it’s - them three have the majority of the votes so they’ll - it’s either me or Towelie.”

 

Token shook his head. Randy jumped on it with excitement. “Token, you look like you think what he’s saying is ridiculous. Do you disagree that Tweek and Towelie are in danger tonight?”

 

“Well Randy, I don’t really feel as if my opinion is what matters here,” Token said matter-of-factly. “It’s just clear as day that there are three of us on this tribe who are here to play, one who is a complete anxious wreck, and a fucking towel.”

 

Towelie turned to Token and glared. “You’re a fucking towel.”

 

“But you are actually a goddamn towel! You caught on fire today!” Token got all up in Towelie’s face. Craig shook his head, overwhelmed.

 

“Craig,” Randy took note of even the slightest movement, “do you think it matters that Towelie is a towel?”

 

“Honestly, Stan’s dad, I really don’t fucking care at all. This whole experience has been really annoying and everyone has been yelling and stupid,” Craig deadpanned. “You guys might as well just vote me out tonight, I don’t even want to be here.”

 

Randy’s jaw dropped. “Are you asking to be voted out, Craig?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

Clyde nervously touched Craig on the shoulder. “We have to stick to the plan, Craig.”

 

“See?!?!” Tweek piped up explosively. “The three of them have a plan against me and Towelie!”

 

“Actually, you know what, maybe we shouldn’t stick to the plan,” Token said furiously, “This fucking towel wants to target me for my race, and that’s just… inexcusable.”

 

“Alright, well, it sounds like there are a lot of feelings that need to be let out with this vote. I’ll let you guys get to it. Towelie, you are first.” Randy tensely told Towelie.

 

Towelie waddled up to vote. [Token] “I wanna toke you out of this game!” Towelie rolled a joint to purposely take a long time voting since he thought he was probably a goner.

 

Clyde voted next,but the camera only shot the back of him to show off that fine ass. “Have to stick to the plan.”

 

Token briskly walked up to vote. [The Towel] “I’ll call you whatever I want TOWEL!” Token’s voice raised a bit.

 

Craig was the next to vote, the camera again showing some fine ass. “Whatever.” Craig voted.

 

Tweek, the last vote wrote crisply, yet the camera doesn’t show who he votes for. “Jesus fucking christ that was a mess, but it might just work.”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes.” Craig flipped Randy off.

 

“If anyone has a hidden immunity idol, now would be the time to play it.”

 

“What’s an idol?” Towelie hiccups.

 

“Alright I’ll read the votes.”

 

“First vote.”

 

[The Towel]

 

“That’s fucking disrespectful.” Towelie pouted.

 

[Token]

 

“Next vote” Randy whispered for suspense.

 

[Tweek]

 

Tweek’s head dropped into his hands.

 

“That’s one vote for Token, Towelie, and Tweek. There’s 2 votes left.”

 

Randy looks shocked at the next vote.

 

[Token]

 

“And the second person voted out Survivor South Park is…”

 

[Token]

 

Token looked at both Clyde and Craig in absolute fury. “What the fuck, guys.”

 

Clyde, cried at the revelation, as Craig just looked forward at Randy, ignoring Token.

 

Token walked over to Randy holding his torch. “Token… the tribe has spoken.” Randy snuffed his torch.

 

Token turned around vengefully. “This tribe is fucked without me.” He walked away in a huff.

 

“Well it looks like this tribal did not at all go as planned. This tribe needs to unify before it crashes and burns. Alright, get back to camp.”

 

The blue tribe walked off surprised at what had just transpired.

 

_ Token sat in the recliner while Sharon baked cookies in the kitchen. “That was such bullshit, I’m so furious that I could spit. They’re a bunch of idiots! _

 

**_Next time on… SURVIVOR:_ **

* * *

 

_ Stan grabbed Kyle’s arm. “Kyle, we might just have to kill it. Let it go.” _

 

_ Tweek smiles next to a bush. “It’s a brand new day for us!” _

 

_ Red throws rocks into Stark’s pond, screaming with anger. _

 

_ Nichole makes a face as she sits on a rock, “What the hell?!?!?” _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For less confusions, the votes were Craig, Tweek, and Towelie for Token. Clyde voted for Tweek, and Token voted for Towelie. Thank you for reading!


	3. A Brand New Day

Randy stood on his roof. “Previously on… SURVIVOR.”

 

The footage plays of Tweek stomping the flames off of Towelie. “Things really heated up at the Blue Tribe when they lost the Immunity challenge. Even though it looked like Token had the majority,” switch to a shot of Token, Clyde and Craig at the fire, “his unexpected outburst at Towelie at tribal lost him his allies and he was blindsided.”

 

Shot switches to Bebe wandering through the woods like a dumbass. “Meanwhile, on the Pink Tribe, Bebe stumbled upon the Hidden Immunity Idol, while the sleeping situation led to a conflict between Red and Shelly,” snippet of Red’s whiny confessional. “18 are left… who will be voted out tonight?”

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Night 2**

* * *

_ In the night vision lens Tweek looked even more crazy than before. “Did that just work or am I dreaming right now?” He cackled. “I’m pretty sure when Clyde said to stick to the plan, he was talking about me.” _

 

Clyde returned to camp sobbing still over being blindsided. “I can’t believe that happened.” He cried under the tarp pathetically.

 

_ Craig sat in the snow pretzel legged “Clyde needs to get the fuck over it. He’s such a fucking crybaby and there is no way in hell he is going to win.” _

 

Later in the dark, Clyde pulled Craig aside into the woods. “Why did you flip?” Clyde whispered, his eyes still puffy.

 

“I didn’t flip, I never said I was voting for anybody, and Token thought he could tell me what to do,” Craig replied indifferently.

 

_ “Everything went wrong,” Clyde continued to cry sitting in the middle of a clearing. “I thought we were an alliance, and now I’m out here all alone… I know I’m next.” _

 

**Pink Tribe**

**Night 2**

* * *

Red wandered away from the shelter in the dark, all by herself.

 

_ “After what happened last night with Shelly I don’t think I can sleep tonight,” Red said in the night vision lens deep in the woods.  _

 

Back at the shelter, Shelly and Wendy had already fallen asleep, while Bebe and Nichole sit at the low fire. Bebe looks around for a moment and whispered, “Where’d Red go?”

 

_ “Honestly, I think Red is pretty weird, she was doing the most over the whole Shelly thing,” Nichole whispers in the night next to a large rock. “But Bebe was getting all scared that she lost herself out in the woods so we had to go out and find her.” _

 

Nichole split off from Bebe to look on one side of the camp. Suddenly she heard Red screaming and splashes of water.

 

_ Nichole makes a face at the camera. “What the hell?!?!?!” _

She came through the trees to the shore of Stark’s pond, where she could see Red heaving rocks into the water and shrieking.

 

_ Red sops up her tears with a pinecone. “I’ve really hit my breaking point.” _

 

Back at the fire, Nichole animatedly told Bebe what she had seen, “Bitch has lost it!”

 

“Maybe we should just go talk to her,” Bebe arched an eyebrow in concern.

 

“I don’t need nothing to do with her, we should just vote her out next,” Nichole said pettily, just loud enough to be overheard by Red, who was just returning to camp.

 

“Excuse me?!?” Red shouted, provoking a gasp from Bebe who had no idea she was there.

 

Nichole angrily turned to Red. “Well it doesn’t seem like you really want to be here ever since you got molested,” she said scathingly. Bebe intervened, wanting no part of the drama.

 

“How dare you make fun of the fact that I was VIOLATED!” Red screamed with tears in her eyes. “I was sexually  _ violated.  _ To have some girl come up, she passed three other girls in the shelter, and never touched them. And she went too far, she crossed the line, and she crossed the line with ME.”

 

Nichole didn’t really give a shit and tried to intervene. “Well-”

 

Red cut her off, “Okay, I know you don’t know, you didn’t see it because her back was to you, she’s too big of a fucking slob to see around,” at this point she was yelling loud enough that it woke up Wendy and Shelly. Her voice cracked. “I was violated, humiliated, dehumanized, and totally  _ spent _ , Nichole. It wasn’t  _ sort of,  _ Nichole, because her back was  _ to you,  _ Nichole. That’s all I’m--”

 

“OH MY GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING NERD, I’M TRYING TO SLEEP,” Shelly shouted menacingly.

 

Red strode away to throw more rocks into the pond.

 

_ Wendy floats in the pond calculatingly. “At this point Red is pretty much dead weight, but it would be stupid for me to vote her out. Her, Bebe and I have been friends for a long time and she’s only making herself a more attractive candidate for me to go against in front of the jury.” _

 

_ “Nichole has such a bad fucking attitude,” Red hits two rocks together. “I guess the truth can’t make it to her brain under all that nappy fucking hair.” _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 3**

* * *

_ “We’ve been out here for like a week or something now and when I woke up this morning I was fucking STARVING,” Cartman conversationally leans against a branch. “I was ready to eat the piggy.” _

 

“Moooooooom,” Cartman whined as he lay under the shelter before realizing that he wasn’t at home and he had to get food for himself. Leaving the other sleeping boys in the shelter, Cartman walked over to the small pen they had made for the pig.

 

_ “I knew if I just threw it on the fire while the Jew was still asleep he couldn’t do anything about it,” Cartman still at the tree branch. “But when I went over to the pen…” _

 

Cartman approached the pen to see that the pig was gone.

 

“WHERE IS MR. PIGGY?” Cartman shrieked, awakening the rest of his tribe.

 

“What the fuck is wrong Cartman,” Kyle said as he smoothed his bedhead.

 

“I think you know what the fuck is wrong you fucking gay hippie Jew, you took the pig!”

 

“ _ What?”  _ Kyle’s voice cracked. “You already know I can’t eat it, retard!”

 

“Exactly, so you took it in the night and hid it away somewhere so that me and Keeny couldn’t eat it!” Cartman accused in a rapidfire fashion.

 

_ “So we woke up this morning and the pig was gone, and Cartman and Kyle were at each other’s throats. Big surprise,” Stan kicked a rock with bags under his eyes. “So Kyle got all defensive and insisted that we just split up and look for the pig, to prove it had just gotten out.” _

 

Cartman and Butters walked through the woods together in search.

 

“I think I see piggy tracks going this way,” Butters chirped as he looked at arbitrary marks on the ground.

 

“We’re wasting time, Butters, all we’re doing is giving Keel a chance to run off to wherever he hid the pig and set it free,” Cartman said viciously.

 

“Ooooh,” Butters replied, bewildered.

 

_ Butters stares at the ground sadly. “I wish we never won this pig.” _

 

_ “Kyle thinks he can outplay me with his Jew trickery, but his days here are numbered,” Cartman at the branch again. “As soon as we leave he is the first to go- Butters, Keeny and me are locked in for the final 3.” _

 

**Black Tribe**

**Day 3**

* * *

_ “Things have been going pretty slow here, we refuse to conform to having stupid conformist drama like the other tribes,” Michael combs his hair. _

 

As Pete and Michael went to collect firewood for the day, Firkle sat at the fire with Henrietta, who was writing poetry on a piece of bark.

 

_ “After the first tribal I felt like an outcast, but time passed and I realized I didn’t really care,” Firkle draws a handicapped person in the snow. “Even if Pete still wants me gone, I think I can trust Henrietta to have my back.” _

 

“Wanna read my poem, Firkle?” Henrietta passed her piece of bark over to him.

 

Firkle read it aloud, “I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there. Let’s vote Pete out next.” Firkle smiled.

 

_ “So what, maybe Firkle is the weakest, but I trust him,” Henrietta put her earrings in. “If Pete was ready to vote out a goth day 1, does he really think we should take him to the merge?” _

 

Pete and Michael walked through the woods side-by-side. “You think Henrietta will be good to get Firkle next time?” Pete asked.

 

“Should be,” Michael said blankly, taking a drag from his cigarette. “If we lose it’s probably because of him.”

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 3**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” Randy yelled next to a large table covered in multiple sheets. The tribes filed onto their mats. “Get your first look at the new Blue Tribe, Token voted out at the last tribal council.” Nichole gasped, then glared at Craig, Clyde and Tweek.

 

_ “I can’t believe those snakes got Token out,” Nichole crying on a stump. “I thought they were his friends.” _

 

“You guys ready to get started on your next Immunity challenge?” Randy continued. “Today you will be competing in a Survivor classic… the eating competition.”

 

Red frowned, while Kyle hissed out a “yess." Because he was a fag. 

 

_ “We have Cartman on our tribe, there’s no way we could lose an eating challenge,” Kyle skips stones in the pond pointedly. _

 

“You will be facing off in four rounds, one-on-one-on-one-on-one,” Randy explained. “You will have 20 seconds to get your food item down; if you do you get a point for your tribe. At the end of the fourth round, the tribe with the least points goes to tribal, while the tribe with the most points wins an all-expense-paid trip to Casa Bonita.”

 

“We’re winning this challenge,” Cartman said immediately.

 

“Yellow and Pink tribes, you’re gonna have to sit someone out,” Randy pointed at their two mats. Red looked at the ground.

 

_ “This should have been the challenge that I sat out,” Red sits in depression with a hilltop view behind her. “But I sat out yesterday.” _

 

“I think Wendy should sit out,” Bebe said thoughtfully, “so that if it’s a puzzle tomorrow she can play.” Wendy nodded in agreement.

 

“Kyle’s gonna sit out for our tribe because he keeps Kosher like a faggot,” Cartman said.

 

Kyle was about to get all defensive but realized Cartman was right and took a seat on the bench.

 

_ Kyle crouched "Thankfully I can sit out due to being Jewish." Kyle readjusted his stance. "I'm glad we haven't lost yet. I'm pretty sure that tribal would be insane bullshit." _

 

“Alright, Wendy and Kyle take a seat on the bench, and the first four up are… Cartman, Bebe, Pete, and Clyde.”

 

Randy pulled out his gun as the four approached the sheet-covered table.

 

“And for round one you will be eating…” Randy dramatically lifted the sheet off the table to reveal four bowls of chili. “I call it Mr. and Mrs. Tenorman Chili. Twenty seconds starts NOW!” he shot his gun.

 

_ “When I found out Stan’s dad had found the leftovers of the chili I made out of Scott Tenorman’s parents, I was kinda like wow, weak…” Cartman crosses his legs while sitting on a bench. “But then I remembered what was on the line…” _

 

Cartman had scarfed down the entire bowl of chili within seconds. While Bebe gagged and Clyde just started crying again, Pete put out his cigarette on his tongue and tipped the bowl back.

 

_ “I burned my taste buds off so I couldn’t taste the carnage,” Pete relights his cigarette. “But honestly I think it would have tasted pretty good.” _

 

“Ten seconds left… Yellow and Black are good!”

 

“Now is not the fucking time Clyde,” Craig said offhandedly.

 

_ “I was just standing there crying and then I remembered… if we lose, it’s me gone next, so I can’t afford to be lame anymore,” Clyde tied his shoe. _

 

Clyde struggled through his tears to down the bowl of chili.

 

“You can do it Bebe!” Wendy shouted supportingly from the bench. Bebe got nearly the entire bowl of chili stuffed in her mouth before she gagged it out onto the ground like a white chick. 

 

“Time is UP!” Randy yelled. “Everyone has a point except the Pink team.” 

 

Bebe returned to her mat with a defeated frown, chili on her chin. “It’s okay Bebe,” Red offered half-heartedly.

 

“Next up is… Kenny, Nichole, Craig, and Henrietta. And you will be eating…” Randy lifted another sheet off the table. “A chunk of deer antler, harvested locally. GO!”

 

Kenny tried to stuff the entire hand-sized chunk in his mouth, successfully getting it down but rupturing his esophagus in the process, he immediately started coughing up blood and died.

 

Craig sighed exasperatedly at this development, carefully breaking the chunk of antler into pieces and eating them slowly.

 

_ “I don’t eat fast,” Craig leans against a tree. _

 

Meanwhile Nichole licked at her piece with gusto, while Henrietta smashed hers against the plate to break it, then popped them into her mouth without thinking about it.

 

“And everyone finished in time! Everyone gets a point, meaning Pink still trails by 1.”

 

Nichole returned to her mat victoriously. “That actually tasted pretty good!”

 

“Like fried chicken?” Red asked semi-innocuously.

 

Nichole eyed her. “Rully?”

 

“Next up… Butters, Shelly, Tweek and Firkle. And the food item is… ” He lifted the sheet to reveal four pinecones. “A pinecone.”

 

_ “I wish I had been picked for the pinecone,” Kenny emerged from Starks Pond, once again reincarnated. “I eat that shit all the time.” _

 

“I swear to God if you fuck this up Butters…” Cartman threatened Butters from the mat. Butters shivered.

 

_ “Sometimes I get kind of tired, on account of the fact Eric bosses me around so much,” Butters kicked a small rock gently. “But sometimes I feel like I just oughta listen to him, because I’m not half the man he is.” _

 

As Butters nervously nibbled at the pinecone, Tweek freaked out and just shoved the whole thing in his mouth. 

 

_ “I didn’t think I would have time, twenty seconds can go by so fast,” Tweek sits in the shade of a tree. _

 

Shelly took ambitious bites out of the pinecone, knowing her braces would protect her teeth. Firkle pulled out his lighter and burned the pinecone to ashes, and then threw them back like it was nothing.

 

_ “Firkle really doesn’t get the credit he deserves,” Henrietta itches her twat. _

 

“Blue gets a point… and Pink… and Black… five seconds left for Butters,” Randy put incredible pressure on Butters’s fragile pussy.

 

“Oh hamburgers,” Butters muttered under his breath, before stuffing the rest of the pinecone down his throat.

 

“And again everyone manages to get the point, we have Yellow, Blue and Black with three, and Pink with two. Stan, Red, Towelie and Michael, take your places.”

 

Red almost tripped on herself on her way to the table.

 

“And your food is…” Randy swished the last sheet off the table to reveal…

 

“Ewwwww,” Bebe said from the mat when she saw the four pieces of poo on the table. Red gulped.

 

_ “This isn’t at all how I wanted my secret to come out, but now I have no choice,” Red cries in a thick grove of trees. _

 

“Guys… I’m sorry, but I can’t,” Red turned to address her tribe.

 

“Why the fuck not bitch?” Nichole retorted.

 

“I’m ANOREXIC.” Gasps from the crowd.

 

_ “Oh this bitch,” Nichole shook her head as she weaved leaves together for the roof of the shelter. _

 

Wendy piped up. “Red you just need to eat for TEN SECONDS. I believe in you, you need to do it for the tribe!”

 

“I  _ can’t _ ,” Red burst into tears.

 

“Jesus, Dad,” Stan wasn’t paying attention to all that female shit and was about to pop the shit into his mouth when he saw its face. “This isn’t just a piece of shit, this is Mr. Hankey’s  _ wife.” _

 

“Howdy ho!” Autumn Hankey said in Stan’s hand.

 

“I’m seriously Stan, eat the shit lady,” Cartman barked from the mat.

 

“I’m not a murderer Cartman!” Stan lashed back defiantly.

 

Similarly, Michael realized that his piece of shit was Mr. Hankey’s daughter Amber. He sighed.

 

_ “Obviously Red wasn’t about to eat… well anything, apparently… so I wasn’t really digging the idea of eating some piece of shit’s child. I don’t even want to go to Casa Bonita,” Michael non-conforms while looking for food. _

 

“Yeah, honestly, as much as it nauseates me to say so, I think I’m going to conform to you guys on this one,” Michael said as he put Amber down and instead lit a cigarette.

 

Randy looked surprised. “So no point for Yellow, Black, or Pink… that means, with four points, the Blue Tribe wins the trip to Casa Bonita!”

 

Towelie, who nobody was paying attention to, had already long gobbled down Mr. Hankey’s son Simon, not really caring because towels can’t taste anyway.

 

“YOU DID IT TOWELIE!” Tweek jumped up and down in excitement.

 

“Uhh, what?” Towelie said in a daze.

 

Kyle held Cartman back from murdering Stan. “GOD FUCKING DAMNIT STAN…” Cartman screamed in rage. Meanwhile Red returned to her tribe, who all stared her down with varying levels of discomfort, especially Nichole.

 

“Blue Tribe, have fun at Casa Bonita. Yellow and Black, enjoy another night of safety. Pink, I’ll be seeing you at Tribal tonight.”

 

_ “I know I let my tribe down today, but I think that tribal will probably be okay,” Red fixes her shirt. “It feels better now that everyone knows the truth about me. And besides, Wendy and Bebe are on my side, so even if they want to keep Shelly around for challenges, we can get that ghetto trash Nichole out.” _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 3 - Reward Trip**

* * *

 

The Blue Tribe walked into Casa Bonita in awe; the entire restaurant was rented out for them.

 

“Fuck, I’m high,” Towelie said, wandering off toward the Mexican band.

 

_ Tweek smiles next to a bush. “It’s a brand new day for us! The last day has been the biggest 180 for me, from being on the chopping block to livin’ it up at Casa Bonita. I feel like my tribe is happy, maybe even getting along now that we have this chance to bond.” _

 

As Craig and Clyde silently rode the log flume ride together, Tweek sat at the table eating out of a basket of bottomless tamales. Suddenly, he felt a small piece of paper inside, which he pulled out to read.

 

_ “So I was just sitting there eating tamales, and I found a clue to the hidden immunity idol!” Tweek tucked the clue back in his pocket. “And nobody even saw me take it.” _

 

Meanwhile, Craig and Clyde disembarked from their log to check out the treasure cave. “This is so much fun. Too bad Cartman didn’t get to come, this place is his favorite,” Clyde said flatly in an obvious transitional line fed to him by production.

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 3**

* * *

_ “I fucking hate Stan and Kyle,” Cartman calmly eats some Cheesy Poofs. “Casa Bonita aside, I’m just sick of their hippie faces. Kyle is definitely harboring Mr. Piggy somewhere and I guarantee you 100% Stan is in on it.” _

 

Stan and Kyle walk down a trail in the woods.

 

_ “So after Stan fucked up at the challenge, Cartman made us all split up and look for the pig again until we find it,” Kyle bitterly washes his hat, “probably because he was butthurt about not going to Casa Bonita and needed to jerk off because he got excited about it.” _

 

Stan stretched out, his stomach rumbling. “At least if we find this pig we can have some bacon for dinner.”

 

Kyle winced. “Stan, I really don’t want to kill the pig.”

 

Stan grabbed Kyle’s arm. “Kyle, we might just have to kill it. If you have it you should just give it up so that Cartman can stop screaming about it.”

 

“I already told you, I don’t know where the fucking pig is Stan,” Kyle pulled away frustratedly.

 

Meanwhile Kenny sneaks off through some brush far away from the camp, where another small pen had been haphazardly assembled.

 

_ “I’m gonna eat the pig tonight,” Kenny hungrily rubs his hands together. _

 

“Where are you, Mr. Piggy?” Kenny called out, noticing that the pig was nowhere to be found. His call was soon met with loudening oinks, until the pig emerged from the brush holding a carved piece of wood in its mouth. “What the fuck is this?” Kenny said as he grabbed the piece of wood. 

 

He read the small note attached. “This is a hidden immunity idol…” Kenny looked to the pig. "That'll do pig, that'll do."

 

_ “Woohoo!” Kenny throws his idol in the air only for it to land on his head, killing him. _

 

**Pink Tribe**

**Day 3**

* * *

_ Shelly kicked some snow as she sauntered "I'm really mad that those turds couldn't just eat some turds. Now we have to vote a turd off." _

 

Before the girls couldn't even sit down and eat some cheesy poofs, Nichole immediately attacked Red with harsh words. "Red, you stupid white bitch. You trying to play by pretending to be anorexic!"

 

_ Red crying thinking about the traumatic event. "Nichole, said some horrible things about my past, and I am just disgusted!” _

 

"Whoa!" Wendy bounced with her tits to try and stop Nichole and Red from getting into an altercation.

 

_ "Thank the Lord that bimbo jumped in front me so I didn't clock that hoe." Nichole genuflected for the Lord.  _

 

"Calm down! Red stay at the shelter and Nichole chill at the water hole or whatever." Bebe suggested. "It'll be better if you two separated."

 

"Yeah we shouldn't have to have a monkey in our camp!" Red shrieked.

 

"What did that hoe just say about me!?" Nichole outraged. 

 

_ "I never expected this kind of buffoonery when I moved into South Park." Nichole solemnly reflected on the racism. "I wouldn't be surprised if they voted out Token first on the blue tribe because he was black." _

 

_ "The tension in camp is really off putting." Bebe checked her fingernails. "It's mostly Red, Nichole, and Shelly's fault."  _

 

"Everyone calm down!" Wendy successfully shut up Red and Nichole. "We have to vote someone out tonight and screaming at each other will only make things worse."

 

_ "I only wanted to separate them so I could talk to Bebe about the vote." Wendy tapped a finger on her chin. _

 

After the scuffle, Bebe and Wendy went off near Stark's Pond to discuss the vote.

 

"I don't know what to do, but it either needs to be Red or Nichole." Wendy frustrated at her fellow tribe mates.

 

"Maybe we can see what happens at tribal and then decide." Bebe said while shrugging her shoulders. Wendy made a stank face, but nodded. 

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 3**

* * *

The five girls walked into tribal with their torches, then dipped them into the fire.

 

“Now you have fire,” Randy said rather irrelevantly.

 

The girls took seats, with Nichole and Red sitting on opposite sides, looking away from each other.

 

“Well it appears as if this tribe has divided FAST,” Randy observed nosily.

 

“Dad, just shut the fuck up, you’re being a nerd,” Shelly said, unamused.

 

“Well Randy,” Wendy answered him ignoring Shelly, “lately we’ve been having some issues with tribe cohesion because we’re all tired and cranky, and none of us want to go home.”

 

Nichole peered at Wendy in disbelief. “What she mean to say is, Red believes in the reinstitution of slavery.”

 

Red’s jaw dropped open all defensively as the shot cut to her with a dramatic drum sound effect. “Nichole, I never said-”

 

Nichole put out a finger to effectively hush Red. “Bitch you can just shut up, we all know what you are.”

 

“Don’t tell me what to do Nichole!” Red said in shock, looking around to her tribemates for support.

 

Nobody said anything for a few seconds but then Bebe felt bad so she piped up.

 

“There isn’t only one person who is causing problems on the tribe, but I think that after this vote, we can all come back together and win again,” Bebe said thoughtfully as the camera panned to Nichole and Shelly.

 

Randy just stared for a second. “...Wow. So Red, what determines where your vote falls tonight?”

 

Clearly rattled, Red spoke carefully. “The person I am voting for is… she has the least class of anyone on the tribe.” Nichole frowned.

Randy put his hands down on the podium. “And Wendy, what do you-”

 

“Dad, I’m tired of this, I want to go to bed, just let us vote.”

 

Randy rolled his eyes. “Alright. Bebe, you’re up first.”

 

Bebe walks up to vote pretending to be like a supermodel. She votes.

 

Red votes next. “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” She writes down Nichole’s name.

 

Shelly votes vengefully, her vote not revealed. “If we weren’t in this game I would destroy you.”

 

Nichole writes [Red the Racist] “Fuck you white bitch.”

 

Wendy votes all pretentiously with a drawing of a skull next to the name she writes down.

 

Wendy sits back down as Randy booms “I’ll go tally the votes.”

 

“If anyone has an idol, speak up now if you want to play it.”

 

The camera pans to Bebe who doesn’t get up.

 

“Alright, once the votes are read, blah blah, you have to leave. I’ll read the votes.”

 

“First vote.”

 

[Nichole]

 

“Next vote..”

 

[Red the Racist]

 

“That’s one vote Red and one vote for Nichole.” Randy stated obviously

 

[Red]

 

“And the third person voted out of Survivor: South Park is…”

 

[Red ☠]

 

Red quickly stands up and grabs her torch with her red face.

 

“Red, the tribe has spoken.” Randy snuffs her torch.

 

Red turns back to her tribe. “Stupid people, stupid players!” She walks off.

 

Nichole smiled pointedly as the credits music began to play softly. 

 

“Well it looks like you’re intent on getting the poison out of your tribe. If you keep infighting, you are sure to fail. Get back to camp,” Randy got in his limousine and rode away.

 

_ Red sits cross legged in the reclining chair. “My tribe is dead to me. This did not sparkle well with me at all!” She frowns. _

 

_**Next time on… SURVIVOR** _

* * *

 

_ Kenny approached Butters playfully. “Hey Butters, you wanna go to TGI Friday’s?” _

 

_ Tweek up in a tree looking for the idol. _

 

_ Henrietta bleeding. “What do you mean I can’t have a fucking tampon?” _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Review your predictions and speculations if you have any!


	4. This Game is Bleak

Randy stands in the middle of the street. “Last time on SURVIVOR.”

 

“The infamous eating challenge proved to be too challenging for some.” Shots of Bebe, Red, and Stan failing to eat the food. “Things really boiled over at the Pink Tribe where conflict rose from Nichole and Red.” Shots of Red throwing rocks into the ocean and Nichole being all what the hell?

 

“Meanwhile, on the Yellow tribe, the tribe fractured after the pig they won in the reward went missing. Cartman openly suspected Kyle, but the real culprit was Kenny, who also managed to find the tribe’s hidden immunity idol,” shot of Kenny grabbing the idol out of the pig’s mouth.

 

“Seventeen are left… who will be voted out TONIGHT?”

 

**Pink Tribe**

**Night 3**

* * *

The girls all walked back into camp in the dark. Shelly threw her torch down and jumped into her rock bed in exhaustion. The other girls sat at the dying fire.

 

_ “Tribal tonight got pretty dirty,” Bebe unbuttons the top of her coat revealing a hot rack. “But I feel as if with Red gone, we can work as a team again.” _

 

“Thanks for keeping me over that crazy bigot slut, guys,” Nichole said to Wendy and Bebe honestly. Wendy smiled back hollowly.

 

_ “By getting her target out, I’ve worked Nichole into the palm of my hand,” Wendy’s eyes bug out in the night vision lens. “Now I’ve got her and Bebe both on lock, and if we ever get in trouble I know Nichole will be the first target. I mean come on, she’s a minority.” _

 

_ “After I found out Token was gone, I honestly felt like the heads of my kind were being collected,” Nichole takes out her hair ties to reveal a dramatic afro, “but now I feel safe with my tribe, and I feel like I could go all the way now.” _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Night 3**

* * *

_ Kenny reincarnated once again. “Now that I have this idol in my pocket maybe I can get some favors around camp.” _

 

Butters couldn’t sleep so he was just awake in the shelter. Kenny approached Butters playfully. “Hey Butters, you wanna go to TGI Friday’s?”

 

_ “I was real nervous about the game so I couldn’t sleep. This has really screwed up my bedtime schedule.” Butters rubbed his knuckles together. “When Kenny asked me to go somewhere though, I was so excited to get out of our boring camp.” _

 

“Heck, TGI Friday’s? What’s the occasion?” Butters asked naively not realizing that TGI Friday’s was not open twenty four hours since he’s retarded.

 

“I’ll tell you when we get there.” Kenny smirked devilishly as he and Butters ventured off.

 

“Oh hamburgers, it’s closed!” Butters frowned, he really wanted some ribs.   
  
“I wanted to show you something, but you have to do this for me first.” Kenny slipped off his pants behind the restaurant just incase if any late drivers were out.

 

Butters seemed confused. Kenny guided him. “Get on your knees and suck this dick.” 

 

Out of curiosity, Butters obeyed and gave a weak tit blowjob to Kenny, which satisfied his lust, for now.

 

“Thanks, I have the idol.” Kenny pulled up his pants to reach his pocket to show Butters who gasped in response.

 

_ “I couldn’t believe that Kenny has already found the idol.” Butters shook his head. “I didn’t even care about the idol. I didn’t know Kenny liked me like that and now I just want to know when I could do that again.” Butters sighed with a boner. _

 

**Black Tribe**

**Day 4**

* * *

_ “This was probably the worst morning of my entire life,” Henrietta leaned against a rock bitterly. _

 

In the shelter, Firkle woke up nestled in Henrietta’s bosom, it was an accident he often made in the night but he fit in there so well and it was so warm. Then he looked at his feet and screamed.

 

_ “Suddenly I thought I got hurt,” Firkle animatedly puffs at his cigarette, “like a raccoon bit my foot in the night or something. There was blood EVERYWHERE.” _

 

The rest of the goths woke up in alarm. Pete looked at the blood, noticing it was coming from Henrietta.

 

“Henrietta, did you cut yourself or something?” Pete asked rather nosily.

 

Henrietta looked confused for a second, and then she realized what had happened.

 

_ Henrietta crying while smoking a cigarette. “I can’t believe I got my first period on SURVIVOR.” _

 

Michael casually lit a cigarette. “Camera people, aren’t you supposed to be getting a medic right now?”

 

A few minutes later, Nurse Goodly arrived at camp. “Henrietta I’m sorry but we can’t give you anything for this, it would be an unfair advantage, and anyway if I had anything I wouldn’t be able to give it to you because I don’t have arms.”

 

Henrietta bleeding. “What do you mean I can’t have a fucking tampon?”

 

_ “I’m honestly happier than I’ve ever been in this game, everything that went down this morning was super dark and hopeless,” Michael blew smoke into the camera. _

 

Later, Pete and Michael took a gay little walk together. “Honestly, ever since Henrietta’s vagina split open to reveal Hades she’s become a little harder to deal with,” Pete feigned not giving a fuck as he relit a cigarette.

 

_ “At this point Michael is my most valuable ally,” Pete flicked his hair out of his eyes.  _

 

“Yeah, Pete, honestly, I know you just want me to say it, so I’m just gonna spare the bullshit and say that it’s us against them.”

 

_ “I refuse to conform to the indirectness and edit pacing of this show,” Michael spat at his cigarette butt in the snow. _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 4**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” The Blue, Black, and Yellow tribes come into the challenge arena. “Get your first look at the new Pink tribe, Red voted out at the last tribal council.” No one really cared because Henrietta was still bleeding from her cunt and Towelie was vomiting from only smoking spliffs for four days and not eating anything besides shit.

 

“Alright, for this challenge as you can see there is a large rope across Stark’s Pond, because we will be playing some Tug o’ War. If you get pulled into the water you’re out and must let go of the rope. We’ll be playing in tournament style. Tribe that gets fourth will go to tribal, the tribe that wins is going to get tacos!”

 

_ “Tacos! I love me some taco flavored keeses.” Jennifer Lopez screams next to Cartman. “Shh. be quiet Ms. Lopez, I will get those tacos I promise.” Cartman calms his hand down. _

 

“Yellow, you have to sit someone out since you have one more.” 

 

Butters raises his hand. 

 

_ “That blowjob I gave earlier really tired me out, so I thought it was for the best to sit out.” Butters sat in the grass. _

 

“Alright, Butters take a seat on the bench. First teams squaring off are YELLOW against PINK.”

 

The girls quickly huddled before taking their spots. “They’re obviously gonna pick Cartman’s fat ass to anchor their side, so Shelly you need to match his fat ass,” Wendy ordered her tribe around gently.

 

The Yellow tribe predictably and quickly made Cartman be the anchor despite him yelling at Stan and Kyle that he wasn’t fat.

 

“Survivors ready…. GO!” Randy shot his gun, but Kenny yanked at the rope half a second early, sending Bebe flying into Stark’s Pond. 

 

_ Kenny cackles. “Stupid bitch.” _

 

“Yellow tribe gets an early lead, Bebe’s already in the water.” 

 

Cartman started pulling with all of his strength, easily propelling Wendy and Nichole into the water. Already it was down to Shelly pulling for her tribe.

 

“Shelly is carrying her tribe on her back!” Randy biasly cheers for his daughter.

 

“Oh no you don’t….  _ turd.”  _ Shelly clenched her braced teeth and pulled Kenny and Kyle into the water. She looked across the water in absolute rage at her brother Stan, who started shitting his pants.

 

But it was too late, for Cartman’s enormously obese ass had already dragged Shelly just too close to the water, and she squawked as she fell in.

 

“Yellow tribe moves on! Blue and Black take your spots on either side of the pond.”

 

_ “Henrietta might be strong,” Tweek recalled the challenge as he brushed a bird’s nest out of his hair, “but she’s on her period, and Clyde’s also kind of fat.” _

 

_ “I’m so fucked...up right now. I have no idea what’s going on.” Towelie scratches his towel crotch. “I’m so high.” _

 

“Survivors ready? Go!” Randy shot another bullet which alerted some people to call the police.

 

Towelie barely even held onto the rope, and still the rest of his tribe immediately pulled Firkle into the water, who flew off the ground screaming.

 

_ Clyde flexes his arm muscles. “I play basketball.” He says in a monotonous tone again fed to him.  _

 

Towelie felt bad that Firkle got wet so he jumped into Stark’s Pond after him to dry him off. “Always remember to bring a towel!”

 

“We’re even at three and three.” Randy observed intensely.

 

Henrietta was clenching her teeth through the pain in her groin, but when a spurt of blood gushed down her leg she lost her focus for a second, allowing Pete to get dragged into the pond.

 

Michael, who was getting tired, then let himself get dragged in and immediately lit a cigarette.

 

_ “We weren’t meant for sports,” Michael pontificates in a speech he’s given many times before. “Do we look like those Britney and Justin wannabe fag jocks to you?” _

 

With an unceremonious final tug, Clyde inched Henrietta to where her blood had landed on the ground, and she slid on it into the water.

 

“We did it!” Tweek exclaims happy that he didn’t get wet. Craig sarcastically makes a woo sound.

 

“For the win is Yellow v.s. Blue!” Towelie stumbled out of the pond in confusion to retake his spot as the Yellow tribe returned to the other side.

 

“I need those tacos!” Jennifer Lopez bellowed all through Stark’s Pond.

 

“Cartman shut the fuck up,” Kyle bristled at his tribe mate.

 

“Survivors ready? Go!” Randy repeated himself.

 

Clyde was no match for Cartman’s power of obesity so the Blue tribe was easily all pulled into the water securing Jennifer Lopez’s tacos.

 

“YELLOW WINS THE TACOS AND THE IMMUNITY!” Randy yelled. The Yellow tribe cheered and hollered, and Kenny subtly grabbed Butters ass in the excitement, who blushed.

 

“Blue tribe also wins immunity.” Randy stated less enthused. “Now it’s down to Pink and Black to decide who’s going to tribal council tonight.”

 

_ “I can not go back to tribal right now.” Nichole worried. _

 

“Don’t worry guys, I got this,” Shelly whispered to her tribe before walking over to Henrietta and punching her in the pussy.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Henrietta screamed in pain.

 

“Survivors ready… GO!” Randy shot his gun for a final time. Henrietta was still doubled over in pain and so she could barely hold the rope, only resisting for seconds as Shelly yanked her three tribemates in like nothing, before falling in herself.

 

“PINK WINS IMMUNITY!” Randy yelled. Bebe, Wendy and Nichole pulled together for a group hug in relief, and tried to pull in Shelly, who was having none of it and pushed them all in the pond.

 

_ “The other girls on my tribe are nerds,” Shelly picked her teeth with a stick. _

 

The goths lazily got out of the water, which was considerably redder where Henrietta had fallen.

 

“Black tribe, I got nothin’ for ya,” Randy said when everyone got back to the mats. “I’ll see you at tribal tonight.”

 

_ Pete adjusting his part. “I’m ready to vote one of these fags out.” _

 

_ Henrietta trying to stop the bleeding with a fish she found in the pond. “This sucks ass, but honestly, I don’t think it’s gonna be me tonight.” _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 4**

* * *

_ “Today was a major success. I got Jennifer Lopez some tacos and we’re safe for another round.” Cartman boasted. _

 

_ “We are all scarfing down these tacos because we were starving, but then I noticed that there was a note hidden within the tacos.” Stan boringly narrated.  _

 

“Hey there’s this note.” Stan picked it up and read it to his whole tribe.

 

Butters tried to hide his shocked face by asking “What’s a pace?”

 

“The idol is ten paces away from your watering hole.” Stan read.

 

_ “Those assholes don’t even know that I have the idol in my parka pocket.” Kenny smirks from behind his hood. _

 

_ “I, Mitch Conner, need to find the idol if I am going to continue to fool these peasants.” Cartman moved his hand, yet rolled his eyes.  _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 4**

* * *

Tweek looking for the idol in a tree. “I can’t find it anywhere!” Tweek talked to himself. As he jumped down from the tree, he misjudged how high he was, he fell and hit something hard on the ground. “Ow!”

 

_ “I couldn’t believe my own eyes! I had found the idol!” Tweek jumped up and down. “I knew if I told Craig I could use it to leverage his trust.” _

 

Tweek hid the idol in his breast pocket and ran off to a certain blue hatted boy.

 

“Craig!” Tweek stopped breathlessly as Craig watched the clouds.

 

“What.” He moaned.

 

“I found the idol!” Tweek could hardly contain his excitement and he jizzed in his pants.

 

_ “Tweek told me he found the idol, which I guess means he trusts me or likes me or whatever.” Craig pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just really don’t care.” _

 

**Black Tribe**

**Day 4**

* * *

_ “I have to make sure no funny business is going to happen at tribal like last time.” Firkle slit his wrist. _

 

As Firkle dipped into the woods to take a shit, Pete addressed Michael and Henrietta at the fire.

 

“So, I think the obvious vote tonight is Firkle, honestly it’s still pretty nonconformist as the predictable choice today would be to vote out Henrietta because she’s on her period,” Pete explained. Michael and Henrietta nodded, smoking their cigarettes.

 

“I guess it’d be best,” Michael responded hoarsely.

 

_ Henrietta still holding the fish to her cunt. “I still don’t get why these fags think I’d be willing to vote out Firkle, Pete has no idea what’s happening at tribal tonight if thinks I’m with him.” _

 

_ “This is another hard vote man.” Michael dug his cane into the ground. “I don’t know if I should be loyal to Pete or if I should just vote with the other goths since Henrietta scares me.” _

 

Later, Henrietta and Firkle went off to the watering hole together.

 

“It’s almost hard to decide which one would be better anymore.” Firkle said bitterly. “Pete may have voted me out but Michael has become a conformist to his game.”

 

“Tell me about it.” Henrietta agreed rather bratty.

 

_ “At the worst, we’re looking at a tie situation.” Henrietta washed some of the blood off her hands in the tribe’s drinking water. “I honestly don’t give a fuck, I trust Firkle and I’m not letting him get voted off tonight.” _

 

As it started to get darker the goths got tired of strategizing and sat around the fire chain smoking.

 

“So Pete, are you gonna vote for me again?” Firkle asked after a long silence.

 

Pete sighed and took another drag instead of responding.

 

“This game is bleak, man.” Michael whined.

 

_ “I know it’s probably me tonight,” Firkle yawned. “But I might as well put my vote in there for revenge.” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 3**

* * *

The four goths sauntered into tribal council for a second time.

 

“Welcome back!” Randy greeted which was only met with scowls as the Black tribe placed their torches behind them.

 

Randy smiled enthusiastically through the silence. “So Henrietta, how does it feel to have become a woman?”

 

Henrietta stared at him. “Excuse me?”

 

“Michael, does Henrietta’s female disease make her a target tonight?”

 

“Ehh. I mean yeah, blood is everywhere at camp, but to be real I kind of like it,” Michael drawled.

 

“Firkle, you really flopped at the challenge today. Do you think-”

 

“I think I’m about to knock you on the head with this torch and burn you a vagina if you keep talking.” Firkle threatened.

 

“And with that, it’s time to vote,” Randy continued casually. “Firkle, you’re up first.”

 

Firkle slowly made his way up to the voting podium, where he wrote [Peet] in big messy letters. “You made the first move against the goths.”

 

Pete walked up to the podium with a blank expression, and quickly scrawled [Firkle]. “I’m sorry, I guess.”

 

Henrietta left a small trail of blood droplets on her way over to the podium. The camera showed a small stream of blood trailing down the back of her thigh. “It’s time for you to get the fuck out.”

 

Michael walked over to vote, sliding slightly on Henrietta’s sheddings. The camera was angled so that his vote was invisible behind his hair. “I have to do this.”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy said as the camera slowly panned over the four goths’ unamused faces.

 

“Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. I’ll read the votes.”

 

He unfolded the first vote. [Peet] Pete rolled his eyes.

 

“Next vote,” Randy continued dramatically. [Firkle] Firkle lit a cigarette, anticipating the result.

 

Randy unfolded the third vote. [Pete]. Pete narrowed his eyes slightly. “That’s two votes Pete, one vote Firkle, one vote left.”

 

Randy took his time picking up and reading the final vote. With a ‘you done did it’ face he turned it around to reveal [Firkle]. “It’s a tie. Two votes Pete, two votes Firkle. This means we’ll be going to a revote, in which Firkle and Pete cannot vote.”

 

Henrietta gasped so hard that more blood squirted out of her.

 

“Henrietta, take the urn back with you.”

 

She returned to the podium with a small frown and wrote down a name. “I don’t really care at this point.”

 

Michael returned to vote again, not saying anything.

 

Randy went to retrieve the urn again. The goths reflected on how long and unnecessary this seemed.

 

“First vote,” Randy dragged out turning around the piece of parchment for about six seconds. [Pete]

 

“And the second and last vote....” Randy froze for a moment before revealing [Firkle]. Henrietta shook her head.

 

“We are completely deadlocked,” Randy tried to inspire emotion into the tribe. “This means we will have to go to the purple rock tiebreaker.”

 

The background music swelled as Firkle blinked, realizing he was actually safe. “Firkle and Pete, you are both immune from being in the tie. That means Henrietta and Michael will be drawing rocks.” Randy brought the back with the rocks over to the seats. “Yellow rock means you’re safe, purple rock means you’re out.”

 

Henrietta’s seat was dripping with blood as she held the rock out in her closed hand in front of her. Michael continued to smoke his cigarette with his other hand.

 

“On three, turn your hand around, open your palms, and reveal,” Randy instructed them. “1, 2, 3, reveal!”

 

Henrietta closed her eyes as she opened her hand, only allowing herself a squint to see what color her rock was as she heard Pete and Firkle gasp on either side of her. She saw that her rock was not yellow or purple, but red. “What the fuck?” she said in surprise.

 

Then she looked at Michael’s rock, which was solidly purple.

 

“Henrietta, your hands are  _ covered  _ in blood, man.” Michael said in amusement as he brought his torch up to Randy.

 

“Michael, you have drawn the incorrect rock, so…” Randy snuffed his torch. “Get the fuck outta here.”

 

Michael peaced silently, leaving the remnants of his tribe behind.

 

“The Black tribe is down to only three,” Randy observed plainly. “You all need to remember that even when it seems as if it’s you against the world, sometimes in the game of Survivor, a little bit of luck is all you need. Now get back to camp.”

 

_ Michael sat in Marsh’s living room as Sharon shrieked at all the blood on her back porch. “You know that’s how the fucking world works sometimes. I think it's better if I’m not playing the game anymore.” _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON… SURVIVOR_ **

* * *

_ Randy pulls sixteen new buffs out of his anus. “It’s time for a switch-up, everyone.” _

 

_ Clyde’s mouth dumbly open in manufactured shock. “This changes everything.” _

 

_ “Now the game really begins,” Wendy cracks her knuckles. _

 

_ Henrietta weakly clutches her gooch. “There’s no chance for me anymore.” _

  
  



	5. Here Come the Horns

Randy mows his lawn. “Previously on… Survivor.”

 

Shot of Cartman being fat and winning the tug o’ war. “After Cartman used his size to his advantage to win the taco reward, he searched for the idol to secure power over his tribe,” shot of Mitch Connor scheming about the idol. “Little did he know that Kenny, the swing vote, had already found it and used it to pull in Butters,” action shot of Butters sucking Kenny’s dickie.

 

“While Tweek found the idol on the Blue tribe,” shot of Tweek running up to Craig and showing him the idol, “The goths were forced to knock off one of their own, leading them to apathetically tie the vote to a deadlock,” shot of Henrietta and Michael drawing rocks. “And in the end, even though Firkle was deemed week and Pete deemed untrustworthy, it was Michael who drew the wrong rock and was sent home.”

 

“Sixteen are left… who will be voted out TONIGHT?” Randy ran over a cat with the lawnmower.

 

**Black Tribe**

**Night 4**

* * *

The three goths returned to their camp in the dark without speaking.

 

_ “Tribal tonight came down to pure chance, and I got fucked,” Pete coughs up some phlegm. “I’m pretty much alone here, the bridges are pretty burned.” _

 

Pete approached Firkle rather sheepishly. “Firk, man, can I bum a cig?”

 

Firkle made a face.

 

_ “I’m not even mad at Pete,” Firkle washed himself in Stark’s Pond. “But yeah, he’s definitely gone next of us three.” _

 

Henrietta, unable to sleep due to the aches in her vagina, wandered deep into the woods to find some leaves to stuff her panties.

 

Suddenly she found some random guy in the woods. “Hey,” he said to her amicably. “Do you want a hidden immunity idol?” he pulled an idol out of his pocket.

 

Henrietta frowned. “Why are you giving me this?”

 

“I’m just gonna need about tree fitty,” the man said with a glint in his eye.

 

Just then Henrietta realized it wasn’t some random guy, it was the Loch Ness Monster. “What the hell?” Henrietta cowered underneath the giant marine creature.

 

_ “It was the Loch Ness Monster!” Henrietta battily washed off her vagina fish. _

 

“Get away from me, Loch Ness Monster!” Henrietta aimed her cunt at the monster’s eyes and squirted blood at them, blinding him. He dropped the idol, which Henrietta grabbed as she ran away crazily in the night vision lens.

 

_ “I’m glad I got out with my life, let alone the idol,” Henrietta clutched the idol hopefully, masking its markings with her period blood. _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 5**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” The Yellow, Pink and Blue tribes walked to their mats, which were laid out behind a large line painted in the snow that read ‘Start’. “Get your first new look at the Black tribe, now down to three, Michael voted out at the last tribal council.” The goths filed in begrudgingly.

 

_ “Poor goths, having to vote out one of their own friends,” Butters sympathetically touched his fingers together. _

 

Suddenly, Randy pulls sixteen new buffs out of his anus. “It’s time for a switch-up, everyone.”

 

Tweek gasped, and Nichole’s eyes opened wide.

 

“Everyone drop your buffs, we are dissolving into two tribes of eight.”

 

Clyde’s mouth dumbly open in manufactured shock. “This changes everything.”

 

_ “Now the game really begins,” Wendy cracks her knuckles. _

 

“Ready to find out who the new tribes are?” Randy tempted the castaways. The kids responded with excitement.

 

_ “All I could think was, thank Moses I’m not stuck with Cartman anymore,” Kyle stretches in a clearing. _

 

“Well, you will, right  _ after  _ this immunity challenge.”

 

The castaways all reacted like “Aw, what?” in surprise and confusion.

 

_ “Why you doin me like this Randy?” Nichole moved her head around as she spoke. _

 

“Today, you will be playing in the challenge as individuals, and only two of you can win safety,” Randy held up two fingers with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Those two will be the leaders of the two new tribes, and will take turns picking their tribemates. Then,  _ both  _ tribes will be going to tribal council tonight to vote someone out.” Bebe gasped.

 

_ “I didn’t want to go to tribal council again so soon,” Bebe looked at the ground. _

 

_ “This is a crucial challenge,” Tweek bugged out by the fire. _

 

“The challenge is simple: a race through South Park, ending at the school where Principal Victoria will declare the winners. You may find some obstacles along your way, but keep running, because this is your only chance at immunity tonight - EVERYONE is going to tribal. Take your spots at the line.”

 

_ Voiceover as Stan as he stands at the starting line “I want to win this so I get get a good tribe with my friends.” _

 

_ VO of Pete. “This is my shot to get myself to a good place in this game.” _

 

_ VO of Towelie as he hits a blunt at the start line “Personally, I don’t see race, I think we live in a post-race society.” _

 

Randy pulled out his gun. “Survivors ready…” the camera directly cut to Cartman, Henrietta, and Shelly’s faces. “GO!” he shot his gun, which immediately killed Kenny as the other fifteen castaways started running.

 

“Already Kenny is out of the challenge, but it’s still slim chances!” Randy narrated as he got in his car to follow the race.

 

Bebe pulled ahead of the pack early on, her tits bouncing as she ran.

 

_ “The others might not think much of me, but I’m really quite athletic,” Bebe does some pull-ups on a branch. _

 

Suddenly Bebe was surprised by a horde of sixth graders approaching on bikes. “Look, a girl with bewbs!” the leader called to the rest, and they all animatedly surrounded Bebe, obstructing her path.

 

_ “Sometimes there are advantages to being not as good looking,” Shelly said rather hollowly in a voiceover as she passed Bebe in the race. _

 

Henrietta, who was trailing near the back with Cartman and Firkle, had already started leaking on the racetrack again. “God damnit,” she muttered under her breath as she maneuvered around the sixth graders.

 

“Wh-whoa!” one of the sixth graders yelped as his bike slid on the blood and he fell off, onto the ground. As Firkle ran by, Cartman noticed this development and squinted his eyes.

 

_ “Fucking idiot,” Cartman cackling. _

 

Near the middle of the pack, Stan breathlessly poked Kyle on the shoulder as Craig trailed them closely. “Kyle, you gotta run faster, one of us has to win this.”

 

Before Kyle could respond he tripped over a metal crutch and hit his little Jewish head on the ground.

 

“Oh no!” Clyde said generically from a short distance behind them. “The disabled kids are here!”

 

“Sup fellas,” Jimmy smiled crookedly at the kids as they ran past. “S-s-sorry bout that one, Ky.”

 

Wendy and Tweek led the race at this point, trying to outdo each other. Tweek yawned as he ran, allowing Wendy to pull ahead a little.

 

_ “It’s been like a week since I had coffee, man,” Tweek hugged himself. _

 

“Hey, man, you look really tired, want some coffee?” some random passerby asked him in a California drawl.

 

Tweek couldn’t resist himself, he grabbed the cup without looking and shoved it into his face, that’s when he realized that the guy was a hippie and he had just walked directly into the middle of a hippie drug circle.

 

“Oh Jesus!” Tweek squeaked, immediately getting contact high. He was soon joined by Towelie, who forgot about the race completely and started making friends.

 

_ “This was the best challenge ever,” Towelie fucked up back at camp. _

 

“It’s still anyone’s race,” Randy said from his car.

 

Nichole’s genetics started shining through, and she suddenly sprinted toward the front, challenging Wendy for the lead.

 

_ “I want my game to be in my own hands,” Nichole enunciated. _

 

Wendy looked behind her and was dismayed by how close Nichole was - and the black girl was picking up speed. She could spot Pete and Clyde not too far behind her, as Stan and Kyle started to lose steam.

 

While she wasn’t looking, Wendy tripped over a large frog. 

 

“It’s the Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka!” Clyde yelled dully from a distance. Wendy fell on the ground, and Nichole took the lead easily as Pete approached Wendy.

 

_ “It was like my entire game fell out of my hands and shattered on the sidewalk,” Wendy sat on a large flat rock and gestured with her hand. “I had to do something.” _

 

Wendy sneakily ran over to a payphone. “Hello, 9-1-1?” she said into the phone with concern. “I just saw someone steal something from Jim’s Drugs!”

 

Nichole smiled as she kept running as fast as she could; she could see the school close in front of her.

 

_ “Finally a challenge for me,” Nichole smiling as she stretched her legs after the challenge. _

 

Back at the hippie drum circle, Firkle was engaging in conversation with some of the degenerates when he caught something big and fast moving in the corner of his eye.

 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, DIRTY HIPPIES,” Cartman screamed mercilessly from the bicycle he had stolen from the 6th grader.

 

Firkle jumped out of the way just in time as Cartman bowled through the drum circle killing several, but in the process Firkle accidentally headbutted Henrietta, causing a pocket of blood in her gooch to burst right in his face.

 

Wendy caught back up to Pete, who was trying uncharacteristically hard.

 

_ “I was in second place in the race, and I realized for the first time that maybe I could win this hundred dollars,” Pete gathering firewood. _

 

A look of dismay began to spread across Wendy’s face as she thought she was too late. She saw Nichole about a hundred feet in front of her, about to reach Principal Victoria at the school.

 

But just then, a cop car arrived spontaneously and Officer Barbrady came out, grabbing hold of Nichole. “Alright, hold it right there, mister,” he told her patronizingly as he cuffed her, “give back whatever you stole from Jim’s Drug.”

 

“I didn’t steal NOTHING! Hands up, don’t shoot!” Nichole struggled in disbelief. Wendy took advantage of Pete getting distracted by the racial profiling to pull back into first place.

 

But just as she approached the finish line, Cartman surged past on his bike, reaching the finish just a second before Wendy.

 

_ “I’m so glad that I got first in the race instead of saggy tits Wendy,” Cartman eating Cheesy Poofs lazily. _

 

“CARTMAN AND WENDY WIN IMMUNITY!” Randy yelled from his open car window. Wendy panted in slight frustration.

 

_ “Of course I’m glad to be safe, but yeah, I wanted first,” Wendy confidently fixing her hair, “though I guess now they might not see me as a bigger threat.” _

 

After negotiating Nichole back from Officer Barbrady and resurrecting Kenny, Randy faced the castaways, now standing between a blue mat and a yellow mat.

 

Randy handed Wendy a yellow buff while handing Cartman a blue buff. “You two are the captains and since Cartman crossed the finish line first, he gets to pick first.”

 

“Damn straight, Stan’s dad, I’m picking Keel.” Cartman smirked. 

 

Kyle raised his brows in surprise as he walked over to the blue mat. “Me?!”

 

_ “I don’t trust anyone to get that sneaky Jew out but myself,” Cartman picked his nose behind some trees. _

 

“Alright, Wendy, who are you picking?” Randy continued.

 

“I’m going to pick, Stan.” Wendy grinned.

 

_ “Stan is probably someone who Cartman wanted since he’s actually kind of strong.” Wendy filed her nails. “Nobody gets between me and my man.” _

 

“I’m picking Butters.” Cartman dictated. Butters smiled as he joined his ally on the Blue mat.

 

“I pick…” Wendy pretended to think about it for a second. “Bebe.”

 

Bebe walked over to the yellow mat and gave Wendy a hug.

 

_ “I’m so happy Wendy and I aren’t getting separated,” Bebe combing her hair. “She’s definitely my closest ally in this game.” _

 

“I choose Clyde,” Cartman declared, and Clyde confidently joined his tribe.

 

_ “Maybe my new tribe will actually want me,” Clyde standing in some bushes dumbly. _

 

Wendy looked around at all of the people left, and smirked a little. “Kenny.” The newly reborn boy walked over to the yellow mat.

 

_ “I had to separate Kenny from Cartman, to cripple him strategically,” Wendy haughtily wrings water out of her hair. _

 

Cartman then chose Shelly for her challenge strength and to keep her apart from her brother, after which Wendy picked Tweek for his relative inoffensiveness.

 

Craig looked around at the other unpicked castaways, then at the ground.

 

_ “I hope neither of them pick me,” Craig evening out his hat. _

 

“I choose Craig,” Cartman said, and Craig cursed under his breath as he walked over to the blue mat. The camera panned over the remaining unpicked castaways - the goths, Nichole, and Towelie.

 

_ Firkle rolling his eyes. “Of course we’re the last ones to be picked, left at the end with the minorities and the towels.” _

 

Nichole gaped at Wendy expectantly.

 

_ Nichole braiding her hair “I just proved how much of an asset I am, and not even my former teammate wants me? This is privilege.” _

 

_ “I know Nichole wanted to be on my tribe but I don’t want people to think the girls are all banding together,” Wendy still drying her hair out, “cuz then they’d pick us off one by one.” _

 

“I choose Towelie,” Wendy said uncertainly. Towelie walked over to the wrong mat at first but then Clyde turned him around. Nichole scowled.

 

“Nichole, I can tell you’re about to get up on the cross right now, so I’m just gonna pick you so you can shut up,” Cartman said ignorantly. Nichole huffed but walked over to the blue mat.

 

“So only three left to pick, and who would have guessed,” Randy motioned at Henrietta, Firkle and Pete, “the three lonely goths. Time for you guys to be split up. Your pick, Wendy.”

 

Wendy sized up the three goths, noting Firkle’s miniature size and the blood which still leaked down Henrietta’s leg. “I choose Pete.” Pete jaunted over to the yellow mat in what looked like excitement, to which Firkle rolled his eyes again.

 

“Last pick, Cartman,” Randy said dramatically. “Henrietta or Firkle?”

 

“I guess I’ll take the period chick,” Cartman decided apathetically.

 

“That means Firkle, you will be joining Wendy, Stan, Bebe, Kenny, Tweek, Towelie, and Pete on the new Yellow tribe, while Cartman, Kyle, Butters, Clyde, Shelly, Craig, Nichole, and Henrietta are the new Blue tribe,” Randy listed off the names. “This will be a very busy afternoon for all of you, I’ll see both tribes later at tribal council.”

 

_ “I don’t think the tribe picking could have gone any better,” Wendy putting on her hat confidently. _

 

_ “Eric chose a strong tribe, I don’t want to vote someone out already,” Butters missing Kenny as he reminisces under a tree. _

 

_ Henrietta clutches her gooch. “There’s no chance for me anymore.” _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 5**

* * *

Wendy proudly led her tribe back to the Yellow tribe’s old camp. “Isn’t there still a pig around here somewhere?” Kenny lowered his eyes shiftily.

 

_ “We have eight on the tribe now, so we need five to have majority,” Stan did simple math. “So I think we’re good, because I have four friends on the tribe: Wendy, Kenny, Bebe, and Tweek,” the camera cut to each of their faces as he said their names. “I just don’t know the other three that well.” _

 

As most of the tribe worked on expanding the shelter, Towelie stretched out his arms. “Welp, time for me to get a little high.”

 

Kenny turned to him, intrigued. “Can I come with you!?”

 

“Sure, Kevin,” Towelie smiled at him stonedly as they walked out of camp.

 

_ “I’m down to have this towel on our tribe,” Kenny mad high sitting in a tree. _

 

This conversation triggered Pete and Firkle’s nicotine addictions so they soon after went on a walk to smoke.

 

_ “Firkle may not trust me,” Pete voiceover as he walks through the woods with Firkle, “but on this new tribe we might be all we have.” _

 

“We have to stick together on the vote tonight,” Pete suggested.

 

Firkle nodded as he exhaled smoke. “Which one should it be?” he asked rather flatly.

 

“Bebe seems to be the biggest conformist out of all of them, so I think we should try to turn the votes against her.”

 

_ “For all I know, Pete could be playing me,” Firkle crosses his arms bitterly. “He was fine with voting me out before, and I’m supposed to believe he’s looking out for me now?” _

 

Back at the camp, Stan, Wendy, Bebe and Tweek took a break from building at the fire.

 

“Can we talk about the vote tonight?” Bebe asked gingerly.

 

“Well we have the four of us and Kenny,” Stan explained gesturing to everyone present. “I’d be fine voting out any of the other three.”

 

Tweek nervously spoke up. “We should probably split up the goths.”

 

“Hmmmm,” Wendy cut him off subtly. “They are friends, yeah, but think of how useless Towelie is in the challenges. Not to mention, he’s probably a wildcard when it comes to voting.”

 

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like something I want to deal with.” Bebe immediately agreed with her ally.

 

“So Towelie tonight?” Stan looked around at everyone for protest. Tweek frowned but said nothing.

 

_ “I think I trust Towelie, but they’re right in saying he’s a bit of a wildcard,” Tweek contemplating his new alliance. “I mean he is high like all the time. But then I remember, he helped to save me the night Token went home, so I owe him one.” _

 

Kenny and Towelie came back to camp hella blazed, soon after Tweek anxiously pulled Towelie aside as soon as the others were distracted.

 

They walked through the woods. “Towelie, they’re coming after you tonight.” Tweek tried to alert his ally to action.

 

“That’s pretty mean of them.” Towelie frowned slightly.

 

“We need to try to turn some of these votes around, but I don’t want them to realize we are together,” Tweek twiddled his thumbs. “Oh Jesus, this is hard. But maybe we can do it.”

 

“Just tell me who to vote, man.” Towelie replied airily.

 

_ “Towelie might not be worth saving, he doesn’t even really seem to care,” Tweek breaks up some sticks. “Still, I couldn’t help but keep worrying about it.” _

 

Stan and Kenny went to collect some water together. “You down to vote Towelie tonight, Kenny? We have five strong.”

 

Kenny hesitantly nodded. “Okay.”

 

_ Stan smiling contently. “I’m glad that Cartman isn’t around and I can fully trust Kenny now.” _

 

_ “I don’t really want to vote Towelie out,” Kenny still a little blazed. “He’s a pretty cool guy.” _

 

Later, Tweek and Pete worked together to tie together leaves to make a roof for the shelter, but Tweek’s hands kept shaking too hard. “You want a cigarette, man?” Pete held out the new box of cigarettes he stole from a cameraman in offering.

 

_ “It’s time I started playing this game or whatever,” Pete adjusts his hair. _

 

They walked off together and Tweek started smoking the cigarette with hunger, it helped to fill the void of caffeine.

 

“Hey, be honest with me, are you and those poser fags trying to vote me out tonight?” Pete was direct with Tweek.

 

Tweek shook his head. “No, and honestly, I don’t really trust them that much,” he exhaled a large amount of smoke, “Fuck that feels so good.”

 

Pete narrowed his eyes, sensing an opening. “Do you think we could turn the numbers on them?”

 

Tweek thought about it, then shook his head again. “Nah, there’s just too many of them. To be frank they assume the goths are tight, so it might do you good to distance yourself from him.”

 

_ “Firkle is definitely the one I’d want to work with the most,” Pete carrying water back to camp. “But I need to do what’s best for my game tonight.” _

 

_ “If I can get the goths to turn on each other, I feel like it won’t even look like I flipped, and then me and Towelie can both be safe,” Tweek paced anxiously. _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 5**

* * *

Cartman sat on his ass ordering Butters and Clyde around on how to complete the new shelter, as Kyle and Craig went off to try and find food. “Why do they listen to him?” Kyle asked Craig in frustration, Craig didn’t answer.

 

_ “It sure feels nice to be included.” Clyde smiling. _

 

_ “Clyde’s already one of my pawns,” Cartman puts on his gloves calculatingly. “Of course I have Butters, now I just need to pull in two more to secure the majoritah of the votes.” _

 

Henrietta’s bleeding only intensified further as the afternoon went on, and when she went to complain to production again Cartman took the opportunity to pull Nichole and Shelly aside for a meeting on the shore of Stark’s Pond.

 

_ “Nichole is an angry black woman, and Shelly is overweight and bossy, so naturally they will be easy people to beat later in the game.” Cartman explained brightly. _

 

Cartman looked around at Butters, Clyde and the girls. “I’m telling you people, this is all we need to make it all the way.” Nichole nodded enthusiastically.

 

_ “I know Cartman’s crazy, but he’ll always be a bigger target than me,” Nichole washed her face. “And no way do I want him against me in this game.” _

 

“Yipee!” Butters chirped as the alliance was confirmed.

 

“We can vote out anyone we want.” Cartman said alluringly.

 

“So who should it be?” Clyde asked rather extraneously.

 

“The girl on her period is pretty annoying.” Shelly reflected flatly.

 

_ “Actually, all of these nerds are annoying, but I need to use them to my advantage to win the hundred dollars,” Shelly adjusting her retainer. _

 

“Right, okay, so we vote out the goth chick!” Cartman said patronizingly. “That sound like a good idea to everyone?”

 

“Well shucks fellas, I’m fine with doing anything so long as we all stick together.” Butters blushed.

 

“I’m in.” Nichole agreed.

 

_ “If I go with these peasants and vote their way this round, they’re sure to listen to me and get the Jew out next round.” Cartman rubbed his hands together. _

 

Kyle and Craig returned back to camp, where Kyle surmised quickly what had happened. “That fucking fatass.” he dropped the basket of fruit he had gathered.

 

_ “I had a feeling Cartman only picked me so that he could get me out as soon as he could.” Kyle furiously packs a snowball. _

 

Kyle stomped around looking for Cartman and his new alliance, but first ran into Henrietta, who had been refused a tampon yet again.

 

“Hey, Henrietta,” Kyle could barely hide his anger. “Did Cartman just ask you to join an alliance with him?”

 

“No,” Henrietta blinked. “I don’t want to work with that douchebag.”

 

“Well good, because I think he just pulled basically the entire tribe off somewhere and now it’s just us and  _ Craig  _ against everyone else _.” _

 

_ “Crossing me today would be a mistake,” Henrietta puts her makeup on calmly. _

 

When Cartman and his four allies awkwardly returned to camp, Henrietta wasted no time in calling him out. “Are you assholes serious? Are you really going to listen to that cumrag?”

 

“What _ ever,  _ bitch,” Cartman popped a Cheesy Poof in his mouth. “I do what I want.”

 

Blood splattered from Henrietta’s pelvis as she advanced on Cartman. “I didn’t sit in these woods for five nights to get voted out by someone who plays with dolls.”

 

_ “Henrietta wasn’t pulling any punches with Cartman, it was fun to watch,” Kyle dumped dirt out of his shoes. “And it probably saved me from being a target tonight.” _

 

_ “This stupid emo cunt is playing with the bull.” Cartman gesticulated wildly. “Now here come the horns!” _

 

_ “I’m so done with this bullshit,” Henrietta licking some of the blood off of her hands. “If I didn’t want to see these poser faggots get voted out so badly, I would just quit now.” _

 

**Tribal Council - Yellow Tribe**

**Night 5**

* * *

The Yellow tribe filed into the tribal council area first, which was newly renovated with eight seats.

 

“I’m sure a lot has gone down today strategically.” Randy addressed the new tribe. “Wendy, how do you feel about the tribe that you picked?”

 

“I couldn’t be happier, Randy.” Wendy replied a little over the top. “We have a really strong group of people, and I think as soon as we can fight for our safety we’ll be 100% golden.”

 

“Stan, is this tribe as unified as Wendy is making it out to be?”

 

“Don’t twist my girlfriend’s words, Dad.” Stan replied with annoyance. “She never said the tribe was unified, and we’re not. Some of us are friends, and some of us just aren’t.”

 

A sharp sound effect played as the camera cut to a shot of Pete, Firkle and Towelie sitting on one end of the area.

 

“Pete, are you one of the friends Stan is talking about?”

 

Pete frowned. “The only friend they see me as having is Firkle, and that’s just because we’re both goths. But really, I’m a free agent on this tribe.”

 

“Bebe, what are the criteria for your vote tonight?”

 

“Well, Randy,” Bebe paused for a second. “We have to vote out the weakest from our tribe, it’s obvious that we can’t keep dragging along someone who’s too high to even understand what’s going on.”

 

“Look at all the pretty colors.” Towelie not even paying the slightest attention to Randy as he stared into the fire and was completely tuned out from the conversation.

 

“Tweek, do you agree with what Bebe is saying?” Randy tried to stir up some chaos.

 

“Well, Bebe’s definitely right, but things don’t have to be so cut and dry in the game of survivor.” Tweek was careful to not disagree with his alliance. “More than one person on this tribe is weak.” he looked over toward Firkle.

 

“Well with that, it’s time to vote. Stan, you’re up first.”

 

Stan made his way over to the urn and wrote [Towelie]. “Sorry man, but this isn’t a game for towels.”

 

Bebe itches her tit as she writes down a name.

 

Towelie wandered over to the voting booth, and scribbled a name across the parchment.

 

Firkle gets up on a little step stool to reach the urn. [Bebe] “You’re a nazi conformist cheerleader.”

 

Wendy strides over with a small smirk on her face, and neatly writes [Towelie] with a little heart at the end.

 

Tweek twitches on his way over to the urn, and anxiously writes down a name, looking behind him compulsively to make sure nobody could see what he wrote. “I hope to god this works again.”

 

Pete walks over to the urn with a blank expression and writes a name down. “Just trying to get by, sorry.”

 

Kenny walks over and laughs a little as he writes a name down, the camera showing his rounded ass. “Good game.”

 

Kenny sat back down. “I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy went to collect the urn. Tweek started to shiver, as Wendy sat poised behind him with her legs crossed.

 

“If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so.” The camera lingered on Tweek, who just kept shivering. Nobody stood up.

 

“Once the votes are read, the decision is final, and the person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. I’ll read the votes.”

 

Randy unfolded the first vote. [Towelie] with the little heart.

 

“Next vote,” Randy turned around the parchment to reveal [Bebe]. “That’s one vote Towelie, one vote Bebe.”

 

Randy pulled out the next vote, which was another for [Towelie]. “That’s two votes Towelie.”

 

He continued getting more intense. [Towelie]. “That’s three votes Towelie.”

 

“Next vote,” Randy slowly revealed [Firkle]. Wendy chuckled. “Three votes Towelie, one vote Bebe, one vote Firkle.”

 

Randy pulled out the next vote with a tone of urgency: [Firkle]. Firkle narrowed his eyes slightly. “Two votes Firkle, three for Towelie, one for Bebe, two votes left.”

 

He unfolded the seventh vote: [Firkle]. Bebe frowned and Stan looked away. “We’re tied, three votes Towelie, three votes Firkle, one vote Bebe, one vote left.”

 

Firkle’s mouth hung open as Towelie hung on the edge of his seat, almost too high to stay on. Randy looked at the last vote. “Fifth person voted out of Survivor: South Park…” he turned around the vote: [Firkle].

 

“Well fuck,” Firkle tossed his cigarette and brought his torch over to Randy as Wendy looked around at her tribe mates desperately. Tweek beamed.

 

“Firkle, the tribe has spoken,” Randy snuffed his torch. Firkle unceremoniously exited the game into the Marshes’ home. “The rest of you get back to camp, you have made it to the final fourteen. We have one more tribal council to get through here tonight.”

 

_ “Well that fucking sucked. I don’t really know what happened and I don’t really care.” Firkle relit a cigarette as he sat on the recliner not giving a fuck that Sharon was yelling about the smoke in her house. _

 

**Tribal Council - Blue Tribe**

**Night 5**

* * *

Cartman led his new tribe into tribal council. Randy immediately accosted them with questions as they sat down.

 

“Nichole, do you feel more or less vulnerable on this tribe than on your old tribe?”

 

“I definitely feel safer now,” Nichole answered happily. “Before I felt I was being targeted for my race. Now I feel as if everyone’s on a level playing field.”

 

“Except for those of us who are menstruating,” Henrietta interjected bitterly.

 

“Shut the fuck up emo bitch, nobody wants to hear about it!” Cartman snapped at Henrietta.

 

Henrietta glared at Cartman. “I’m not emo.”

 

“What Henrietta means to say is,” Kyle tried to save the tribal council from getting derailed. “Cartman has most of the tribe sheeping him, except me and Henrietta and maybe Craig, so we’re obviously the next gone.” The camera cut to a shot of Craig, who was looking away from everything.

 

“That’s a pretty wide statement,” Randy patronized Kyle, “so you’re saying Cartman has pulled Butters, Clyde, Shelly and Nichole into his fold?”

 

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Kyle responded indignantly.

 

“Butters, do you feel like you are a sheep to Cartman?”

 

Butters folded his hands. “Well, uh, no, of course not. Eric’s my friend, and obviously I’m gonna listen to him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t listen to me.”

 

Henrietta shook her head in bewilderment.

 

“Now Cartman, some of your tribe seems to have some very strong feelings about you.” Randy said with a chuckle, “and yet you have immunity from the challenge today.”

 

“Yeah, Randy, so they can all suck my balls.” Cartman looked away from Kyle and Henrietta.

 

“So let me get this straight Henrietta,” Randy tried to drag out the drama. “You want Cartman out, but you can’t vote him tonight. So what’s the plan for you?”

 

“Get out the one who is the most conformist to his plans.” Henrietta declared accompanied by a squirt of blood. Kyle nodded.

 

“It sounds like you guys are ready to vote,” Randy said with excitement. “Shelly, you’re up first.”

 

Shelly walked over to the urn quickly with a look of frustration and wrote [Henrietta]. “I get my period sometimes too, boo fucking hoo.”

 

Butters walked up to the urn and drew a cute little picture next to the name he wrote.

 

Craig made his way over to vote, thought about it, and wrote a name down quickly before sighing deeply.

 

Cartman strutted pompously to the urn, and wrote [Henrietta] in big letters. “Bye, bitch.”

 

Henrietta clenched her vagina on her way over to the voting stand, and wrote a name down with a small smile. “You made the wrong choice.”

 

Clyde made his way to the urn to vote. “Five strong” he said as he wrote down a name.

 

Nichole was up to vote next, she drew some little droplets on her parchment around the name [Henrietta]. “Keep bleeding, if you want to call me a sheep.”

 

Kyle went up to vote last, frowning as he wrote a name down. “I’m sorry, but you’re definitely safe anyway.”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy retrieved the urn yet again. “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and you want to play it-”

 

“Hold that thought, Randy,” Henrietta suddenly stood up, pulling her blood-soaked idol out of her panties. Nichole’s mouth dropped open, and Kyle gasped in surprise. “It’s not that easy to get rid of me,” she pointedly looked at Cartman as she brought her idol over to Randy.

 

After blotting it off with a washcloth, Randy announced “This…. is a hidden immunity idol. Any votes cast for Henrietta tonight will not count. I’ll read the votes.”

 

Cartman’s look of confidence had quickly changed to one of absolute rage.

 

“First vote,” Randy said, with a telling look on his face. [Henrietta]. “Does not count.”

 

He pulled out the second vote. [Henrietta]. “Does not count.”

 

The music in the background started to crescendo as Randy revealed the third vote [Henrietta], the fourth vote [Henrietta], and the fifth vote also [Henrietta]. “Three votes left and no votes for anybody count yet.” Kyle looked like he was about to jump out of his seat in excitement as Craig kept a poker face, while Cartman’s alliance of five braced themselves for the next vote.

 

Randy slowly revealed the next vote: [Butters].

 

“Oh, hamburgers!” Butters muttered in terror. Clyde exhaled in relief.

 

Randy slowly pulled out the seventh vote. “Sixth person voted out of Survivor: South Park…. [Butters]. That’s two and tonight, that’s enough.”

 

Nichole sympathetically put a hand on Butters’ shoulder as he started to tear up. Cartman looked as if he was trying very hard not to rip the entire tribal council area apart. Butters walked over to Randy with his torch.

 

“Butters, the tribe has spoken.” Randy snuffed Butters’ torch as he finally began to let the tears flow down his face. 

 

Butters turned back to look at his tribe as the music swelled emotionally. “Good luck, fellas, and no hard feelings.” As he walked away his tribe could hear him choke out “Loo loo loo, I’ve got some apples…”

 

“Well that was clearly a complete upheaval. Only question is, when the idol gets played, will the one who played it just be the next out the door?” The camera dramatically cut to a close-up of Henrietta. “Get back to camp.”

 

_ Butters just sat in the elimination recliner sobbing.  _

 

**NEXT T** **IME ON… SURVIVOR.**

* * *

 

_ Cartman and Henrietta screaming at each other at camp. _

 

_ Clyde moving his arms robotically. “It’s like World War III at camp.” _

 

_ Wendy knits her brow with determination. “They think they can outplay me… they thought wrong.” _

 

_ Kyle grabs Craig’s arm. “It’s now or never.” _


	6. Don't Miss Your Chance

Randy fishing in Starks Pond. “Previously on… SURVIVOR.”

 

Shot of Randy pulling the new buffs out of his anus. “A surprise tribe swap shook up everyone’s strategy. Wendy and Cartman won individual immunity and the power to choose the new tribes, and both soon formed majority alliances to dominate their tribes.” Laid over shots of Stan’s alliance at the fire and Cartman’s Starks Pond five.

 

“At the double tribal council, both alliances’ plans were foiled, after Tweek rallied the outsiders on his tribe to save his ally Towelie and instead target weak link Firkle,” shot of Firkle’s torch getting snuffed, “and when Cartman’s alliance targeted Henrietta, she blindsided them with an idol, targeting Cartman’s closest ally Butters to weaken his influence,” shot of Butters’ torch getting snuffed.

 

“Fourteen are left… who will be voted out TONIGHT?”

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Night 5**

* * *

_ “I don’t know what happened at tribal tonight, I thought we had five votes strong,” Bebe staring crazily into the night vision lens. _

 

The seven remaining Yellow tribe members awkwardly sat at the dying fire. Stan was wearing a stank face but didn’t say anything for a few minutes until he finally piped up.

 

“Whoever lied to us… just… screw you.”

 

Towelie wandered off for a midnight toke, Pete went to go shit, and Kenny stealthily dipped away to jerk off.

 

_ “The vote made me really pissed off…” Stan tearing up grass angrily. “At least it wasn’t one of the alliance gone, but we had the numbers safely so I don’t know why they messed up the plan.” _

 

“Which one of you guys flipped?” Wendy said in an intense hushed voice when she realized it was just the four of them.

 

“I promise it wasn’t me,” Stan said submissively.

 

“I know it wasn’t you Stan,” Wendy eyed Bebe and Tweek, the latter of whom was twitching uncontrollably.

 

_ “I know whoever did this thinks they outmaneuvered me, but they didn’t,” Wendy’s eye twitching. “Nobody’s bested me until they’ve gotten me voted out.” _

 

“What? I voted for Towelie, do you really think I lied to you Wendy?” Bebe upset at Wendy’s suspicion.

 

_ “It was revealing to me that Wendy thought that I flipped,” Bebe laying down sassily. “Shows how much she trusts me.” _

 

“Hold on,” Wendy realized something, “I already had figured out that Kenny must have saved Towelie because they smoke weed together now. If anyone else would want to keep Towelie it’s Tweek, he was on Towelie’s tribe,” she squinted her eyes at Tweek accusatively.

 

_ “I was so scared of being found out I completely froze up,” Tweek reflecting on the confrontation. _

 

“Not cool Tweek,” Stan frowned at Tweek judgmentally.

 

“We came to you wanting to help keep you safe,” Wendy whispered threateningly. “How can we trust you now?”

 

“You’re not the queen of this game Wendy,” Tweek finally snapped at Wendy’s pretentious ass, “I don’t need your alliance.”

 

_ “I really fucked up,” Tweek taps his foot nervously. “They’ll probably come after me next.” _

 

_ Wendy knits her brow with determination. “They think they can outplay me… they thought wrong.” _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Night 5**

* * *

Immediately after returning to camp Henrietta and Cartman let loose as each other as the rest of the tribe awkwardly watched.

 

“I only wish you didn’t have that fucking necklace so it could have been your gay ass instead!” Henrietta screamed in menstrual rage.

 

“Whatever bitch, we all fuckin know you’re going next anyway!” Cartman barked at her.

 

_ "Everyone screaming at camp really upset my stomach." Clyde clutched his torso. "It's only a game." _

 

“You’re all idiots, four people can’t win the game and you guys know Cartman is just gonna line you up for the slaughter.” Henrietta angrily took a long drag.

 

_ “Being called a sheep last night really upset me,” Nichole sitting on a small ledge. “But honestly I feel like Henrietta might be right, Cartman’s a douchebag and I don’t know if I should trust him.” _

 

“Well I’m sorry that like, I am a social person and made alliances and you, um, didn’t!” Cartman got all condescending with Henrietta.

 

“It doesn’t matter, cumrag, because as long as they're not retarded,” Henrietta spat, “one of them will realize that they’re gonna get voted out after me, Kyle and Craig.”

 

Kyle nodded silently from the shelter, not wanting to get involved with the yelling but feeling better about himself for supporting Henrietta’s cause.

 

_ “I know if I just stay quiet enough and let Henrietta keep blowing up, she’ll still be the target instead of me,” Kyle sneakily crouches by some bushes, “and maybe with enough luck we can get one of Cartman’s alliance to flip.” _

 

_ “The goth chick is annoying as fuck but I don’t care about getting her out anymore,” Cartman reclines on a flat rock eating Cheesy Poofs, “now that my allies trust me I can get them to finally blindside Keel.” _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 6**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” The fourteen remaining castaways filed onto their mats, once again in front of Starks Pond. “Last night Firkle and Butters were voted out at the double tribal council,” Randy explained smirking at the two bitterly divided tribes. “How is camp life with your new tribes?”

 

Clyde moving his arms robotically. “It’s like World War III at camp.” Henrietta rolled her eyes at him.

 

_ “The goths are a dying breed,” Henrietta picking at her fingernails. “Looks like Firkle and Pete are having as much luck over there as I am here.” _

 

_ “The other tribe must have gone even crazier than ours,” Stan sitting on a rock, “I’m pretty shocked to see Butters gone.” _

 

“Ready to get to your next immunity challenge?”

 

Everyone knew they had no choice.

 

“This challenge has two parts. In the first part, five of your tribe will dive down into Starks Pond one at a time to retrieve five bags of puzzle pieces. Once all five bags are recovered, the other two will use them to put together a puzzle. There’s also a reward for the winning tribe. They will win a blanket. Decide your spots.”

 

Cartman immediately took command of his tribe not giving a fuck about the blanket, “Nichole and goth chick should do the puzzle because they’re girls. Girls are good at puzzles.”

 

Shelly frowned at him. “What about me?”

 

Cartman brushed her off. “Well I’m guessing honey tits over here probably isn’t great in the water, and we all know Nichole should stay out of there.” Nichole made a stank face, offended. 

 

Meanwhile on the Yellow mat, Wendy predictably insisted on doing the puzzle.

 

“Want me to do it with you Wendy? I’m pretty good at puzzles,” Tweek offered.

 

Wendy glared at him. “I think it should be me and Stan, we work well as a team.” Stan nodded sheepishly.

 

Randy pulled out his gun as Stan, Wendy, Nichole and Henrietta took their places near the puzzle boards on shore and the rest lined up at the starting line.

 

“Survivors ready... “ Randy shot his gun. “GO!”

 

Bebe and Clyde were the first two to dive in for their tribes. Unfortunately Bebe’s new implants made her tits so dense that they dragged her straight to the floor of the pond, where they crashed into the earth and cracked a massive fissure, out of which a hoard of Crab People emerged.

 

“Looks like Bebe’s already having a little trouble down there,” Randy said with some worry.

 

Kenny heroically jumped into the water to save Bebe’s life, but he was intercepted by the advancing Crab People, one of whom snipped off his head with its claws. Meanwhile Clyde, who was a safe distance away, had already untied his tribe’s first bag from the floor of the pond and swam back to the surface.

 

“Clyde back with his first bag of puzzle pieces!” Randy dramatically announced.

 

_ “I knew I’d get my tribe an early lead,” beads of water from the challenge glisten on Clyde’s body. “I’m a strong swimmer.” _

 

Shelly dove in for the Blue tribe, while under the water, Bebe flashed her tits to the Crab People in desperation, hoping they would save her from drowning. Her approach was well received as one of them snipped her bag of puzzle pieces from its tether and swung Bebe onto his back before ascending to the surface.

 

“Bebe back with her tribe’s first bag of puzzle pieces!” A second later, Shelly appeared on the surface, breathing heavily. “Shelly has her second bag of puzzle pieces! Go, both tribes!”

 

Pete and Craig dove in, both now having to maneuver around the Crab People, who at this point had started chanting all like “Craaab People, Craaab People.” While Pete struggled in dodging them, in fear their claws would snip at his long hair, Craig didn’t give a fuck and swam directly past, earning an even greater lead.

 

_ “Didn’t the Crab People just end up being gay guys anyway?” Craig stares at the camera. _

 

“Craig has Blue’s third bag of puzzle pieces!” Nichole cheered from the puzzle board as Craig tossed his bag ashore. Cartman dove into the water, flailing his arms madly to swim.

 

_ “I might want the fags on my tribe out pretty bad, but I wouldn’t throw a challenge to get them out,” Cartman buttoning up his jacket. “It’s worth it to see the look on Wendy Testaburger’s face when she loses.” _

 

Cartman’s fat allowed him to quickly sink to the bottom of the pond and he grabbed his bag of puzzle pieces as Pete emerged on the shore.

 

Pete gasping desperately at his tribe “There are Crab People in that water!”

 

Towelie side eyes Pete, “I thought you weren’t a pussy, emo kid.”

 

Towelie dashed into the water in an attempt to catch up to Cartman but quickly realized he was just floating on the surface because he was a towel.

 

“Looks like Towelie’s having a bit of trouble!” Randy laughing at Towelie.

 

Tweek realized he was the last one left on his tribe so he was like “Ahh!” and then ran into the water. Tweek francically flailed as he grabbed the Yellow tribe’s third bag of puzzle pieces.

 

Henrietta smoked as Nichole cheered “We can do this Blue tribe!” 

 

Cartman emerged from the water gasping for breath and dog paddling breathlessly, struggling to the shore. “Guys you will not believe this, but I think I found Native Americans under the water!”

 

Kyle confidently ran into the pond, taking a big dramatic breath before diving under.

 

_ “I knew that I should be the last one to go for our tribe in case we needed to come back from behind, because I can hold my breath underwater for a really long time,” Kyle bragging near some rocks behind the camp. _

 

Tweek returned to the shore exhausted. “Tweek back with the Yellow tribe’s third bag of puzzle pieces!” Tweek looked around to see that there was still two bags to be grabbed yet, Towelie was floating in the pond high and Kenny was still dead. He looked at Pete being a pussy and Bebe stretching out her tits like she was all done, so he knew he needed to bite the bullet and go back in.

 

“Fuck.” Tweek bellyflopped back in for the last two bags as Kyle’s head popped up from the pond.

 

“Kyle back with his tribe’s last bag!” Kyle tossed the bag onto the shore. “GO, Henrietta and Nichole!”

 

As Henrietta and Nichole untied the bags Nichole whispered “Real titty you want to throw this shit?”

 

Henrietta poured the pieces out. “Maybe. Who do you want to target?”

 

“The fatass.” Nichole dramatically threw a puzzle piece into the pond. “Oops!”

 

“What the fuck bitch,” Cartman barked from the mat, “I thought girls were good at puzzles!”

 

Nichole turned around and glared at him.

 

“I guess not black girls,” Cartman said defensively.

 

“Fuck you!” Nichole flashed a titty, just one.

 

As the debacle of Nichole and Cartman was going on, Tweek finally got his shit together and got the last two bags for Towelie and Kenny, who had reincarnated, as Tweek handed the last bag to Stan and Wendy. “Go, Stan and Wendy!” Randy screamed.

 

Stan and Wendy swiftly and systematically picked up and untied the bags of puzzle pieces.

 

_ “The Blue tribe had a huge lead on us,” Wendy dramatically adjusting her hat, “so it was time for me and Stan to work as a team.” _

 

Tweek and Bebe cheered for their tribe mates as Stan and Wendy quickly got to work on the puzzle. Wendy and Stan being gay together gave them a boost especially since Henrietta and NIchole were not trying. Stan and Wendy successfully figured out the puzzle in record time.

 

“We did it!” Wendy screamed as she jumped into Stan’s arms. The music swelled with hope and emotion as Stan held Wendy.

 

Randy handed the tribal immunity idol to Towelie who immediately fell over because it was heavier than him. “Yellow tribe, you’re safe from the vote tonight. Blue, I’ll be seeing you later at tribal council.”

 

_ “I feel like I just proved my worth in this game,” Stan excited in the woods. _

 

_ “On the spot I decided to throw the challenge because I realized I was wrong to align with Cartman’s fat bigot ass,” Nichole filing her nails. “I hope we can get him out tonight.” _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 6**

* * *

The Yellow tribe returned to their camp in high spirits. “Good job at the puzzle today Wendy!” Tweek kissed up to Wendy by the fire desperately as Bebe boiled some water.

 

“Thanks!” Wendy smiled egotistically.

 

_ “We’re all in such a good mood I feel like we can forget that Tweek is a lying sack of shit,” Wendy running her fingers through her hair. _

 

Meanwhile Towelie wandered off with the new blanket the tribe had acquired from the challenge.

 

_ “This blanket’s fucking gorgeous,” Towelie caressing the blanket, “I didn’t come on this show looking for love but looks like it found me.” _

 

A shot of Towelie in the distance fucking the blanket.

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 6**

* * *

The tension was thick as the Blue tribe filed back into camp. The silence was agonizing until Cartman finally broke it. “Well Nichole, next time, okay, tell us you can’t read before you volunteer for the mental challenge.”

 

“I can read, you fat fuck,” Nichole retorted.

 

_ “I’m so sick of being treated as a second class citizen on my tribe.” Nichole spit on the ground. _

 

Later Nichole snuck off with Henrietta as the latter smoked a cigarette.

 

“I was serious at the challenge, I’m ready to flip on Cartman,” Nichole whispered dramatically.

 

“Cool, we can probably get Kyle on board too.” Henrietta replied nonchalantly, slowly blowing out rings of smoke.

 

_ “Yesterday it was five against three and the odds seemed impossible,” Henrietta lazily washing her face, “but now Butters is gone and Nichole is jumping ship, so it actually looks like we have the majority.” _

 

As Cartman non-discreetly assembled his alliance to plot, Henrietta, Craig and Kyle remained at the fire.

 

“So Nichole wants Cartman out,” Henrietta informed the other outsiders casually, “would you guys be down?”

 

Kyle got really excited. “Really? That’s great!”

 

_ “I’ve had to live with this fatass for six days and I’m fucking done,” Kyle defiantly adjusting the pouch of gold on his necklace. _

 

Kyle animatedly leaned into the fire to address Craig and Henrietta in a low voice. “So tonight, it’s Cartman. Don’t act happy today, act like one of us is going, but at tribal, we all have to write down Cartman. Okay?”

 

Cartman is at the shore of Stark’s Pond with Clyde, Nichole, and Shelly. “Alright tonight we strike, the jew is going down.”

 

Clyde nodded his head, Shelly shrugged her shoulders as Nichole smiled devilishly. 

 

_ Nichole tossing her hair. “Cartman thinks he’s running the show but really, I’m the swing vote tonight.” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 6**

* * *

The Blue tribe took their seats at tribal council, with Kyle and Cartman pointedly sitting on opposite sides.

 

“Let’s get into this, Nichole at the challenge there seemed to be some animosity, why?” Randy jumped onto any semblance of drama.

 

“We have some racists on my tribe...AGAIN.” Nichole rolled her neck. 

 

“And who are you talking about?”

 

Nichole glared over at Cartman, who just looked away innocently.

 

“Cartman, do you want to respond to this accusation?”

 

“I didn’t say anything racist, I actually suggested she do the puzzle in the name of, you know, affirmative action and whatever, and it’s not my fault she sucked at it,” Cartman spewed out defensively.

 

“Henrietta, you and Nichole blew a huge lead at the puzzle, do you think you might be a target for this?”

 

“Not really,” Henrietta sighed with annoyance.

 

“Kyle, any thoughts going into the vote tonight?”

 

Kyle made crazy eyes. “All I can say is, this might be the last opportunity to make a move, don’t miss your chance.” The camera panned over Henrietta, Nichole, Craig, and finally Cartman who rolled his eyes at Kyle’s Jew antics.

 

“Alright. Shelly, how are you doing?” Randy wriggled his eyebrows at his daughter.

 

“I’m fine, dad, god!” Shelly huffed.

 

“It’s time to vote, Clyde, you’re up first.”

 

Clyde walked up to the podium writing a name down. “This is a business move.” He places his ballot in the box.

 

Nichole goes next, she writes [CARTMAN] “Fuck you, I hope you get diabetes.”

 

Henrietta voted next and she fingered her pussy to get some blood and wrote a name down with her blood.

 

Shelly made her way up to the podium and cast her vote. “I always thought you were annoying anyway.”

 

Craig voted in a particularly boring way.

 

Kyle triumphs to the voting podium [Cartman] “You’ve made my life hell since day 1! Forget you go home, goodbye!”

 

Cartman walked up boisterously writing Kyle’s name down. “Check mate kike!” 

 

Randy went to go tally the vote as the tribe sat in fevered anticipation.

 

“If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and wants to play it now would be the time to do so.”

 

The camera shows the whole tribe just sitting there.

 

“Alright, once the votes are read the decision is final, the person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately. I’ll read the votes,” Randy took the top off of the urn to get the first vote.

 

“First vote… [Kyle].”

 

“Second vote… [Kyle]. That’s two votes Kyle.”  Kyle started sweating as Randy took out the next vote.

 

“Next vote… [Kyle]. Three votes Kyle.” Cartman started grinning.

 

“Next vote… [Cartman],” Randy revealed as Cartman chuckled.

 

“[Cartman]. That’s three votes Kyle, two votes Cartman.” Nichole bit her lip.

 

“Next vote… [CARTMAN]. We’re tied, three votes Kyle, three votes Cartman, one vote left.” The camera showed shots of Cartman, Henrietta, Nichole, Craig, and finally Kyle as Randy slowly lifted up the final vote.

 

“Last vote… and the seventh person voted out…… [Kyle].” Nichole’s mouth fell open as Kyle whipped his head around, trying to find someone to glare at. Cartman laughed hysterically as Kyle brought his torch over to Randy.

 

“Kyle… the tribe has spoken.” Randy snuffed Kyle’s torch and he left without looking back, trying to ignore Cartman taunting him like “neh neh neh neh neh neh” behind him slowly fading away. Nichole looked at Henrietta nervously.

 

“Very close vote tonight and a very revealing tribal council, this tribe is clearly split into two factions and in survivor it is unite or die. Get back to camp,” Randy wistfully told the castaways.

 

_ Kyle sat on the vote off recliner. “Just wow, I’m shocked. I really can’t be too angry because now I get to shower. I just hope they take down Cartman soon. I would be livid if he won the whole thing.” _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON… SURVIVOR._ **

* * *

_ Nichole frowning. “I jumped on a sinking ship.” _

 

_ Towelie sharing a blunt with the blanket. “Now that I’m playing for two in this game there’s a lot more I need to take into account.” _

 

_ Stan and Wendy making out as Bebe watches from afar holding a tit in loneliness. _

 

_ “I may have shot myself in the foot on this one!” Tweek croaking hysterically. _

 


	7. Egg On Your Face

Randy plowing into Sharon, he looks up at the camera. “PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR!” Sharon sighs.

 

“After a hot and saucy victory, the Yellow tribe was in good spirits,” shot to Towelie sexually violating his blanket.

 

“On the Blue Tribe tensions ran high,” a clip of Cartman and Henrietta screaming is shown. “This lead to tribe’s division even further during the immunity challenge.” Nichole’s tit makes a cameo.

 

“At Tribal Council, the feud between Kyle and Cartman came to an end.” A shot of Kyle’s torch being snuffed.

 

“Thirteen are left...Who will be voted out tonight?!” Randy climaxes into Sharon.  

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Night 6**

* * *

_ “The vote had to be for Kyle tonight, Cartman is going to run himself into the ground. I know that, everyone knows that.” Craig enumerates before continuing, “I wanted them to vote me out before, but I think it’ll be easier to just win the game.” _

 

_ Cartman’s tits are shrinking as he’s been starving, “Yes! Fuck Yes! That’s what Kyle gets for stealing Mr. Piggy away from me.” _

 

Henrietta throws her bag down in the poorly made shelter, she freely lets her vaginal leakage hit the floor.

 

“What the hell, did you have to do that?” Clyde said in an annoyed tone.

 

Henrietta ignores Clyde and takes her lighter and just throws it onto the shelter, burning it down.

 

“What the fuck! BITCH YOU’RE BURNING OUR CHEESY POOFS!” Cartman screams.

 

Henrietta nonchalantly walks off into the woods, “Whatever, burn it down, burn it down.”

 

Clyde and Cartman struggle to calm down the flames, Craig stands there all gay not doing anything.

 

_ “I think Henrietta tried killing me tonight.” Clyde said in a somber tone against the stars.  _

 

_ “This is so frustrating, like you think you have the game going your way, then you get to tribal and BAM! Egg on your face.” Sighing, Nichole hangs her head down. She frowns, “I jumped on a sinking ship. Now Henrietta burned down the camp and my chances to win the game.”  _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Night 6**

* * *

Low ethnic moaning in the soundtrack over a shot of the moon high in the sky.

 

Nightcam shot view of the seven members of the yellow tribe huddled under their 5-person-sized shelter.

 

_ Bebe holding her tits for warmth the following morning. “Last night was the coldest night yet, and seeing as the shelter is too small anyway, it was time for some cuddling.” _

 

Two bright green dots emerge in the night cam view, and Kenny’s voice emerges “What the hell?”

 

_ “That slut Bebe was trying to touch my junk,” Kenny massaging his scrotum. _

 

Stan’s gay-ass pussy diplomatic voice awkwardly broke the silence of everyone on the tribe being awake. “Okay so, can someone move back or something, because I can feel someone’s dick hitting my back.” 

 

Towelie coughs, “I’m sorry man, Blanket over here is just really horny, you know?”

 

_ Towelie sharing a blunt with the blanket, “Now that I’m playing for two in this game, there’s a lot more I need to take into account.” _

 

_ Pete bitterly smoking a cigarette with raccoon eyes. “So we’ve been on this tribe for a few nights now, but I guess we can’t figure out a sleeping configuration where Bebe’s tits aren’t in someone’s face. Go figure.” _

 

After a long pregnant pause, Tweek gives up on sleeping and gets up to go for a walk. The tribe dissipate from under the shelter, with only Bebe remaining there trying to sleep. She watched Stan and Wendy making out from afar holding a tit in loneliness.

 

_ Bebe with mascara running down her face. “It just sucks not having someone by your side out here. My vagina is just so dry.” _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 7**

* * *

“Yellow tribe, come on in!” Randy shouts, glowing from his recent diddling of his wife.

 

They nonchalantly trot in looking ragged as shit. Bebe’s hair is greasy as fuck as she grins at the camera.

 

“Get your first look at the new Blue tribe, Kyle voted out at the last tribal council.” Cartman leads the tribe.

 

“What?” Stan gasps in a faggy manner.

 

_ “This is crazy, I can not trust the other tribe.” Stan shook his head and ball his fists in the snow. _

 

“Are you ready to get to today’s challenge?” Most of the remaining kids just shrugged their shoulders.

 

“In Stark’s Pond, there’s a balance beam, one member from each tribe will be trying to balance and shove off the opposite tribe member into the wata. If you stay on the beam, you earn a point for your tribe, first tribe to four points will win immunity and a great reward.” Randy smiled as he shit his britches.

 

“You’ll be going to City Wok!”

 

_ “I love the shitty chicken and the shitty beef!” Clyde read off a cue card. _

 

“Yellow tribe, you have one extra member, who are you sitting out?”

 

The tribe unanimously all states “Towelie.”

 

Towelie jumps up, “Yay!”

 

“Alright, we’ll take our positions and you’ll have to decide the order you go in.” Randy dully explained as each tribe huddled together.

 

“So the fat people need to go first, that way we can get three points easy, bam, boom.” Nichole gesticulated. “So Cartman first, then Henrietta, then Shelly.”

 

“Fuck you too...turd.” Shelly mumbles.

 

“I am not FAT, okay?” Cartman complained, “It doesn’t matter, we’re going to destroy their shitty team, am I right guys?”

 

“Yeah!” Clyde says all optimistically while Henrietta poops a little as some blood runs down her leg. 

 

On the yellow tribe, Stan thought that it was his duty to delegate positions since he was white and male. “Okay, so I’ll go first then Kenny, Bebe, Wendy, Pete, and Tweek will go last.”

 

Pete nods since Stan actually remembered his name.

 

“So who should go if it ties three to three?”  Wendy asks in a smug way.

 

“I guess, me?” Stan puffed out his chest. Tweek bugs out as a pigeon flies too close.

 

“Everyone take your spots!” Dramatic shot change to the balance beam with Cartman and Stan on either side. “We have Cartman taking on Stan.”

 

“You’re going down, gay boy!” Cartman crouched as Randy shot a bullet from his gun.

 

Cartman waddles on the balance beam to get closer to Stan, but is crippled due to his weight. Stan easily advances and shoves Cartman into the pond.

 

“That’s my boy! Yellow leads one to zero!” Camera cuts to the next round. “We have Henrietta taking on Kenny. Survivors ready…” Randy shoots his gun again. Tweek yells from the little boats they keep the castaways on between rounds.

 

“Don’t slip on your cunt juice, fatty,” Kenny chortled. Henrietta remained still as a statue.

 

“Henrietta hasn’t moved an inch,” Randy commented patronizingly. 

 

_ “I was always really good at balancing from ballet practice,” Henrietta showing off her first position. _

 

Just then, a large canadian goose that had been killed by Randy’s gunshot, fell from the heavens and struck Kenny in the head, killing him. His dead body slumps overs into the water. “Henrietta wins a point! We are even one, one!”

 

A gay window movie maker transition with stars and shit fly by and Bebe and Shelly are now on the beam.

 

_ “I’m nervous, but I think I can beat her, it’s like David and Goliath!” Bebe ties her hair back emphasizing her large breasts.  _

 

“Survivors ready? GO!” Randy screams like a dickhole.

 

“Ahhh!” Shelly charges and grunts, Bebe defensively stands in her place, Shelly collides with her boobs and bounces into the water.

 

“Did I win?” Bebe blinks waiting for a response.

 

“Yellow takes the lead, two to one, are you okay Shelly?” Randy takes concern for his daughter.

 

“I’m fine, Jesus!” Shelly pouts like a wet pussy.

 

Another quick jump cut, “Next is Wendy vs. Nichole!”

 

They both unceremoniously get ready to take each down.

 

“Go!” Randy shouts!

 

They both tip toe their way across, however Nichole trips and almost falls off.

 

_ “In my head, I’m just like fall, bitch, fall! I knew I had to concentrate though,” Wendy sits on stump looking a bit more deranged due to starvation. _

 

Before letting Nichole rise to her feet, Wendy pushes her in. “Yellow leads three to one! Blue really needs a miracle here!” Randy says overlaid on a shot of the Blue tribe mostly looking hella pissed. 

 

“Next up we have Clyde taking on Pete,” Randy voiceover as Pete lights a cigarette up on the balance beam. “Survivors ready…” Pete groaned as the gunshot went off.

 

_ “I know challenges aren’t my strong point but we only needed one more point, and I had it in the bag,” Pete smirking. _

 

Clyde awkwardly shifts his weight to try to karate-chop Pete off the balance beam, but Pete blows some smoke in his eyes causing him to wildly miscalculate his swing, and he fell right the fuck off.

 

_ “My eyes really hurt,” Clyde moans as he rubs his eyes. “I think I have pinkeye!” _

 

“Yellow tribe wins immunity and some shitty wok!”

 

The Yellow tribe erupts into cheers and embrace as Clyde starts crying because he lost the challenge.

 

“Blue tribe, you don’t win anything but a reservation with ME at tribal council tonight, I’ll see you then.”

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 7**

* * *

_ “It’s really great to support local business, and I love the City Fried Pork!” Wendy affably chewing on some fake-looking meat. _

 

The Yellow tribe filed into the City Wok, which had mostly been completely reserved for them, other than a table in the corner where some asian lady was singing.

 

“Wait a second, that’s internet personality Wing!” Stan cried out with excitement. Wing giggled asianly.

 

“Welcome to Shitty Wok, take ya orda prees,” the guy behind the counter said.

 

The yellow tribe filled their plates with shitty buffet style food and quickly divided into groups to eat. 

 

Stan and Wendy sit next together in a booth, they share lo mein and do that gay lady and the tramp thing with the noodles. Tweek anxiously passes by them hoping for some positive interaction but receives only glares in return. He goes to sit in the corner alone.

 

_ “I really think I shot myself in the foot on this one,” Tweek rubbing his stomach from indigestion. “At this point I think my best bet would be to lay low and hope that someone else annoys them more than I do.” _

 

Bebe then arrives with a plate full of only white rice, “Hey guys!”

 

Wendy gives Bebe a fake ass smile. “Wanna sit with us?”

 

_ “Bebe’s got everyone a little annoyed after the sleeping situation last night, but I think this reward was a good healing experience for everyone,” Wendy grinning condescendingly. _

 

_ “I really liked this reward, I don’t normally get to eat that much, you know, it’s really not that easy coming from the poor side of town.” Sad ass music swells as Kenny continues speaking, “Eating bad chinese food really lifted my spirits.” _

 

“I want chang sauce! Where’s the chang sauce?” Towelie screams. “Give me some fucking CHANG sauce.”

 

_ “That P.F. Chang’s had some really poor service,” Towelie smokes a bowl while intertwined with Blanket. _

 

“Fortune cookie fo everyone,” the racist caricature passed out fortune cookies to each of the yellow tribe.

 

“An auspicious wind brought you to this point,” Wendy read her fortune to Stan slowly and contemplatively. “What does yours say?”

 

“You’re not supposed to show people, then it doesn’t come tru,” Stan said retardedly.

 

_ Stan opening his fortune in the bathroom. “The two tribes will become one when eleven castaways remain.” Stan fervently counting on his fingers. _

 

“Oh my god, let me read my fortune!” Bebe cracks her cookie with fucked up nails, she quietly reads to herself, “Only two will face the jury.” She lightly gasps.

 

“What was yours Bebe?” Wendy, the nosy cunt.

 

“Oh nothing, you know, it won’t come tru!” She laughs it off.

 

“I can’t read, help!” Tweek takes Towelie’s fortune and reads it to him, “Your love life is quickly picking up, catch that wave?” Tweek says with uncertainty, before he cracks open his own.

 

_ “Mine told me that allegiance is the most important thing in this game,” Tweek yanking at his hair. “It’s like the cookie knew that everyone hates me!” _

 

Pete sitting by himself for the reward opens his cookie and doesn’t eat it. 

 

_ “My fortune told me that all idols have been found,” Pete feverishly smokes two cigarettes at once, “Like fuck, I don’t have an idol.” _

 

Kenny gobbles down his fortune cookie, pulling the little tab of paper out of his mouth. “Death surrounds him.” Kenny looks up at the flourescent ceiling light.

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 7**

* * *

_ “I’m honestly kind of glad we lost this one,” Cartman scratching his anus with a cheesy poof dust-covered hand. “There are too many sandy vaginas on this tribe coming after me and we need to cut some dead weight,” laid over foreboding shots of Nichole and Henrietta as the tribe walks back to camp. _

 

The tribe returns to the ashen remains of their camp. “So, anyone wanna come get some water with me?” Nichole looked around with gusto.

 

_ “My head is definitely on the chopping block tonight, Henrietta was my only ally left and she’s too loose of a cannon for me to trust her,” Nichole wincing as she stretches her arms, “Now I just have to hope for a crack in the alliance. _

 

After Nichole and Craig left for the well, Cartman side-eyed Henrietta venomously. “Don’t you have to go douche or something?” Henrietta scowled and left to smoke a cigarette. Cartman turned to Clyde and Shelly, who remained at the remains of the fire pit. “So which bitch tonight guys?”

 

“I’m fine either way,” Clyde blurted out diffidently. Shelly nodded stoically.

 

_ “At this point, I think it’s best to just stick with this alliance,” Shelly taking off her gloves to reveal a vicious hangnail. “The numbers are here, and my name has yet to be in anyone’s mouth despite the fact that I’m a huge physical threat.” _

 

_ “I think it is time to play the game,” Craig motions after slight prodding from production. _

 

Jump cut to Nichole and Craig carrying water, “So what’s the deal?” Nichole asks in a polite tone to please Craig’s white sensibilities. 

 

“I know you hate Cartman, but I think there’s bigger fish to fry,” Craig nasally responds, as the camera shows Shelly lounging on the snow, soaking up some sunshine. 

 

Meanwhile back at camp, Shelly prods Cartman. “You know, those turds have been gone for a while. What if they’re looking for the hidden immunity turd?”

 

_ “And that’s when it hit me,” Cartman shaking his head slowly. “Sometimes this game can be a little tricky. I thought it was over just because we got the Jew out.” _

 

When Craig and Nichole return to camp, Clyde is the only one there, sitting impatiently. “Uh, hey Craig, wanna come talk for a sec?”

 

_ “Nichole was stifling my game, don’t cockblock me bro,” Clyde tying some leaves together. “This is a crucial vote and sometimes you just need to talk to someone, like we’re going to tribal in ten minutes!” _

 

Nichole finds Henrietta smoking her cig on the shore of the pond. “What’s your problem?” Nichole asked flatly.

 

Henrietta flicked her cigarette. “What’s yours?”

 

_ “I honestly could not care less if it’s me tonight,” Henrietta throwing a pinecone tampon in the river. _

 

Clyde frantically led Craig to behind a large patch of trees, where Cartman and Shelly were waiting. “Okay, here’s how we all have to vote,” Cartman took the stage, “we need to put two votes on fat goth cunt and two on monkey queen, in case one of them ends up pulling out the idol.” Shelly counting on her fingers. Shot closes in on Craig’s kinda big nose.

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 7**

* * *

The Blue tribe sauntered in after an exhausting day of not eating and strategizing.

 

“So Blue tribe, you’ve been out here a whole week! How are you doing?” Randy cheesily smiled at them, Henrietta took the opportunity to self harm.

 

“Mr. Marsh, Henrietta burned down our camp since she’s fucking crazy!” Cartman raved, stupidly jumping at the bit.

 

“I was making a statement, you cock fart.” Henrietta didn’t even look at Cartman.

 

“Really??” Cartman barked incredulously. “Well when it’s obvious that you’re lower down on the totem pole than the black chick, I would think you would think twice about making statements!” Ominous shot of Nichole with the bell sound effect.

 

“Yeah, you’re out of line,” Clyde laughed nervously. “Skank!”

 

“Shelly, how do you weigh in on all of this?” Randy smiling paternally.

 

“Dad, I’m trying to lay low, shut up!” Shelly grinded her teeth in anticipation for this vote.

 

“Who here feels like they might be in danger tonight?” Randy asked casually. After a moment, only Nichole and Henrietta raised their hands, with the latter spilling blood onto her hair.

 

“Nichole, you’ve been called a lot of things the last few tribals,” Randy explained over a shot of Nichole looking outraged. “Black. In danger. Do you think you have a chance to claw your way back up?”

 

“I mean this is what the game of Survivor is all about,” Nichole moving her head back and forth. “If I’m too black for these people, I guess it’s my time to go.”

 

“It’s time to vote, Shelly, you’re up first.”

 

Shelly angrily writes down, [Henrietta] “You burnt the picture of my long distance boyfriend Amir, fuck you, I hope you hemorrhage.” 

 

Craig votes and simply smirks like a little shit.

 

Cartman jaunts over to the urn and scrawls, [Niggole], “Checkmate, nig!”

 

Henrietta bleeds on her way up, she sighs and signs a name.

 

Nichole skips her way to the voting booth, “If this is the last vote I get to cast, at least I tried, that’s what matters. Mua das a kiss.”

 

A shot of Clyde’s sweet ass as he votes in a boring manner. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” the music built over close-up shots of Nichole, Henrietta and Craig.

 

“If anyone has the immunity idol and wants to play it, now is the time to do so.” The camera pans over the tribe and no one stands up, Cartman claps like a seal.

 

Once the votes are read, the decision is final, and the person voted out needs to GTFO. “First vote…” [Niggole] Randy chuckles, earning a middle finger from Nichole.

 

“Next vote…” [Henrietta]

 

She rolls her eyes.

 

“Next vote…” Randy repeats, [Clyde]

 

Clyde gasps, “This changes everything!”

 

“One vote, Nichole, Henrietta, and Clyde. Three votes left.”

 

[Nichole]

 

A shot of Nichole looking expectant and ready to get up. 

 

[Clyde]

 

He gasps again, “Two votes Clyde, two votes Nichole, one vote Henrietta, one vote left.”

 

“And the eighth person voted out of Survivor: South Park…”

 

The camera douchily hovers over Nichole, Clyde, and Henrietta. …[Clyde]. “The tribe has spoken.” Clyde’s mouth drops open as he wordlessly grabs his torch. A close-up shot of Cartman’s face showed the flames reflecting in his eyes. The hashtag blindside comes up in the corner of the screen.

 

“Clyde… the tribe has spoken,” Randy snuffs Clyde’s torch. “Time for you to go.”

 

Clyde tries to say something, but garbled his words and walks off into the Marsh house. 

 

“Allegiance is the most important thing in this game,” Randy tells the blue tribe cryptically as the camera shows shots of a perturbed Shelly and Craig looking apathetic. “Head back to camp.”

 

_ Clyde eating a stick of butter. “I didn’t even think they were voting for me tonight. I don’t wanna go home, I hate black people!” _

 

**NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR SOUTH PARK**

* * *

_ Shelly picking out her teeth with a stick. “That turd lied to me.” _

 

_ Wendy wildly making gesticulations at the fire. “It’s a straight shot for us!” _

 

_ “Nothing in this game could make me happy,” Henrietta moans as blood flows from her wrist and cooch. _

 

_ “She’s just too much temptation, man,” laid over a shot of Towelie jerking off under the water. _


	8. I Feel Warm

Randy waiting in line at the Whole Foods, he punches an old lady in the back of the head, “LAST TIME ON SURVIVOR!” 

 

Shot of Wendy and Bebe giving each other fake ass smiles in the City Wok. “While the Yellow tribe chowed down, the shrinking Blue tribe was put to the vote once again,” shot of Clyde running like a faggot to lead Craig to the alliance meeting. “Cartman tried to call the shots, but after a botched vote split plan, outsiders Nichole and Henrietta were both spared as Clyde was blindsided.”

 

“Twelve are left, who will be voted out TONIGHT?” Camera zooms out to reveal the produce section.

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Night 7**

* * *

Low, ominous music plays as the night cam shows the five remaining Blue tribe members filing back into camp.

 

_ “Honestly I thought it was gonna be me last night,” Nichole’s eyes popping out of her head. “I guess Craig was actually serious about making a move, but honestly Cartman’s gonna be so mad now I’ll probably be up on a cross by the morning.” _

 

Camera shows Nichole, Henrietta and Craig awkwardly sitting around camp as Cartman and Shelly scowl at a distance.

 

_ “So we blindsided another one of the fatass’s peons last night, and for some reason we haven’t heard a word out of him yet,” Henrietta ruffling her hair. “He’s just hiding in the shadows with that dyke chick.” _

 

“I’m seriously going to murder all of them,” Cartman bitching to Shelly. “Wanna restrain Michelle Obama for me as I hold goth bitch’s face in the fire?”

 

“I know,” Shelly cracking her knuckles. “But we’re gonna have to at least try to get those turds back if we want a chance at staying in this game. Craig, first of all.” The camera cuts to Craig sitting in the shelter.

 

_ “That turd lied to me,” Shelly picking out her teeth with a stick. _

 

“But meewwwwm,” Cartman displeased.

 

_ Cartman barely keeping it under a lid. “I swear to fucking christ I am going to kill one of these fags very soon. The only reason my hands aren’t around the welfare queen’s neck is because it would endanger my chance of the hundred dollars.” _

 

Cartman finally loses his patience and runs over and grabs Henrietta’s lighter when she pulls it out to light up, and lights the new camp they had built over the last day on fire. “FUCK YOU CRAIG, FUCK YOU EMO CUNT, FUCK YOU GHETTO SLUT, ESPECIALLY FUCK YOU CRAIG.”

 

Shelly facepalms in the distance dismayed as Nichole pats some embers out of her hair, shrieking.

 

_ “At this point, I think I’m the only one Eric trusts,” Shelly chewing on her retainer. “It’s gonna take some turd-handling to save him next vote.” _

 

_ “I guess we might have the numbers now, but nothing in this game could make me happy,” Henrietta moans as blood flows from her wrist and cooch. _

 

Thunder cracks and rain starts fallin’ on the Blue shelter, putting out the rest of the dying flames. “Lame,” Craig whines as he rolls onto his stomach. The tribe all gathers under the new, new half-assed shelter roof in uncomfortable silence as Cartman sheepishly eats cheesy poofs.

 

_ “I’m not at all surprised that Cartman’s too afraid to say shit now that his numbers are gone,” Nichole holding a knee indignantly. “He can burn down the camp ten more times, doesn’t change the fact his obese racist ass is next gone.” _

 

_ “This tribe isn’t that bad, I don’t think,” Craig reclining in some daisies. _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 8**

* * *

Uplifting shot of Stan, Wendy and Kenny chopping coconuts on the beach after all of the Yellow tribe’s food is dampened in the storm. Kenny misses and chops his foot off, provoking laughs from all.

 

_ “So there was a big storm last night, but the tribe overall still seems to be in good spirits,” Stan wringing out his poofball hat. “We just keep winning and it’s hard not to feel like, you know, one of us is winning the hundred dollars.” _

 

“Hey Pete, can I ask you something?” Bebe and Pete sitting in the dilapidated shelter.

 

“Whatever,” He sighs.

 

“Do you have a girlfriend in South Park? Or no?” Her hair waves in the strong wind.

 

“Not really, dating seems pretty conformist.” Pete begins to smoke another cigarette.

 

_ “I really think that I like the weird emo kid, he just seems so deep, you know?” Bebe giggled making her titties jiggle, “It helps to flirt a little in this game, you have to cover ALL of your bases.” _

 

Kenny, reincarnated after bleeding out through his ankle, walks past Bebe, laughing like a hyena with a nip basically out, to get his water bottle from the shelter.

 

_ “So I happen to overhear Bebe throwing herself at the goth kid,” Kenny contemplative in the Tom’s Rhinoplasty parking lot. “It got me to thinking, the goth kid is kinda hot.” _

 

Towelie finally sobers up enough to release himself from the clothesline upon which he was drying from last night’s storm, and walks off for a smoke with Kenny, hiding his towel boner.

 

Towelie and Kenny split off to their smoking cave, “Man, when is this camping trip going to end? I wanna go home, I really miss Washcloth, and the little blonde girl is really turning me the fuck on.” Towelie whips out his luxury item, and tokes the fuck up.

 

“I don’t know man, but I think I need to make another stop at TGI Friday’s.” Kenny whips out his dickie.

 

_ “So last night during the storm, I had a wicked dream that the immunity challenge had something to do about throwing balls or something?” Tweek rocks back and forth next to a frozen Stark’s Pond, “Like I don’t know if it means something or if I’m just going crazy. AH!”  _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 8**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” Randy’s voice echoes of the South Park Recreation Center. The castaways file in all wearing gym clothes that they received from treemail. “Yellow tribe, get your first look at the new Blue tribe, Clyde voted out at the last tribal council.”

 

“Wow.” Bebe shutters in her jersey.

 

“Today’s challenge, we’ll be playing some bball. Each team will have three shooters and two defenders. The first tribe to score five baskets will win immunity and reward.” 

 

Quick shot to Wendy and her hungry eyes, Randy continues, “The winning tribe will get to spend the night… in my house. My wife Sharon, will cook your meal, you'll be able to shower and will get to sleep in a bed.

 

Shot of varied castaway reactions being like “wow!”

 

_ “I need to win this, I don't want some dumb turd to touch my sheets.” Shelly stated looking hella ripped in her gym clothes.  _

 

“Yellow tribe, you have two extra members and you can’t sit the Towel out in back to back challenges.” Randy said all patronizingly. 

 

The yellow tribe huddled together like titty, “I think the women should sit out.” Kenny spit, which only earned him a glare from Wendy.

 

“Can I sit out?” Tweek gaily raises his hand, 

 

“Same.” Pete lit up a cigarette. 

 

“Okay, Dad, we're sitting out Tweek and Pete,” Stan reports for the tribe unprovoked. Randy nods proudly.

 

An aerial transitional shot breaks into the beginning of the challenge with sound effect of ethnic-sounding man groaning in a prolonged fashion like “OOOOAHHHH”.

 

“For Yellow, we have Stan, Bebe, and Towelie shooting, For Blue, Cartman, Nichole, and Shelly are shooting.”

 

“The defenders for Yellow are Wendy and Kenny, while Craig and Henrietta are defending for Blue.” Randy raises his arm to shoot his gun, “Survivors ready? Go!” 

 

Nichole immediately grabs a basketball and scores from the three point line.

 

_ “I don't know what came over me, I just knew that we could not go back to tribal.” Nichole panted while she drank some Dasani water.  _

 

Bebe throws a ball and misses. Henrietta is busy bleeding on the basketball court making it especially difficult for any of the defenders to block.

 

Shelly throws her ball a bit aggressively, but still scores a point. It grazes Wendy’s pancake titty upon its descent but she don’t even feel nothing in those.

 

“Blue is up by two!” Randy gaily shouted. 

 

Towelie is too busy tying up his arm to shoot up heroin. “Ugh!” Stan groans as a basketball hits Henrietta in the vagina.

 

_ “I feel warm,” Towelie with a needle sticking out of his arm. _

 

Bebe anxiously grabs the ball that bounced off of Henrietta’s cunt and tosses it for dear life at the basket.

 

“Bebe scores for Yellow, we’re at TWO… ONE!”

 

Cartman goes for a ball, and stumbles over one of Towelie’s used syringes. Nichole shoots another basket and is all like, “Swish! Boom!” Wendy narrows her eyes.

 

_ “I swear to God, black lives matter, but I just had to best Nichole in this challenge. It became a personal matter.” Wendy with fire in her eyes. _

 

Stan tries to toss a ball, and he’s way short. “Jesus.”

 

“Work on your stance Stan,” Randy from the sidelines, as Henrietta works to block a comatose Towelie in the foreground.

 

“Don’t help him, Dad god!” Shelly throws a ball at Randy.

 

Cartman is already sweating as he weakly throws a ball.

 

_ “Basketball is simply for black people,” Cartman’s fat arms jiggle as he shoves some more Cheesy Poofs in his face. _

 

Shelly punches Cartman out of the way to get another ball. She easily runs and scores the fourth point for Blue. Bebe shoots again for Yellow, but is blocked by Craig.

 

Meanwhile Nichole had already reclaimed a ball for Blue, Wendy puts on her meanest game face and prepares to intercept her but Nichole weaves away and instead goes for the weak point defended by Kenny, she jumps off of his face and slam dunks the ball. Kenny falls and his neck and a loud audible crack is heard.

 

“NICHOLE WINS FOR BLUE TRIBE!” 

 

Blue tribe all erupt into orgasmic celebration. Nichole gets all cute and jumps on Craig’s shoulders as Kenny dies.

 

“Sounds like you were thirsty for this win, Blue tribe,” Randy attempting to relate with the children. Nichole nods emphatically and takes the tribal immunity idol, which is just a shoebox from him. “No tribal for you tonight, and you win the night in my house!”

 

A weaker set of “woo!”s is heard.

 

_ “I was pretty excited to fuck with Stan’s stuff,” Cartman sitting next to Grandpa Marsh in the kitchen. _

 

“Wait! Agh! Towelie isn’t getting up!” Tweek screams as the camera pans to Towelie seizing in the middle of the basketball court.

 

Randy gasps, “We need medical!” 

 

Nurse Gollum and the dead fetus on her head rush out with some Narcan.

 

“We're stabilizing him!” She screams as Bebe starts crying.

 

Time passes and Towelie doesn't die in the middle of the challenge. 

 

“Okay, Blue tribe you'll be heading to my house. Yellow tribe, even after Towelie’s near death experience, you still have tribal council tonight.” Randy sends off the tribes and they fuck off.

 

**Blue Tribe - Reward Trip**

**Day 8**

* * *

A sweet shot of Craig’s ass is shown as the Blue tribe shares a shower. “Yess. Yessss.” Cartman moans.

 

_ “So we won the challenge today which was pretty kewl,” Cartman sheepishly rubbing his nose. “I don’t think I was in any danger of going anyway because that faggot Craig doesn’t have any balls.” _

 

Craig passes Cartman a bar of soap. “Thanks Craig,” Cartman replies affably.

 

_ “I'm actually glad we won today, I finally got a fucking tampon.” Henrietta explains as she shoves an extra tampon up her nose.  _

 

Swelling victorious music plays as Sharon serves food to the blue tribe sitting at the dining table. “I made your favorite Shelly!” Shelly was so hungry she started eating with her hands.

 

_ “It was really special for me to have that moment experiencing another culture,” laid over Nichole getting glared at by Grandpa Marsh, sitting next to her. _

 

The music switches to the strategy brewing track as Cartman pensively puts a hand to his mashed potato-covered mouth. “So guys,” he started definitively, alerting the tribe to attention. “First of all, I want to apologize for burning down the camp earlier,” he coughed, “This was a big win, and I think it’s given us the momentum we need. But while we may have won today, and we’re knocking them down to six, there’s only five of us,”

 

“I’m glad you can count, fatass,” Nichole interrupted.

 

“Fuck off bitch,” Cartman deadpanned calmly. “The five of us are gonna get picked off one by one if we don’t stick together, especially once the two tribes become one, so solidarity is key.”

 

“Yeah,” Craig nodded.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nichole giving Cartman racially-offended crazy eyes.

 

“Do you want a chance at the hundred dollars or not?” Shelly muffled through bites of food.

 

“Is it worth my integrity?” Henrietta muttered cuttingly as she picked bits of chicken out of her teeth.

 

_ “It’s twisted enough that this fat fuck thinks I’m gonna work with him, but the fact that Craig is willing to?” Nichole twitching. “No way in hell am I staying loyal to these snitch ass bitches, but I guess I need to keep my options open.” _

 

“Just think about it guys, we need to kick Wendy Testaburger in the balls,” Cartman indignant.

 

Nichole looking down at her plate. “I guess you’re right. Five strong guys.”

 

Craig nodded, a little more emphatically this time. Henrietta made a vaguely affirmative gesture from across the table, she was busy trying to smuggle Sharon’s home-cooked peas into her cleavage.

 

“Five strawng!” Cartman barked.

 

_ “I would rather watch HGTV with my bitch mom than put my trust in Eric Cartman, but I’m not really in a position to turn down an alliance,” Henrietta with her hair up drying in a towel wrap. _

 

_ “No way in hell would I take these losers to the final fi,” Cartman shoving chicken pot pie in his mouth in the Marshes’ bathroom. “But as long as they’re stupid enough to do what I say, they’ll make valuable assets.” _

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Day 8**

* * *

_ “Almost dying at the challenge really woke me up, stay woke.” Towelie smoked a bowl desperately. _

 

Wendy had pretentiously brought the tribe around their flaccid fire for a meeting. “So after the Towel gets back from his confessional, we need to have an intervention.”

 

Stan furiously nodded. 

 

_ “It's oppressive to tell the Towel what to do, if he wants to die sooner, more power to him.” Pete flipped his bangs in a gay manner. “But obviously I wasn’t gonna speak up against this rah-rah-rah tribe.” _

 

Towelie stumbled back into camp. “Where am I?” He notices all of the cold glances directed at him. 

 

Bebe piped up, having a slight nip slip, “Towelie, we have something to say to you.”

 

“Yeah, we all love you Towelie.” Wendy said gaily. 

 

“So what? Eat my butt.” Towelie slurred.

 

_ “It was really hard watching Towelie destroy himself, I've been his ally and friend since day one.” Tweek wiped a tear away, “I just want him to be okay.” _

 

“Towelie, if you're continue your lifestyle, you're gonna freaking die!” Stan exclaimed. 

 

“Good! You don't know shit! It's hard being a towel.” Towelie slumps over like a towel. “You don’t fucking know me, and also, fuck off!” He storms away, ending the intervention abruptly. An ominously low tone plays over the lingering shot of the other tribemates standing around the fire.

 

“Uhh… let’s build some sand castles guys!” Bebe suggests awkwardly. Wendy, Stan and Tweek all agree fervently.

 

_ “Morale is getting pretty low at camp, and we were all obviously worried about Towelie, so I decided to bring some fun to the tribe, to lift our spirits.” laid over shots of Bebe laughing enthusiastically as she plays with the sand. _

 

Pete pipes up. “I can go get some water to, like, make wet sand.” Bebe grins and her tits jiggle in agreement.

 

_ “After all, I can still look forward to talking to Pete, I feel like he’s my best friend here now that Wendy’s busy with dicke,” Bebe stretching showing her fine ass. _

 

After Tweek leaves with Pete to help with the water, Stan turns to his alliance, “I think it’s obvious who has to go tonight,” with a twinge of manufactured sadness.

 

Wendy passes him a shovel. “It’s really too bad, Tweek deserved to go next,” ominous drum bang as we quickly jump to a shot of Tweek smiling innocently as he carries water buckets, “but we need to do this for Towelie’s own sake.” Kenny shrugs nonchalantly.

 

“Definitely,” Bebe standing up from her completed sand castle. “I think I’m gonna try to go check on him.”

 

_ “I love Towelie, but I think the stress of the game is bringing out his self-destructive tendencies,” Stan with his arms crossed. “It’s depressing to be around and I want to send him to a better place.” _

 

Meanwhile, Pete and Tweek stand at the water fountain in the school, filling their buckets. “We need to keep the Towel in.” Pete blandly states. 

 

“Yeah, but how do we get the votes?” Tweek anxious.

 

“We should just try whatever we can, we only need one more of them to vote with us,” Pete straining to lift his heavy bucket.

 

_ “It’s a pretty foregone conclusion that Towelie is the vote tonight,” Pete patching a cigarette with a sticky-note he stole from Principal Victoria’s office, “but he’s probably the one vote Tweek and I can count on going forward. I can’t afford to spit in the face of the four of them in power,” cut to the alliance of four building sand castles, “but if I can save the Towel and keep their trust, I’m in a golden position.” _

 

“Who should I tell Towelie to vote for?” Tweek asks as the boys exit the school. “Wendy?”

 

“No. We can’t conform to that feminazi’s game, that’s the first thing she’d expect,” Pete shuts him down dryly.

 

“Then who?” The camera shows ominous shots of each of the sand castle crew.

 

Pete paused for a moment. “Remember back at the last vote, how Towelie was supposed to go but Kenny switched his vote? Maybe if we tell the conformists that they’ll cast him out like they did to you,” Pete reflects brutally.

 

Meanwhile, outside of camp, Bebe found a sad and lonely Towelie hiding behind some bushes.

 

“Are you okay, Towelie?” Bebe bounces her titties while crouching to talk to him.

 

Towelie turns to face her, revealing his quickly hardening towel dick. “Oh, uh, hey.”

 

“Do you need to talk to someone, or do you want to be left alone?” Bebe’s tits at Towelie’s eye level.

 

“Uhhh….” Towelie stuttered, still a bit on heroin. “Can I see that,” he sputters through a dry mouth.

 

“What?”

 

Towelie suddenly sprung up, thrusting his face in between Bebe’s sweet tits. “This is nice.”

 

Bebe started to scream. “No! Please stop!” But then Towelie covered her mouth with some of his towel body, undoing her top with his other towel hand as his throbbing erection pulsated against Bebe’s tiny thigh.

 

“Don’t worry, pretty princess.” Towelie sticks a finger in Bebe’s tight virgin (?) pussy, evoking a muffled squeal, and pushes her over behind the bushes as he begins to have his way with her.

 

Meanwhile, Stan finally finished his sand castle. “What do you think, Wendy?”

 

Wendy smiled insincerely, placating Stan.

 

_ “Wendy and I are the strongest alliance in this game,” Stan sitting on a rock casually. “We have this system where, I talk to Kenny, she talks to Bebe, and that way we’ll always have the numbers. Chinese God or whatever told me that we merge into one team after this vote, so as long as we stick together we’ll have a good shot.” _

 

Tweek and Pete return to camp. “Wh-where’d everyone go?” Tweek dripping with paranoia.

 

“I don’t know. Kenny went to whiz,” Wendy replied flatly. “We were just building sand castles.”

 

Pete started feeling himself. “So do you guys have any thoughts on the vote tonight?” Wendy and Stan looked at each other.

 

“Honestly, I think it’s gotta be the towel,” Wendy leveled with the two outsiders.

 

“And is everyone down for that? Is Kenny?” Pete kept pressing.

 

“Yeah,” Stan answered abruptly with a hint of annoyance. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

 

Meanwhile in the woods, Kenny is peeing on some moss when he catches a glimpse of Towelie stumbling in the distance. “Hey Towelie!” He got close enough to see the tears streaming down Towelie’s face, and moments later Towelie was throwing himself in Kenny’s arms.

 

“I fucked up, man,” Towelie wetting Kenny’s parka with his and Bebe’s collective juices.

 

“I’m sorry Towelie, I know it’s rough being on the outs,” Kenny innocently patting Towelie on the back. 

 

“I just -- I really needed that hundred dollars, man. I’m broke and I owe someone money, man, I didn’t think I could fuck up this bad, I just wanted to get a little high first,” Towelie pouring his heart out to Kenny.

 

_ “I really felt bad for Towelie, I grew up in the wrong part of town and I can tell how much he means it when he says he needs that money,” Kenny tearing up. “Like fuck man, that’s some heavy shit.” Sad music plays as the shot switches to Towelie and Kenny walking through the forest together. “I have to write his name down tonight, but this is hard, man.” _

 

_ “She’s just too much temptation, man,” Towelie jerking off under the water. _

 

Shot of the sun rapidly setting, as Bebe finally stumbles back into camp. “What’s up Bebe?” Pete greets her warmly.

 

“Oh, uh… nothing. I’m fine,” Bebe takes a seat in the shelter. 

 

“You still good to get the towel out?” Wendy pries nosily.

 

“Oh yeah, of course,” Bebe replies noncommittally as she lays her head down.

 

As the tribe gathers their torches and prepares to leave, Tweek can’t contain himself anymore and pulls Towelie aside behind a dumpster real quick.

 

“I don’t know if we saved you, man,” Tweek tugging on his hair. “Pete and I tried to see if we could flip some votes, because Kenny lied to them last vote, but then we decided--”

 

Towelie cuts him off, totally spent. “It’s okay. Stick to the plan, dude.”

 

Tweek furrows his brow. “What plan?”

 

“You don’t remember?” Towelie paused, staring at Tweek. “Oh, that wasn’t you. Orange jacket kid… Kyle? Yeah. He told me to vote Tweek, and I’ll be safe,” Towelie smiling calmly.

 

“ _ What?!” _   Tweek aghast. “That’s me! We can’t vote me!”

 

_ “Honestly I was taken aback, why would they target me this round?” Tweek pacing around manically. “I realized, maybe they were afraid of an idol getting played and wanted to split the vote? And that’s when it hit me...” _

 

Shots of the tribe carrying their torches in a single-file line outside of camp.

 

_ “I really don’t know what could happen tonight,” laid over Tweek carrying his torch, with Towelie struggling to keep up behind him. “I might be out of options.” _

 

Transitional shot of a gale of wind blowing one of the sand castles with intense ethnic moaning in the background.

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 8**

* * *

The seven members of the Yellow tribe file into the tribal council area and sit, Tweek still looking bugged as fuck.

 

“It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you guys,” Randy smiled at his son fondly. “How’s the tribe holding up, Stan?”

 

“Fine, dad,” Stan made a stank face. “We’re a strong team.”

 

“A strong team, and yet… I noticed a lot of surprised faces at the last vote. Wendy, did that vote go as planned for you?” Randy made a shit-eating grin.

 

Wendy looked affronted. “Well, sometimes locking in every single vote in a tribe of eight can be hard to manage. But I still feel confident in the unity of this tribe.”

 

“So it’ll be a unanimous vote tonight, then?”

 

Wendy paused. “Yes, I believe so.” Several tribe members awkwardly looked over at Towelie, who was practically falling off of his stool.

 

“Why’s that?” Randy kept pushing.

 

“It seems as if it would be for the benefit of the well-being of one of our tribemates if he were to go home,” Wendy explained slowly and deliberately.

 

Randy gave up on Wendy, realizing she was too much of a tight-lipped cunt to spit out a name. “Towelie, it seems like they’re all looking at you. Do you think Wendy’s talking about you?”

 

“Yeah, I think Wendy’s talking shit,” Towelie sputters.

 

“Do you think it’s your time to go home?”

 

“Absolutely not Jeff,” Towelie rubbed his towel nose. “I came here to win that hundred dollars, for Washcloth, and to help start turning my life around,” he explained emotionally while lighting a joint. Kenny frowns while Bebe shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “I might just be a towel, and yeah I might make some mistakes, but this is the chance of a lifetime for me.”

 

“Tweek,” the blond boy jumps and squawks when Randy addresses him. “Do you think there could be value in keeping the towel?”

 

Tweek stares at Pete uncomfortably. “I think that I need to vote with my heart tonight, and make the decision that’s best for our tribe going forward.” Pete returns the glance with confusion.

 

“I think it’s time to vote,” Randy looks around excitedly. “Bebe, you’re up.”

 

Bebe casts her vote wordlessly, an empty look in her eyes.

 

Pete nervously scrawls down a name. “I hope this isn’t a mistake.”

 

Wendy approaches the urn wide-eyed and writes [Towelie] “Your luck’s finally out.”

 

Kenny scurries over, suppressing giggles as he votes. “Bang bang.”

 

Stan looks down as he walks over to vote. “Take care of yourself, man.”

 

Towelie somehow makes it over to the urn and writes a name.

 

Tweek’s eye twitches as he writes down a name. “I didn’t want to have to do this.”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy goes to get the urn as the camera shows Tweek, Pete and Bebe looking nervous. “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so.” The camera flashes from Bebe, to Tweek, to Kenny.

 

...and Kenny stands up. “You know Randy, I know how it feels to be dealt a shit hand in life,” he advances toward Randy. “And I don’t think it’s fair to let our friend Towelie’s dream die just yet. So I’m playing this for him,” he shits the idol onto Randy’s podium. Gasps from the tribe. Shot of Wendy looking ready to murder somebody.

 

Randy hesitating to pick up the idol “This is indeed--”

 

“HOLD THAT THOUGHT RANDY,” the volume of Tweek’s voice rising exponentially. He desperately reaches into his pocket and pulls out his idol, running over to Randy. “I’m not going home tonight.” Pete’s mouth falls open. Stan pinching his nose. Kenny all like “what the hell?”

 

Randy looks pleased. “These are both indeed hidden immunity idols. Any votes cast for Towelie OR Tweek tonight will not count. I’ll read the votes…”

 

Shots of Tweek looking all red in the face, Wendy twisting her body around rapidly trying to ask people who they voted for, Towelie looking blissfully intoxicated.

  
  


“First vote…” [Tweek] “Does not count.” Tweek’s eyes glisten.

 

“Next vote,” [Towelie] “Does not count.”

 

[Towelie] “Does not count.”

 

Towelie retardedly claps his towel hands. “I’m gonna win.”

 

[Towelie] “Does not count.”

 

Tweek shaking his head, while Bebe nervously taps her foot. Wendy bites a finger.

 

“Fifth vote,” [Towelie] “No votes count still, two votes left.”

 

“Next vote... “ music viciously crescendos [Stan] . 

 

Wendy grabs Stan’s thigh. “Oh, no.” 

 

Kenny all like “Uh oh.” Pete smiles.

 

“And the ninth person voted out of Survivor: South Park…” [Stan]

 

Randy sheds a tear, “I’m going to need your torch.”

 

Stan, dumbfounded, grabs Wendy in a prolonged embrace before bringing his torch over to his father. He plops his torch in the little hole and turns to his tribe. “That was super fucking lame.”

 

“Stan, the tribe has spoken,” Randy snuffs Stan’s torch. “Time for you to go.” Stan walks back into his house.

 

“That was probably the most unpredictable vote yet,” Randy clicking his tongue at the Yellow tribe. “Doesn’t seem like you guys are much of a team at all. I’m done with you, head back to camp.”

 

_ “I’ve never been so happy to lose something in my entire life, I don’t have a clue how it happened but I don’t give a shit, dad,” Stan breaking the fourth wall as he sips on a Capri Sun. _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON… SURVIVOR_ **

* * *

_ Tweek banging his head against a tree “Stupid stupid stupid!” _

 

_ “As of last night, he’s dead to me in this game,” Wendy eyeing Kenny like prey. _

 

_ Henrietta spitting. “I’ve never felt so commodified in my life.” _

 

_ “I don’t feel so good,” Bebe puking as Pete holds her hair. _

 

_ Randy doing a gay eyebrow thing. “Drop your buffs.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve read this far, thank you!/please leave a review! We’d love to hear what you think! Also Stan, Wendy, Bebe, Pete voted for Towelie, Tweek and Towelie voted Stan, and Kenny voted Tweek.


	9. Queens Get Dethroned

Randy sharts into a microphone at the local bowling alley, “I’m Steamy Ray Vaughn,” He points at the camera, “PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR!”

 

“At the boring basketball challenge, Nichole easily dominated for the Blue tribe.” Shot of Nichole making a basket like swish! “Things went from bad to worse for Yellow as Towelie had a heroin overdose at the challenge.” Montage of Towelie having a seizure while Nurse Gollum works for her paycheck. 

 

“The Blue tribe enjoyed a nice meal while they agreed to work together moving forward.” The blue tribe looking awkward around the Marsh dinner table. 

 

“But the Yellow tribe saw only dissent, as even after Towelie’s episode,” shot of the Yellow tribe intervention, “and some other flubs,” shot of Towelie railing Bebe, “an explosive tribal council ended with Stan getting blindsided out of the game with two votes after two idol plays; one played by Kenny, saving the towel,” shot of Wendy glaring at Kenny viciously as he shits out his idol, “and the other by Tweek, fearing for his own safety in vain, cancelling the one vote cast for him by Kenny,” Tweek shaking his head as Stan walks back into his house.

 

Randy outside the bowling alley. “And it’s time for the game to be shaken up once more, eleven are left who will be voted out tonight???”

 

**Yellow Tribe**

**Night 8**

* * *

The six remaining tribe members return to camp silently, everyone feeling constipated from the blindside. A few minutes pass, and finally Pete nudged Bebe. “So uh, you okay?”

 

Bebe exhausted. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

Pete touched her shoulder tenderly. “Listen, I know you probably think I didn’t vote the way--”

 

Bebe grabbed Pete and pressed her lips to his. She then took his hand and led him into the woods.

 

“Why are we out here?” Pete asks in a monotone.

 

“I wanted to show you something,” Bebe pulls her top off revealing her voluptuous breasts. 

 

“Oh,” Pete raised his eyebrows, undoing his tight black skinny jeans to reveal his pale ass dick. Bebe laughs playfully and flashes her cooter, and they bang on some dead leaves.

 

_ “Today was such a whirlwind,” Bebe leaning her head on a hand, her hair shimmering in the night camera light. “I don’t even know what to do about Towelie, like how am I supposed to tell my tribe what happened? I really just needed some comfort, and Pete’s dick looked pretty comfortable,” she smiles drily. “How’s it feel, Wendy?” _

 

Wendy sitting in the shelter staring into space, tapping her foot in rage.

 

_ “That was probably the worst possible outcome tonight,” Wendy looking hysterical in the green light of the nightcam. “Not only is my boyfriend out of the game, but my alliance was literally torn limb from limb. I thought we had four strong going forward, but now Stan is gone, and I think it’d be pretty hard for me to trust Kenny anymore,” ominous drum beat as camera cuts to Kenny laying down with his parka pulled over his face. “But I have to try and rebuild, or my chance at the hundred dollars is over.” _

 

Camera shows Tweek sitting far from everyone in the shelter except Towelie, who was out cold beside him.

 

_ Tweek banging his head against a tree. “Stupid stupid stupid! I thought for sure Wendy would have thought to split the vote, but instead I wasted my idol. Now I’m fucked!” _

 

Dramatic shimmery cymbal noise as time lapse shot shows the sun coming up.

 

Pete laying down in the shelter smoking his morning cigarette with gusto as Bebe stirs next to him.

 

_ “So I had sex with Bebe last night,” Pete with an uncharacteristic smirk. “Pretty sweet. I feel bad for calling her a conformist before, she’s, uh, she’s pretty cool.” _

 

Suddenly Bebe awakens with a jolt, retching, and vomits little bits of Cheesy Poofs all over her drying jacket. Pete jumps. “Uhh, you alright?”

 

“I don’t know, but… I don’t feel so good…” Bebe pukes as Pete holds her hair.

 

_ “I woke up this morning feeling absolutely awful,” Bebe looking baggy-eyed. “Both of my feet hurt, and I hope I can still compete in the challenge.” _

 

Tweek and Towelie tying palm fronds even though the shelter had long since been finished. Tweek turns to Towelie, “I can’t believe we made it through last night.”

 

Towelie rubs his eyes, hungover. “Yeah, we won.”

 

_ “I guess the orange jacket kid saved me last night, but I had a feeling I wasn’t going home. That hundred dollars is mine,” Towelie rolling a king-size joint confidently. _

 

Shot of Kenny tending the fire with a short, long stick, the rest of the tribe out of view.

 

_ “Camp feels fucking weird now,” Kenny cracking his neck. “I’m fucking pissed off that Stan’s out of here, I already feel dumb for helping the towel. Now Wendy’s clit is in a twist.” _

 

Wendy gingerly approaches the fire, uttering her first words at camp since tribal. “Can I talk to you Kenny?”

 

Kenny pauses. “Sure whatever,” he mumbles.

 

“I know this is an individual game and everything and you have to make your own moves--”

 

“Shut up bitch, I didn’t write Stan’s name down last night,” Kenny shuts her down.

 

“Right,” Wendy backpedals, her face reddening. “But I just don’t understand why you couldn’t tell us about the idol, like I would have understood!”

 

“No you fucking wouldn’t,” Kenny fully turns to her, becoming aggressive. “Ever since you came to this tribe it’s been all about you and your alliance and your moves, like who died and made you queen Jesus?”

 

Wendy opens her mouth to start yelling, but stops herself and scurries away. Kenny chuckles.

 

_ “She’s fucking cray,” Kenny unwrapping a Pop-tart. _

 

_ “I need to try to get Kenny back on my side as a number, but as of last night he’s dead to me in this game,” Wendy eyeing Kenny like prey from afar. _

 

**Blue Tribe**

**Day 9**

* * *

The Blue tribe five sit around the fire eating a breakfast of Hamburger Helper.

 

_ “After I got to spend the evening at the Marsh’s house, I was sooo happy,” Craig stretching his quads. _

 

“I’ll go get the tree mail, I guess.” Henrietta pops up.

 

_ “When I walked to our little gay mailbox, I just knew something was up, I felt it in my bones.” Henrietta shivered in the snow. _

 

Henrietta reading the treemail at the fire, “When things combine

A storm’s a brewing

Only one will survive

Eviction is looming.”

 

Cartman all like “oooooooo.”

 

_ Cartman giddy. “I knew that the mail meant that we’re becoming one tribe. Time for the real game to begin. Of course I have this gay little alliance of five, and I know that Keeny would never vote me out, but I’m certainly not going to mention that.” _

 

Shelly ponders, “Eviction? This isn’t Big Brother.” She scowls.

 

“Quiet Shelly,” Cartman snaps at her. “We have to start thinking now. There are five of us and six of them, who can we get to vote with us?”

 

Everyone thinks for a moment. “How about Tweek?” Craig throws out there.

 

“That could work, we just need to get Wendy out of this game as soon as possible. Then we’re golden,” Cartman explaining with authoritah. Shot of the girls nodding.

 

_ “Tweek has a boner for me, I know he’ll flip.” Craig stands in the middle of a field. _

 

_ “I’m just listening to everything they’re saying and being like,” laid over the tribe talking animatedly, then cut to Nichole making a sarcastic face. “Uh-huh. Yeah. You right. Every single word they’re saying is a weapon for me in this game. Stupid crackers. Stupid crackers!” _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 9**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” Aerial shot shows the two tribes convening on top of Phil Collins hill, where Randy stands dramatically in front of eleven narrow posts, arriving from opposite sites. “Blue tribe, get your first look at the new Yellow tribe, Stan voted off at last night’s tribal council.”

 

Shocked reactions from the Blue tribe. Nichole whispers something to Henrietta. Cartman’s all like “Whaaaat?”

 

“You seem surprised, Blue tribe. Shelly, was this not what you were expecting?” Randy asks sympathetically.

 

“My brother is a turd and I’m happy they voted him out,” Shelly replies bluntly.

 

_ “I’m really not that surprised that gay boy is out,” Cartman skipping rocks on the pond. “I guess he just couldn’t cut it out mya.” _

 

Randy puts a hand on a hip. “Well the surprises don’t stop there,” he does a gay eyebrow thing. “Drop your buffs.”

 

The castaways look around excitedly despite the hella transparent treemail. “You are now one tribe!” 

 

The tribes join from their separated mats, reuniting with their old tribemates. “Yeah!” Nichole whoops. Hopeful music swells as Craig tears off his buff, throws it in the dirt and stomps on it.

 

_ “It’s a whole new game now, and I was pumped to see my girls Wendy and Bebe,” laid over a shot of Nichole getting embraced emphatically by Wendy. _

 

_ “I’m shocked Henrietta and her suicidal vagina have survived this far,” over Pete cutting a cigarette with Henrietta. “But I’m glad that somehow more than one goth has made the merge.” _

 

_ “As soon as I saw Keeny, I knew I had one more vote locked down,” laid over Cartman smacking Kenny’s ass. Kenny giggles coquettishly. _

 

_ “Yo there’s mad fucking heads up in here now,” Towelie looking around, annoyed. _

 

“Before we continue celebrating, let’s get down to today’s immunity challenge,” Randy interrupts the mingling children. “And we actually have a special guest helping us with the challenge today…” suddenly a chopper pops out from behind a cloud and approaches the peak of Phil Collins Hill, delivering Mr. Garrison to the castaways. He carried a carton of eggs in one hand and Mr. Hat in the other.

 

“Hello class,” Mr. Garrison greets the kids. Mr. Hat waves. “Hello, towel. Your challenge today is, each of you will be caring for an egg as you balance on one of these posts,” he opens the carton of eggs to reveal that they all have little faces and clothing on them. “If at any point you drop your egg, touch your egg with your hand, or you fall off your post, you lose the challenge. Last boy and girl standing wins individual immunity!”

 

Dramatic shot of an egg shattering on the ground in close-up, then cut to a wide shot of all 11 castaways climbing onto their posts, each placing a cutely-decorated egg upon their head. Randy puts his hands up, “and 3… 2… survivors ready… this challenge is on, hands off your eggs.”

 

Tweek wobbling immediately as the challenge kicks off.. A strong gale of wind picks up Towelie and knocks him onto his tuckus. His blue towel egg rolls off the side of the hill, smashing on a boulder.

 

“Towelie is already out a few seconds into the challenge, wow.” Randy amazed and gay. 

 

Bebe’s tit jiggles slightly in the wind and her stomach gurgles. Wendy next to her, still as a statue with her eyes closed.

 

_ “I could never hurt a fly, so I knew I could stay focused on keeping the egg safe,” Wendy meditating. _

 

Pete continues to smoke his cigarette, his head completely still. Henrietta suddenly throws her arms out beside him, wobbling out of control as the camera shows her thick ass toppling off of the post. Her goth egg with a bleeding egg vagina shattered a red yolk over her hair. “Seriously?”

 

“And Henrietta’s out of this challenge, we are down to nine. And everyone’s looking pretty solid,” shot of Nichole and Shelly struggling to stay still. Cartman mumbling to himself as Craig holds his arms up slightly.

 

Camera shows a shot of the face of Phil Collins Hill as a ‘10 minutes elapsed’ caption pops up.

 

“You guys have been going for ten minutes, and I want to make this challenge a little more interesting,” Mr. Garrison pipes up. “The next 3 of you to step down win a field trip to the planetarium!”

 

“I love the planetarium,” Craig says and immediately jumps off of his post, carefully removing the plain-looking egg from his head.

 

_ “Being so poor, I never really get to leave home, a chance to go see the stars would mean a lot to me,” Kenny wipes a tear from his eye. “We always had to have pop tarts for dinner, there were no trips to the planet-orium for me.” _

 

“I’ll go,” Kenny raises his hand. He steps off, his egg rolling off and splatting in front of Tweek, who flinched at it.

 

Cartman starts babbling uncontrollably as he loses his balance. He pretends to step down as he falls. “It’s okay guys, I wanted to go to the planetarium anyway,” he plays it off. His fat egg does not break on impact, but he steps on it as he walks over to Mr. Garrison.

 

“Okay boys, let’s go to the planetarium!” Mr. Hat says as the boys are picked up by the chopper and fly away.

 

“It’s down to Tweek and Pete for the boy’s immunity.” Randy narrated.

 

_ “Like fuck, jesus. Just focus Tweek, you can do this.” Tweek spazzes out while Phil Collins Hill is in the background. “I can TASTE the immunity.”  _

 

Camera shows some birds flying around so as to indicate passage of time. Bebe placing a hand on her stomach as Nichole finally starts to wobble, her hair falling out of place, “Shoot. This isn’t worth it, fuck my hair,” Nichole steps down, trying to roll her black egg forward so it didn’t break on her hair, but it instead just shatters on her face.

 

_ “I could have stood up there all night, but I don’t want to stick out any more than I already do,” Nichole gesturing at her hair with a stank face. _

 

Tweek glances over at Pete with desperation. “Pssst. Pete. PETE.”

 

Pete opens a single eye, spitting out his cigarette in annoyance. “What?”

 

“I need this one, man,” Tweek chattering his teeth. “Please.”

 

Pete visibly conflicted.

 

_ “I realized, it’s probably not best for me to win this one anyway,” Pete shrugging, a trace of Bebe’s hot pink lip gloss on his neck. _

 

Pete dramatically pretends to fall off. Randy throws his arms up. “And Tweek wins immunity for the boys, after an impressive nineteen minutes!” Tweek smiles with relief as he steps down.

 

_ “It’s really a relief to know I’m not in the hot seat tonight,” Tweek sipping out of a coconut happily. _

 

Randy puts the necklace around Tweek’s neck. “And we are down to three for the girls’ immunity,” he lists their names in a prolonged fashion. “Wendy, Bebe, and Shelly. Wendy has not moved an inch this ENTIRE time.”

 

Shelly sighs through her retainer. “My legs.”

 

_ “I knew there was no way I could stay up there longer than Miss Turdette,” Shelly massaging her aching legs. _

 

Shelly hops onto the ground, her pink-dressed egg splattering on the ground unceremoniously. “And Shelly’s down,” Randy announces, disappointed. “And then there were two, Wendy and Bebe.” Bebe biting her lip. Wendy starting to make a weird sexual face as she remains focused.

 

Multiple shots of the girls grunting and struggling cutting over each other as a ‘Time elapsed - 30 min’ captions pops up on the screen.

 

Randy shakes his head in disbelief. “You two have been at this for thirty minutes.” Nichole cheers and claps from the bench.

 

Bebe’s eyes starting to droop as she clutches her stomach again. “I feel terrible,” she whines. A sudden violent coughing fit turned into loud projectile vomiting, causing Wendy to flinch for just long enough for her little pink egg to tumble right off her head.

 

“And… Bebe wins individual Immunity!” Wendy looks down in shame as Bebe continues vomiting. 

 

Randy cautiously places the necklace around Bebe’s neck, then faces the rest of the tribe. “The rest of you will be seeing me tonight, but not before you head to your new camp, and I’d say it’s probably a good idea to get started on that new shelter, huh?” Wendy groans as Randy throws a map to Pete. “Now get outta here.”

 

**Merged Tribe - Reward Trip**

**Day 9**

* * *

_ “I’m really excited to go to the planetarium.” Craig smiled for the first time. _

 

“So fags, we need to vote Wendy’s bitch ass if she doesn’t win immunity today. She’s standing in our way of getting Xboxs, see?” Cartman explained as they walked into the planetarium.

 

“Fuck yeah,” Kenny agrees with enthusiasm. “Queens get dethroned, and a lightning’ll strike a lone tree on top of a mountain faster than anything.”

 

“Agreed,” Craig keeping his cards close to his chest.

 

“With our three vagina votes we should be all set,” Cartman delineating misogynistically laid over shots of Shelly, Nichole and Henrietta searching for the new camp spot. “But we all know this is truly a gentleman's game, right?” He extends his hands to Craig and Kenny, and they do a gay 3-way handshake thing.

 

_ “Ken, Craig and I could just steamroll this game,” Cartman making violent gesticulations. _

 

The boys all laughing affably as they take their seats in the planetarium next to Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat. The seizure lights of the presentation kill Kenny instantly, and his head explodes all over Craig. “Gross.”

 

**Orange Tribe (Merged Tribe)**

**Day 9**

* * *

_ “Ahhh! We fucking made the merge!” Nichole restyling her hair drastically, it will remain this way for the duration of the competition. _

 

Wendy claps her hands as the seven children plus towel huddle around their barren new camp.

 

“Before we do anything, we should pick a tribe name.” Wendy flashes a smile at the camera as it zooms in on her orange buff around her neck.

 

“We should name it Dank.” Towelie whizzes on the new camp, marking his territory. 

 

“How about Ennui?” Pete flips his hair in an attempt to conform, Henrietta crosses her arms and glares at him.

 

_ “Pete has totally conformed to the game, I don’t know if I can trust him any longer. Out of all the goths to make the merge, I hate that’s it Pete. He makes my pussy hurt.” Henrietta brushes her hair with a pinecone. _

 

“That’s a great name!” Bebe pipes up, being hella obvious that she getting the dickie.

 

Everyone else is like “Sure, whatever.” Pete and Henrietta start working on making a fire, while Wendy, Bebe, and Nichole start working on the shelter.

 

“Hey,” Wendy whispers, as a shot of Tweek and Shelly painting the merged tribe flag making it look all bedazzled in the distance. 

 

“I think that us five should stick together tonight, vote out Eric. He’s a cancer.” Wendy explains as one of the supporting shelter tree branch smacks her in the titty.

 

The goths nod, while Nichole makes a statement, “Fatass was tooting on about how the Blue fi need to stick together, what if we just target someone everyone would be cool with getting rid of? The towel’s days are numbered.” The music plays that ominous cymbal noise as it the camera pans to Towelie making meth in the forest. 

 

“Yes!” Bebe looking much fatter with the immunity necklace around her neck. 

 

_ “I’m not too sure about making a truce,” Wendy being penchant as she sits atop a snowy mountain, “If we have the numbers now, just take the plunge.” _

 

“Well whatever we end up doing,” Wendy looking pissed off. “Pete, do you think you can get Tweek’s vote? I don’t trust him.”

 

Pete pauses pointedly. “Uhh, maybe. I’ll talk to him.”

 

_ “I definitely trust the girls more than that tub of lard,” laid over a shot of Nichole counting votes on her dark fingers with the camp group. “But if he thinks he needs my vote, I might as well use that.”  _

 

The sun rapidly moves through the sky, indicating it is now afternoon. Shot of Cartman, Craig and Kenny returning to camp.

 

“Well the planetarium was fucking sweet, I wish you guys could have gone,” Cartman brags to the girls building the shelter, who look nonplussed. “This is all you guys have built so far? Where the hell am I gonna sleep?”

 

_ “Cartman is just… a menace,” Wendy’s eye popping out in rage. “I don’t feel safe with him at camp.” _

 

Cartman leans in to whisper something in Nichole’s ear, then runs off to join Tweek in making palm fronds.

 

“What was that about??” Wendy paranoid as hell.

 

“Girl I tole you, he thinks the Blues are still together. I have to go and get the plan from him,” Nichole tries to calm Wendy down, but she continues hyperventilating, meanwhile Tweek lights up as Cartman says something to him in the background.

 

_ “So Cartman comes up to me and asks if I want to switch things up,” Tweek yanking at the bottom of his shirt in excitement. “It was just the opportunity I needed to revive my game.” _

 

Cut to Cartman leading Tweek through the woods close to camp to a large boulder, where Craig, Kenny, and Shelly had already shown up. A quiet dripping sound is heard as Henrietta finishes urinating on the other side of the boulder, she and Nichole then join them.

 

“Okay guys,” Cartman leads with his fat hands. “This, right here? One of us is winning that hundred dollars unless someone fucks up.”

 

Tweek rubbing his hands together in delight as Shelly grins toothily, “Sounds like a plan.”

 

_ “Looks like we have all the power,” Shelly ruthlessly chewing a pistacchio. _

 

“We got seven here, so they can only fuck us over if someone pulls out another idol. It’s vital we keep our plan airtight,” Cartman pointing at the members of his new alliance randomly. “We pick off the other four one by one.” Cautionary beats as camera shows Wendy, Bebe and Pete sitting in the shelter, and Towelie wandering around aimlessly nearby.

 

“Sounds dope,” Nichole feigns excitement. “Seven strong!”

 

“Who’s the first to go?” Tweek bouncing with energy.

 

“It’s obvious we gotta cut the head off the snake, gahs, Wendy Testaburger,” Cartman narrowing his eyes as he gestures to Kenny and Tweek. “You guys did a good job slaying the dragon last night, now we take out his pride.”

 

Kenny shrugs in response to the complement. “I’m down.”

 

“I do hate that pretentious conformist bitch,” Henrietta admits.

 

_ Henrietta spitting. “I’ve never felt so commodified in my life. A few days ago these fags were ready to vote me out of the game and now I’ve got little miss sunshine screaming in one ear and Fat Hitler screaming in the other,” she sighs, despondent. “That’s the game, I guess. I still hate it here” _

 

_ “Hell no I’m not voting Wendy out!” Nichole getting loud as she holds some medium-length sticks that she’s gathering. “I’m just gonna let Cartman thinks what he wants to thinks.” _

 

Dramatic music plays as Nichole speedwalks back to the partially-built shelter, where Wendy is trying to massage a woozy Bebe’s back. “Yo, I got something to tell you guys.”

 

The girls walking along the shore of Stark’s Pond. Nichole looks around in all directions real quick, her newly styled braids swishing around, to make sure nobody was in earshot.

 

_ “I’ve chosen my side, the line is drawn in the sand,” Nichole showing off a leg. _

 

“So Cartman just pulled MAD heads out to that big rock and said the vote is you, girl,” Nichole talking fast, pointing at Wendy.

 

“WHAT?” Wendy flares up. “How many people does he have?”

 

Nichole struggling to count. “Uh, he got that big bulldyke bitch, blue hat boy, twitchy, and the goth chick…” audio fades as the girls crowd in closer.

 

_ “It was absolutely worse than I thought,” Wendy with her head in her hands. “I needed to change tracks, and fast. I knew Kenny would jump ship but even without Nichole, Cartman has six votes against me, and that means I’m gonna need every last vote I can get,” cut to Towelie rocking back and forth as he hums to himself. _

 

The realization hits Wendy. “We have to keep the towel tonight. I think he’s the one vote we need to have a chance at the numbers.”

 

“Then what do we do?” Bebe frustrated, her midsection bloating up exponentially.

 

“We have to take our shot out now, it’s the only way,” Wendy clapping her hands together definitively. “Vote Eric.” Nichole touches her shoulder in agreement.

 

_ “It could be a big mama move tonight,” Nichole looking shiesty. _

 

Intensifying music plays as the camera cuts between shots of Nichole pulling Henrietta aside by the well, Bebe laying down in the shelter whispering to Pete, and finally Wendy plopping herself down on a stump beside Towelie.

 

“Hey, Towelie,” she grins. “How’s your day been?” 

 

Towelie instinctively passes his spliff to her, “I don’t think anyone likes me anymore,” he tears up some grass.

 

“That’s not true Towelie, we all care about you,” Wendy takes Towelie’s hand. “In fact, I think you deserve to be here more than some others…” she launches into her guided tour of why Towelie should sheep her ass.

 

_ “I don’t think I can trust that girl,” Towelie looking hella sketched. “I don’t like her eyes.” _

 

Meanwhile, Pete finally manages to pull Tweek aside. “Wendy’s on the warpath, dude,” he attempts a nonchalant tone.

 

“This is our chance to jump ship, the girls are never gonna trust us,” Tweek spazzing.

 

“That may be true, but Bebe’s actually cool, and do you really think we fit in with Middle America either?” cut to Cartman, Kenny and Craig eating rice jovially. “You have to listen to me, Tweek, we can’t jump on a sinking ship.”

 

Shot of Tweek reacting pensively, he looks kinda pissed.

 

_ “If the last few votes have taught me anything, it’s that I should just find a strong group and stick to the plan,” laid over Tweek grabbing his torch, the immunity necklace dominating his gaunt body. “Pete may think this is our best move, but maybe this game is taking us in different directions.” _

 

_ “It’s a war, and only one comes out alive,” Cartman pressing the wrinkles out of his shirt. _

 

_ “If it’s me tonight, they can’t say I went out without a fight,” Wendy stomping her foot with determination. _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 9**

* * *

The orange tribe files into the expanded tribal council area behind Randy’s house, Stan visible on his computer through a window in the background.

 

Randy clasps his hands together proudly. “Congratulations, you all have made it to the next phase of the game, meaning those who get voted out will now compromise the jury who will decide which of the final two castaways will win the game.” Some half hearted clapping among the tribe, Henrietta rolls her eyes.

 

“So Craig,” Randy starts off. “What’s the new camp like?”

 

“When I found out the tribes were merging, I was sooo happy,” Craig emoting. “And I loved going to the planetarium today.”

 

“Towelie, do you feel better or worse on your new tribe?”

 

“Much better, Jeff,” Towelie sounding more sober than usual. “There’s so much less pressure on me at the Ennui camp, I only had to get a  _ little  _ high,” jarring tone as camera cuts to Bebe shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

 

“Bebe, on the other hand-- you look miserable,” Randy taking delight in Bebe’s pain. “And also kinda fat.”

 

“I think I got sick this morning,” Bebe looking shook as hell. “I don’t know what happened, but I love my new tribe…” she suddenly grabs her stomach. “Yeah, they’re great.” 

 

Randy raises his eyebrows incredulously, but drops it. “Tweek, you’re in a tribe of eleven now.”

 

Tweek winces nervously. “Yes, Randy.”

 

“Surely this opens up a huge range of strategic avenues to take. Think you’ve found a good niche?”

 

“I think we’ll see when the vote shakes out,” Tweek gulps, again staring pointedly at Pete. “There’s only so much you can do when you don’t know who you can trust, and who’s out to get you,” camera shows shots of Shelly, Wendy, and Pete as Tweek explains himself.

 

“He brings up a good point, Wendy -- in such a big tribe, that can also mean that many more people against you,” Randy opens the door. Nichole flips her braids and shifts confidently, excited for the outcome.

 

Wendy grins, clearly anticipating the question. “That’s definitely the case for me tonight, Randy. It’s because I’m smart, I’m not afraid to throw my weight around in this game, and to some members of the tribe,” sharp ethnic grunt as camera cuts to Cartman, who is leading his head on a hand douchily, “when a woman does that, it makes her the biggest target.”

 

“That bitch has no idea what she’s talking about,” Cartman scoffed. “She thinks she knows how to play when she let her gay little boyfriend get voted out last night.”

 

“At least I’m not a fucking dictator!” Wendy starting to yell. Tweek jumps. Craig making a ‘rly?’ face.

 

Cartman laughs. “Calm down, slut. You can talk to me when you can hold down a solid--”

 

“AAAAAAH!”

 

All eyes are suddenly on Bebe as she falls off of her stool, a large pool of liquid forming beneath her.

 

“Jesus Christ, is she dead?!?!” Tweek screams from the back row.

 

Nurse Gollum erupts from the Marshes’ shed, checking Bebe’s vitals. “She’s going into labor!”

 

Shocked reactions from the tribe. Nichole’s mouth falls open. Cartman is delighted. Pete covering his face in horror. Wendy jumps to Bebe’s side, where Nurse Gollum repels her away with the dead fetus attached to her head.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Bebe?” Wendy reaching out for her friend desperately. “Who is the father?”

 

Bebe convulsing in in the middle of the yard, gesturing at Pete to come to her side, which was widely misinterpreted by the other castaways. Pete looks like he’s about to vomit. “I didn’t know a baby happened that quickly!”

 

The camera shows Sharon looking on from the house, concerned. “Randy what’s going on out there?!” Stan turns his head for a moment from the window of his bedroom upstairs, then walks away.

 

Nurse Gollum thrusting her hands into Bebe’s gooch. “Push, Bebe!” Bebe shrieks from the pain, biting down on her teeth. “We need a towel!” Nurse Gollum cries.

 

Towelie springs into action. “Always remember to bring a towel!” His theme music plays as he slides in between Bebe’s teeth, allowing the baby to start crowning.

 

“You’re almost there, Bebe! One more big push!” Nurse Gollum encouraged Bebe, the dead fetus jiggling.

 

Bebe’s horrific screams are muffled by Towelie as her vagina explodes, a small piece of cloth with a single hand, an eye and a lima bean-shaped mouth emerging. Nurse Gollum cuts the cord, and promptly peaces out.

 

Towelie hops out of Bebe’s mouth, and sees what has become. “Uh oh…”

 

Cartman starts cackling. “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”

 

Wendy incensed. “Why did you have sex with Towelie?!”

 

Bebe looks up weakly. “I didn’t have a choice, Wendy. He held me down and RAPED me, Wendy.” Towelie, unsure of what to do, attempts to mop up the afterbirth.

 

More shocked reactions among the tribe, Henrietta looking done as fuck and Kenny putting his hand on his forehead.

 

“So in conclusion, Kenny,” Randy continues with the tribal questioning. “What bearing will all of this have on your vote tonight?”

 

Kenny at a loss for words. “You know, Randy, I think this shows that sometimes, you just gotta let ‘em go.”

 

Randy nods approvingly. “I think it’s time to vote. Shelly, you’re up.”

 

Shelly steps up to vote, unphased, and votes [Wendy] “At least you got to see the miracle of childbirth.”

 

Nichole steps cautiously around the birth juices cuz she can’t be fucking up her shoes. She writes down a name while shaking her head incredulously.

 

Craig votes. “Is that a period?”

 

Pete tries to hold a poker face as he walks over to vote, writing [Cartman]  “Sorry, but this is my best move tonight.”

 

Kenny scratching his neck with discomfort as he approaches the voting table. The camera shows his package, droopy with regret.

 

Cartman not even attempting to contain his laughter as he writes [Wendy]. “Best tribal council ever.”

 

Henrietta totters over to vote [Rapist Towel] “This is officially the most disgusting thing I have ever associated myself with.”

 

Towelie crawls over, dense, heavy and bright red with afterbirth, and writes [Wendy]. “You don’t have me fooled, missy.”

 

Tweek looking distraught on his way over to vote, hesitating before writing a name.

 

Wendy mustering up a look of relatable worry as she strides over to vote. “This might have saved me.”

 

Bebe somehow makes it over to the urn, bleeding profusely and carefully holding her abomination spawn.

 

“I’ll go count the votes,” Randy walks away quickly, his face wrinkling from the birth smells. He returns with the urn. “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so.” Camera closes up on Bebe, sitting on the ground leaning against her stool and holding her child to her breast. She does nothing. “Okay. Person voted out will have to leave the tribal council area immediately. I’ll read the votes…” Camera shows dramatic close-ups of Henrietta, Tweek, Cartman and Wendy.

 

“First vote…” [Wendy] Wendy looks up at Randy, squinting.

 

“Second vote…” [Cartman]. Cartman scoffs. “One vote Wendy, one vote Cartman.”

 

“Third vote…” [Rapist Towel]. “Towelie.” Towelie pouts. “One vote each for Wendy, Cartman and Towelie.”

 

“Next vote…” [Wendy] Wendy nods with a wince. “That’s two votes Wendy.”

 

“Fourth vote…” [Cartman] “We’re tied, two votes Wendy, two votes Cartman.” Cartman still unphased.

 

“Next vote…” [Wendy]

 

Randy flips the next vote real fast [Wendy] Wendy’s face starts to crack. “Four votes Wendy, two votes Cartman.”

 

Randy slowly opens the next vote. [T Happy Birthday] He looks at the tribe in confusion. “Who cast this vote?”

 

An awkward silence. Kenny finally raises his hand. “Me.”

 

“Who is this vote for? You have to write a name, Kenny.”

 

Kenny looks at Towelie, then Cartman in shame, “Towelie.”

 

Craig arches a brow. “It’s Towelie’s birthday?”

 

Kenny nods slowly. “I guess I was the only one who knew.”

 

“Anyway, that’s four votes Wendy, two votes Cartman, two votes Towelie,” Randy tries to regain control of the tribal council.

 

“Next vote…” [Towelie] Towelie visibly perturbed. Wendy puts her head down. “That’s three votes Towelie.” 

 

“Next vote…” [Towelie]. “We’re tied. Four votes Wendy, four votes Towelie, one vote left,” the music reaches an intense operatic section as quick-cut shots of Kenny, Bebe, Cartman, Towelie, and finally Wendy looking back up at Randy.

 

“Tenth person voted out of survivor and the first member of the jury…” [Towelie] “That’s five, and tonight that’s enough, bring me your torch.”

 

Wendy pipes back up immediately. “Good riddance, you fucking scum,” she spits at the towel as he forlornly brings his torch over to Randy.

 

“Towelie… the tribe has spoken,” Randy snuffs the torch of a teary-eyed Towelie. “You will join us every tribal council from now on as part of our jury, but for now, it’s time for you to go.”

 

Towelie turns back to the tribe, eyes reddening immediately as he tokes on a fresh joint. “You guys are fucked without a towel out here.” He wanders away.

 

“Well tonight, you may have lost a towel, but you have gained a new one.” the camera shot jumps to Bebe breastfeeding her child. “Things will only get crazier from here, head back to camp.” Randy motioned and the final ten castaways left.

 

_ “I didn’t think that Bebe would have a baby that fast, I really hope I get to see my new baby daughter,” Towelie wipes a tear from his towel face, “I can’t afford to lose another custody battle.” _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR_ **

* * *

_ “That baby is disgusting and is an abomination,” Nichole says overlaid a shot of Wendy taking care of Bebe’s child. _

 

_ Cartman barrels through camp, “WHO THE FUCK VOTED FOR ME?” _

 

_ “Hey Pete, you wanna go to TGI Friday’s?” Kenny propositions. _

 

_ Tweek looking very pensive sitting on top of a boulder, “This is a delicate situation.” _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~the votes~
> 
> Wendy, Bebe, Nichole, Henrietta, Kenny - Towelie
> 
> Cartman, Shelly, Craig, Towelie - Wendy
> 
> Pete, Tweek - Cartman


	10. The Girl With the Big Vagina

Randy polishing his new pistol at Jimbo’s Guns, he points the gun at the camera, “PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR!”

 

Shot of Craig stomping his buff into the dirt. “The game turned on its head when two tribes became one, and after a grueling immunity challenge,” shot of Nichole’s egg shattering on her face, 

 

“it was Tweek and Bebe who ended up without egg on their face. With everyone scrambling for new alliances,” shots of Wendy talking to the goths, Cartman’s boulder alliance, and Towelie glaring at Wendy, “Wendy and Cartman fought to get votes against each other. But in a heart-stopping tribal council,” shot of Bebe’s vagina exploding. “Bebe became a mother, while the father was blindsided,” Shot of Towelie’s torch finally getting snuffed. 

 

“Ten are left, who will be voted out tonight!?” Randy shoots Jimbo in the shoulder and robs him.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 10**

* * *

The tribe walks back in the night vision lens, most of them tossing their torches onto the snowy ground.

 

Cartman barrels into camp, “WHO THE FUCK VOTED FOR ME???”

 

Everyone sheepishly looks around as the camera closes up on Tweek’s uncomfortable face.

 

_ Tweek staring bug-eyed at the night camera. “I have no idea how that happened, but I have to make sure nobody ever finds out how Pete and I voted.” _

 

_ “That vote really surprised me, I definitely thought that I was going home.” Wendy brushed her hair out of her face as a harsh wind blows through.  _

 

“Tweek, we need to grab some water.” Craig monotonously states.

 

_ “I need to solidify my final two with Tweek.” Craig jams his hands into his pockets. _

 

Jump shot to Craig banging Tweek in the woods on some dead ass leaves.

 

_ “Like, man I needed some release, I haven’t had coffee in such a long time,” Tweek sighs and wipes his nose, “Craig’s cummies helped, but it’s just not the same.” _

 

Meanwhile, back at camp, Bebe is holding her baby while the rest of the tribe slightly avoids her.

 

_ “Everyone might judge me for having Towelie’s baby, but I just feel better now that he’s gone,” Bebe looking determined as Dishrag bites her tit. “I’m so glad the plan switched last night when I gave birth, it’s a brand new day for me!” _

 

Wendy returns after making a loud fire.

 

“What’s up? You okay?”

 

_ “Ever since Stan got fucked over, Bebe is my number one ally.” Wendy sits in the snow all methodically.  _

 

“Yeah, I’m just not sure what to do with Dishrag.” Bebe sighs.

 

“Dishrag?” Wendy is befuddled.

 

“That’s her name.” Bebe pats her child rag on the head.

 

_ “Bebe being a free woman and all is cool I guess.” Pete smokes a cigarette, “But her pussy being tainted by the towel kills my boner now.” _

 

Cartman lounges in the shelter forcibly shoving cheesy poofs into his mouth.

 

“Save some for the rest of us, fatty.” Nichole farts in the shelter.

 

“Fuck you!” Cartman muffles out.

 

Rolling over, Shelly screams, “Everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP.” 

 

Camera cuts to Kenny, sitting in the middle of everything silently.

 

_ “I feel hella exposed after tonight,” Kenny looking done as fuck. “Randy blew up my shit man.” _

 

Everyone quiets down and Kenny whisks Pete away.

 

“You wanna go to TGI Friday’s?” Smirking Kenny grabs Pete by the wrist. 

 

_ “I wasn't sure where Kenny was taking me, it sounded conformist.” Pete squats near the TGI Friday’s. _

 

_ “I’m gonna fuck the goth kid.” Kenny ordered a stack of ribs and handed his menu to his waitress. _

 

“Suck this dick,” Kenny commanded. He whips out his throbbing manhood while grabbing Pete by his faggy hair and pushing him downward. Pete was a sub and therefore complied, but Kenny suddenly stopped him just as he was about to accept the package. “But first, let’s roob at each other’s nipples,” Pete smiled at the less educated boy mispronouncing the word rub.

 

_ “I’m not sure what came over me, but sometimes you gotta suck some dick. I think I have a new ally in this game.” Pete smiles with jizz all over his face. _

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 10**

* * *

The sun rises all like “AHH.”

 

Discordant music plays as various members of the tribe are roused by crying noises. Shelly tossing and turning looking pissed. Henrietta sticking cigarettes in her ears. Camera settles on Bebe passed out as fuck with Dishrag having a fit on her bosom.

 

_ “That baby is disgusting and an abomination,” Nichole says overlaid a shot of Wendy bouncing Dishrag. _

 

_ “Bebe’s been really down after she had her daughter, I feel like I’m more of a mother to Dishrag than she is.” Wendy dramatically rolls her eyes. _

 

Shot of Wendy wiping Dishrag’s anus (?). Pete approaches her. “Need some help?”

 

_ “This baby is suffocating me,” Pete smoking dejectedly. “I wish I never stuck it in that conformist slut,” cut to a shot of Bebe picking her nose as Kenny looks hot beside her. _

 

A shot jumps to a smoking circle of Kenny, Tweek, and Henrietta.

 

“I’m hella glad Towelie left all his LOUD here.” Kenny rolled another spliff.

 

“You know what? Nine Eleven WAS an inside job.” Tweek states while Henrietta punches her titty in agreement. 

 

“I think Pete was replaced with a clone, he’s super conformist now, it sucks.” Henrietta laments as she sharts.

_ “I should be able to trust Pete, but he might be my biggest threat in this game,” Henrietta flatly as a sudden cautionary drum beat plays, cutting to a shot of Pete holding Dishrag. “If we can’t get to the bottom of this, it will be my undoing.” _

 

Shelly looks onto the kids fucking around with Dishrag, most likely scarring the towel with their poor parenting skills.

 

_ “I’m just jealous I guess,” Shelly huffs, “You know I could never have that.” She wipes a tear, “My vagina is such a turd. How could there be a God if he gives a twelve year old girl ovarian cancer?” _

 

Shift in music as Nichole and Craig join Shelly in the shelter, Nichole making a sassy gesture. “I’ve had up to HERE with all this towel business.”

 

“Yeah like what even is that?” Craig nodding in agreement still feeling good after diddling.

 

_ “Like Bebe is my gurl and everything but what was she thinking?!?!” Nichole shaking her hands dramatically, then laid over shot of Nichole continuing to bitch to the shelter people, closing up on Shelly’s unemotive face. _

 

Low ominous beats as Cartman stands at a distance from camp, alone.

 

_ “I know how to get the vote off of me,” Cartman rubbing his hands together, ‘I’m gonna steal the towel baby, drown it in Stark’s Pond, this will lead to a search partah where everyone will blame Blackie,” a quick shot of Nichole looking down in the shelter. “And then she’s gone and we move onto another day.” _

 

Eerie music as Bebe chops a coconut, while Dishrag sits in the shelter at a distance.

 

_ “I’m playing this game for two now,” Bebe smiling as she chops coconuts. “I’m learning how to survive as I’m learning how to be a mother. But make no mistake, my one and only alliance is to Dishrag. I love him and he comes before the game.” _

 

Music comes to a halt as Bebe chops another coconut aggressively. “Bebe?” a caption comes up on the screen as Wendy calls her name from afar, quiet from this camera. “Where’s Dishrag?”

 

_ Shot of Bebe looking PRESSED as the music kicks up again. “And then suddenly I couldn’t find him anywhere.” _

 

Cartman running through the woods, covering the baby’s mouth. “It’ll all be over soon.” Shot of the serene facade of Stark’s Pond before Cartman erupts from the woods and launches the baby into it. “They’ll never find it here!”

 

Cut to Bebe looking cracked out, “Dishrag?!?! Where are you?” as Wendy, Pete, Nichole and Henrietta look around aimlessly in the background.

 

_ “Whoever dared to mess with Bebe’s child?” Wendy looking militantly feminist. “I’ll have their head.” _

 

Nichole wrinkles her nose. “What’s that smell?”

 

Cartman pops up from behind a bush, wiping his ass. “What’s all the commotion ladies?”

 

_ “I had to make sure I had an alibi,” laid over a shot of Cartman insincerely helping the search party. _

 

Craig returns to camp after he collects tree mail and yells to his scattered tribemates, “Hey guys, look at all the monop money I have.”

 

“My baby is missing Craig!” Bebe screams hormonally.

 

“But it’s time for the challenge right now,” Craig reads, 

“ From Vegas to Monte Carlo,   
The savvy players know   
That the ones who push their luck   
Win enough to fill a truck.   
Until their luck runs out.   
Come back, luck! they shout.” Craig ponders while Nichole shrugs her shoulders at the white people poetry.

 

“The fuck could that mean?” Shelly asks for everyone.

 

The camera transitions to BIG waves in Stark’s Pond before the children walk to the immunity challenge.

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 10**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” The 10 remaining castaways file in all rich with monopoly money.

 

“It's time for the survivor auction!” Randy said all gay as the castaways take their seats in the little structure thing. “Some items will be revealed, while some will be secret, and you can only bid in increments of $20. Each of you only has $500, so spend wisely - your heart’s desire could be the last item.”

 

The cast is all like ooo, Cartman’s stomach grumbles.

 

“First item up for bid, some McDonna nugs!”

 

_ “I love nugs! UGH!” Nichole orgasms and fans herself with her monop money.  _

 

“Twenty dolla,” Nichole puts a finger up.

 

“Forty,” Cartman interrupts shiestily.

 

“A hunna!” Kenny, smirks and gets a boner at the thought of spending money.

 

Nichole sweating nervously. “Uh… $120.”

 

“Going once, going twice, sold to the lady with the braids,” Randy announces. Nichole does a little dance as she walks over to retrieve her nugs, complete with a pallette of dipping sauces.

 

“Thaaaaank ya Randy,” Nichole says popping a nug in her mouth.

 

_ “I knew I needed them nugs,” Nichole rubbing her stomach with satisfaction. “I really liked the sauces.” _

 

“Okay, next item…” Randy slams a big box on the table. “Will remain hidden.”

 

“A hundred!” Wendy pipes up immediately.

 

_ “Anything that could be an advantage in this game, that’s all I’m focused on,” Wendy gamebotting on a branch. _

 

Tweek glances over at Wendy, narrowing his eyes. “One-forty.”

 

“One-sixty,” Wendy smiles, blinking at Tweek.

 

“One-eighty,” Tweek persists. 

 

Wendy makes a stank face. “Five hundred dollars, Randy,” she concedes and walks up to collect her prize.

 

“Oooh what’s in the box?” Randy gets excited. He reaches in to reveal… a small strip of paper. He hands it to Wendy.

 

“You have just bought the power to send three tribemates to Exile Beach immediately,” Wendy read the note with confusion. “They must dip the fuck out from the auction and therefore cannot bid on any more items,” she looks up in frustration and makes an awkward sound.

 

_ “The absolute LAST thing I needed was to alienate people,” Wendy putting her hands in her head in exasperation. “But luckily, I was saved by what happened next…” _

 

“Send me,” Henrietta tossing her cigarette on the ground petulantly. “I don’t want any of this consumer shit anyway.”

 

Wendy grinned, thrilled to have an out. “Okay so I’ll send the goths and, uh…” she peered at Cartman, then shook her head, looking at the angry girl to his right. “Shelly.” Shelly lowered her eyebrows.

 

_ “Right now the girls could take control of the game, and Shelly could make a powerful ally,” Wendy tying a shoe contemplatively. “I hope the goths can talk some sense into her.” _

 

“Okay, goths and Shelly, please bring me all yo money, and get the fuck out!” Randy commands as Pete looks hesitant to leave the challenge early. Shelly stomps out of the challenge without looking at anyone.

 

_ “I’m excited to go to Exile, my pussy is too crowded at the Orange Tribe camp,” Henrietta taking off her panties. _

 

“Next item is… some double dew and Kentucky Fried Chicken.” Randy reveals the delicious chicken.

 

Before anyone can even react, “Fuck you guys, take all my money Stan’s dad.”

 

“Sold to the fat!” Randy bangs his little hammer, Tweek pointedly winces. 

 

Cartman quickly gobbles up the Colonel’s chicken. “Okay, next up some Tweak’s Bros. coffee.”

 

_ Tweek gasps, “My greatness weakness.” _

 

“Five hundred!!!” Tweek screams. Randy slams the gooch with his mallet and Tweek dashes up to get his fix.

 

_ “I love the Survivor Auction!” Tweek frantically organizing coconuts by size back at camp. _

 

Randy brings up another secretive black box, “This is the last item of the auction.” Kenny, Craig, Bebe and Nichole all get wide-eyed in shock as they all grasp their little purses with monop money.

 

_ “What if Dishrag is in there?” Bebe wiping sweat off of her swollen tit. “I had to get that box.” _

 

“Sixty,” Nichole called out reluctantly.

 

Kenny shook his head at the colored girl, knowing she had wasted some of her money on nugs. “Three - hunna, Randy.”

 

“Four hundred,” Bebe comes in hot rubbing her nip in desperation.

 

“Five… hundred… dollars,” Craig drags out in a monotone.

 

“I’m in on this Randy,” Kenny slams his wad of bills down on the table as well as his dick. Bebe also raises her hand, her other hand digging for her money in her cleavage.

 

“Okay, since all three of you have $500, we will draw rocks to determine who gets the box,” Randy pulls out a little bag and hands out a rock to each of the three. “The two black rocks get nothing, the white rock gets the box,” Nichole shaking her head at the racism in the background.

 

Bebe peers at Craig and Kenny nervously as Randy counts down. “Three, two, one… reveal.” Bebe accidentally drops her rock as she instinctually reaches to expose her genitals, the camera closes up on the ground to reveal it is BLACK.

 

Meanwhile Craig and Kenny stare at each other indifferently, then turn over their palms.

 

“Congratulations KENNY, you win the box which contains…” Randy opens the box and makes a Let’s Make a Deal lady gesture at its contents. “Individual immunity!”

 

Starving, Kenny takes a huge decadent bite out of the immunity necklace, rupturing his esophagus and killing him.

 

**Exile Beach**

**Day 10**

* * *

_ “Exile Beach was desolate as fuck, I thought it was really cool and hardcore. I’m glad that Henrietta and I are here together.”  Pete smokes a doobie. _

 

_ Henrietta angrily reading a line fed to her. “Exile Beach was crazy because we had no idea how everyone else was gonna vote! I’m sure Wendy and Cartman have made up already.” _

 

Shelly angrily throws rocks into the opposite side of Stark’s Pond. “Fuck Wendy, she’s an ugly lipstick lesbian, AHH.”

 

Henrietta exhales deeply. “She’s all for vagina power and everything. She was telling me and Nichole yesterday that the five girls could just team up and take control.” Camera shows Pete keeping a poker face as he aggressively drags at his cigarette.

 

Shelly drops her rock. “Interesting.”

 

_ “I hate all the female turds on this tribe but I think I could tear their pussies apart in the end,” Shelly watching the clouds from atop a hill near Exile Beach. “I could go either way.” _

 

_ “Of course that vapid bitch is trying to get all the girls together,” Pete rolling his eyes gayly. “This has to end.” _

 

Shelly looking conflicted sitting on the beach. “I hate this game, I don’t even care anymore.” Henrietta extends a cigarette to her.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 10**

* * *

_ “So after my delicious snack, I realized I had no one to deposit my cum into,” Kenny explains in a maudlin fashion, “I guess I could fuck Craig? I don’t know, I’m just wasting my time.” _

 

Shot of Wendy corralling Bebe, Nichole, and Tweek as Cartman did the same with Kenny and Craig near Stark’s Pond. 

 

“So we’re all good to vote Cartman tonight, right?” Wendy dictates.

 

“Hell yeah, Henrietta will vote that way too, she fucking hates Cartman.” Nichole adds to their numbers.

 

“But what about my baby!?” Bebe cries.

 

_ “No one even cares that my newborn towel is MISSING. Like what the fuck? I don’t care about the hundred dollars, this game isn’t fun anymore.” Bebe kicks some snow. _

 

A loud groan overlays while Cartman blabs to Kenny who is fondling Craig.

 

“That bitch Wendy has to GO!” Cartman spitting little crumbs of Cheesey Poof everywhere.

 

_ “I’m still pissed off about the last vote,” Cartman knitting his fingers together, “and I will get my revenge, but the girl with the big vagina is still the first to go,” booming drum beat over a shot of Wendy talking amicably with Nichole. _

 

“Craig you can get Tweek to vote our way, right?” Cartman ignores Kenny sexually molesting Craig.

 

“Sure.” Craig nasally pops a boner.

 

_ “Tweek’s his own person, I mean I want to take him to the end.” overlaid shot of Tweek spazzing out near some sticks, “I just can’t control his vote.” Craig lounges sexily as he gives this confessional. _

 

_ Inquisitive groan plays as the camera shows Wendy pacing around camp contemplatively. “At this point, I trust my alliance, and that’s all I can do in this game. We’re about to go to tribal and I figure I’d look around for Dishrag once again, to set her mind at ease,” Wendy giving an oh-so-good-samaritan's smile. _

 

“Dishrag, where are you?” Wendy crouching on the ground, poking around Bebe’s bag. Captions show her gasping, “oh, what’s that?”

 

_ “And there it was,” Wendy looking deadass into the camera. “The idol was in her bag.” _

 

Rhythmic grunting as a shot shows Wendy and Bebe walking away from camp swiftly. Wendy gives her friend a big sad look. “This could be my last stand, Bebe,” she reaches.

 

“I think we have the numbers,” Bebe apathetically, still worried about her baby.

 

Wendy getting impatient at Bebe’s failure to bite. “I might just need a second chance in this game. I need that more than anything, and that fatass that took your baby has to go.”

 

_ “So I totally trust that we have the numbers,” Wendy explaining diplomatically, “but it’s nice to have some extra assurance.” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 10**

* * *

The soundtrack picks up into a fast tempo as the seven from Ennui reconnect with the three exile biddies.

 

“Let's bring the members of our jury...Towelie voted out at the last tribal council.” Randy states at Towelie stumbles in somehow looking worse than he did while in the game. 

 

Randy immediately begins “So Bebe, after birthing how has camp life been?” 

 

“Someone STOLE my baby, Randy, and they're sitting here tonight.” Bebe shadily looks around while Towelie gasps from the peanut gallery. 

 

“Who do you think stole it?” Randy asks. 

 

“I bet it was the black girl,” Cartman interjects.

 

“What the fuck? Why would I steal an ugly monster from Bebe’s vagina?” Nichole scowls, as Bebe frowns.

 

Kenny smiles looking hella blazed. 

 

“Whoa, that's some harsh words for a young mother.” Randy condescends to Nichole because he's racist. 

 

“Dad, these turds are WILD, there's no use in trying to change them.” Shelly interrupts as Pete nods in agreement. 

 

“So Wendy,” Wendy’s face jerks into a smile as she anticipates Randy’s question. “How do you feel about the vote tonight?”

 

Wendy leans forward a little, her eyes buggin out. “There is obviously one person to blame for everything here, HE’s calling the shots. I don’t need to name names,” she flips her hair feigning confidence.

 

“You say HE,” Randy gets all excited as he follows up, “Henrietta,” Wendy looking unsettled as the focus is shifted from her. “There are only ten of you left, and five of the six women who came out here still remain. That’s half of you!”

 

“Yes, Randy,” Henrietta sighs. Nichole does a little dance celebrating the ladies in her stool.

 

“Think that might factor into the vote?”

 

Henrietta takes a drag as Wendy stares her down. “I think I’m gonna have to decide how non-conformist vagina power is.”

 

“Well, look at that it’s time to vote, Shelly you're up first.”

 

Shelly walks up to vote, [Wendy] “Knowledge is power.”

 

Nichole votes and shakes her head. 

 

A nice shot of Craig’s ass is shown.

 

Cartman writes in all caps, [WENDY] “I've wanted to do this since the very first fucking day. See you later bitch.”

 

Pete flips his hair as he writes down a name.

 

“I'm pretty sure you stole my kid, I can never forgive you.” Bebe holds up, [Eric]

 

Kenny votes sexily licking his lips.

 

In a crazed fashion Tweek writes, [Cartman] “Man, I think I hate you, even though hate’s a strong word, yeah.”

 

Henrietta sighs and votes.

 

Wendy gives a shit eating grin. “This is my house, my town, my island.”

 

Wendy walks back, Randy narrates, “I'll go tally the votes.” 

 

The camera pans over Henrietta’s poop face. 

 

“If anyone has an idol and would like to play it, now would be the time to do so.” 

 

Wendy looks over to Bebe, she don't move.

 

Randy nods, “I'll read the votes.”

 

“First vote,”

 

[Wendy]

 

“Second vote,” 

 

[Wendy]

 

Wendy's gooch clenches. 

 

[Eric]

 

Randy faggotly opens the next vote, 

 

[Cartman]

 

“We’re tied, two to two, next vote.”

 

[Wendy]

 

She huffs,

 

[Cartman]

 

Cartman clenches his fists. 

 

[WENDY]

 

Randy pauses,

 

[Cartman]

“We are tied again! Four votes Wendy, four votes for Cartman, two votes left.”

 

A close up of Cartman rubbing his chin and glaring down at Tweek and the goths. 

 

[Wendy]

 

“And the eleventh person voted out and second member of our jury is…”

 

[Wendy]

 

She gasps, “Well before I go, Bebe I hope your IDOL saves you next time.”

 

The camera wildly shows Tweek and Nichole gaping as Wendy grabs her torch.

 

Cartman applauds as Wendy’s torch is snuffed, “Wendy, the tribe has spoken, it’s time for you to go.” 

 

She spins around spitting out, “At least I’ll get to watch from the cheap seats, peace.” 

 

Randy concludes, “Well that surely was a shocking a tribal council and there is still more to come, head back to camp.” 

 

_ “Just like that, I’m out of the game, I’m not too sure what some people are doing clinging to Cartman in that fashion,” Wendy crosses her legs on the elimination recliner, “I’m not too sure if it’s going to continue to benefit them, Cartman will always find another scapegoat to target. Good fucking luck to them.” _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR…_ **

* * *

_ “Guys, we’re out of food…” Bebe begins to sob. _

 

_ Tweek being spun out, “I am deathly afraid that I’m gonna get kicked off at any minute! THEY ARE ALL AGAINST ME!” He screams. _

 

_ “I’m sick of all the white people, hashtag kill all white people.” Nichole writes in the snow angering the rednecks. _

 

_ A rustling in the bushes, “Who could that be? I’m not expecting anyone.” Bebe says. _

  
  
  



	11. Knowledge Is Power

Randy masturbating to an Asian woman getting farted on, he ejaculates EVERYWHERE. “Previously on...Survivor!”

 

“The castaways went on a towel hunt,” shot of Wendy and Nichole searching some bushes. “It was interrupted by the auction immunity challenge,” shot of Craig shooting up the chance that Dishrag will die in the wilderness by handing out the monop money. 

 

“During the challenge, Kenny ate immunity, and Wendy made a big miss steak.” Shot of the goths and Shelly being told to get the fuck out of the auction. “At Exile Beach, Pete planted the seed that Wendy was not to be trusted.”

 

“This lead to a messy tribal council with Wendy being voted out six to fo.” Shot of Wendy getting her torch snuffed. “Nine are left, who will be voted out tonight?” Randy hurriedly wipes jizz off of himself as Sharon barges in.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 10**

* * *

Night vision cam shows the tribe filing back into camp, mostly in good spirits as Cartman flashes a grin to the camera and Kenny’s erection stands out proudly. Bebe bringing up the rear with glowing tears streaming down her face.

 

_ “I’ve hit rock bottom,” Bebe looking defeated hugging her knees. “My baby is gone, my best friend got voted out, and now everyone knows I have the idol. I’m ready to leave this game.” _

 

Camera shows Nichole and Henrietta standing a few feet away from the shelter as the rest of the tribe, sans Bebe who was crying in the bushes, winded down.

 

Nichole’s skin is a weird color in the night camera. “What the hell do we do now?” 

 

“The same thing we were doing before,” Henrietta blinks, smoke rising over her face as she peers over at Bebe. “Is Barbie gonna kill herself?”

 

“I’ll go talk to her,” Nichole leaves Henrietta, who rolls her eyes.

 

_ “Funny that nobody even seems to suspect I voted against the glitter squad,” Henrietta kicking a rock with boredom. _

 

_ “I feel sorry for Mama B but she’s gotta get her head back in this game before it becomes WHITES ONLY,” laid over Nichole strutting over to Bebe, her unbridled titlets flapping a bit. _

 

A rustling in the bushes. “Who could that be? I’m not expecting anyone,” Bebe says. Suddenly, an echoing thump as Nichole drops to the dirt.

 

“RAT!” Nichole screeches as she hits the flo.

 

Bebe gasps with delight. “Dishrag?!?!” Her baby, who Bebe’s black tribemate had tripped over, ran over to its mother as swelling emotional music plays.

 

_ “And then I found my baby!” Bebe looking YEARS younger as she holds Dishrag to her nip. “I thought I was never gonna see my little rape baby again.” _

 

“Ay,” Cartman barking over from the shelter. “The black chick had the retarded towel baby the whole time? Oooooh.”

 

“What?!?!” Nichole flaring up as she brushes the dirt off of herself.

 

“Nichole, you had my baby this whole time?” Bebe shooting Nichole a glance. Shot of Craig frowning at Nichole from the shelter.

 

“You really think I would kidnap that demon spawn?” Nichole fires back.

 

“You’ve been judgmental of Dishrag his entire life, you probably left him for dead!” Bebe starting to raise her voice, getting up in Nichole’s face.

 

“Yeah that’s fucking evil, hoodlum!” Cartman adding fuel to the fire. “How dare you!”

 

Nichole looking like she’s about to yank on Bebe’s hair, then an ethnic shout is heard as Pete suddenly gets between them. “Get the fuck away from her,” he shoves Nichole aggressively.

 

“I didn’t fucking  _ do _ nothing, shit!” Nichole storms away from camp, her steps punctuated by tribal grunts as the music intensifies.

 

_ “Everything is going perfectly,” laid over Cartman watching the scene with gusto. “I knew Wendy’s gay hippie liberalism was the only thing keeping harmony between the races.” _

 

_ “I had to come in hot on Nichole so nobody would think I was gay,” laid over shot of Pete holding Bebe defensively. “That’s just another layer of the game.” _

 

_ “I’m sick of all the white people, hashtag kill all white people.” Nichole writes in the snow angering the rednecks. _

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 11**

* * *

All of the grunting evens out to a low moan as the camera shows Shelly standing on the shore of Stark’s Pond at dawn, her eyes closed.

 

_ Shelly sitting up straight, pounding dirt out of her shoes. “We finally got Testyturds out, and the girl alliance is dead. Maybe the girls woulda been easier to beat in the end, but I think I made the right move last night.” _

 

Camera shows various tribemates starting to wake up in the shelter; Tweek’s hands shaking as he tends to the fire.

 

_ Tweek shifting uncomfortably on a stump. “I never got to talk to Pete because of stupid Exile Beach, and then I got left out of the plan. I can see the writing on the wall. I know I’m next.” _

 

Arrhythmic beats play as the camera shows Pete and Tweek walking into the woods.

 

“What the hell is going on man, I know my name’s going around,” Tweek’s speech speeding up from anxiety.

 

“Relax, it just had to be Wendy last night. Everything is fine, man,” Pete played it cool.

 

Echoing grunt as Tweek glares at Pete uneasily.

 

_ Tweek being spun out, “I am deathly afraid that I’m gonna get kicked off at any minute! THEY ARE ALL AGAINST ME!” He screams. _

 

Meanwhile, Kenny is about to place a hand on Craig’s fine ass as they lay next to each other in the shelter when Bebe pipes up. “Guys, we’re out of food…” Bebe begins to sob.

 

A shimmering cymbal sound effect plays as the camera shows Cartman’s shocked reaction.

 

_ “We forgot to ration our Cheesy poofs,” Craig looking at the ground sheepishly. “I’m hungry.” _

 

Tweek and Henrietta return from the well with water as the tribe’s attention is drawn to Cartman’s blubbering.

 

“Gahs, hey-Keeny, we’re out of food!” Cartman shakes Kenny’s shoulders violently. “Tweek!” the little blonde boy screams, caught off guard. “I swear to Christ you’re here to tell me there are more Cheesey Poofs.”

 

Tweek sweating. “Uhh, I don’t know-”

 

“Maybe your fat ass is just gonna have to hunt for some food,” Nichole pipes up for the first time after being racially outcasted the entire morning.

 

“How about you sit your ass in the fire so I can make some negress pot pie!” Cartman barked at her.

 

“Everyone calm down,” Bebe stands up, motioning to her deformed offspring who was wailing demonically because of the fuss. “You’re upsetting Dishrag. Besides, I’m lactating, you can all just take turns sipping from my boobie,” she slips her tender breast out of her parka. 

 

Kenny screams, “MILK!” And quickly suckles on her nips. 

 

_ “Watching Kenny get up all on that titty, ugh really made my loins hurt.” Pete dramatically blows smoke into the camera.  _

 

“I need meat to survive! Bebe’s boob milk isn't enough.” Cartman complains, as Shelly glares at everyone from the shelter. 

 

“Maybe, you shouldn’t have eaten fucking everything, I’m fat too, but you don’t see my gobbling food into my craw everytime I see it.” Henrietta dramatically throws some twigs into the fire and peaces out to smoke.

 

_ “I’m so sick of this, I swear to God, I better get to make an appearance on Family Feud out of this.” Henrietta angrily crushes some rocks with her thighs. _

 

“What’s up her vagina?” Craig asks earning not much of a reaction from anyone.

 

“Whatever, screw you guys, I’m gonna take a dump.” Cartman left to poop.

 

Everyone dipping allows Pete to take Bebe away from camp.

 

_ Pete holding Dishrag, “I really needed to tell Bebe something, all those conformist cunts were cock blocking me.”  _

 

“Hey, I just want to let you know that even though Dishrag isn’t mine, I still want to be his father.” Pete told Bebe while looking at the ground.

 

_ “I didn’t mean it, I just want to secure the vote with Bebe, I know it’s fucked up, but we ain’t married.” Pete dramatically lit a cigarette, “Once this game is over, our relationship is over.” _

 

Bebe’s eyes and tits glow, “Wow, thank you Pete, as a young mother I need all the help that I can get!”

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 11**

* * *

 

“Come on in guys!” Randy yells as the starving children waddle into the challenge arena.

 

“Kenny, I’m gonna have to take the immunity back,” Randy states.

 

“The poor always get what they earn ripped away from them,” He throws the poorly constructed jewlery back at Randy.

 

“Immunity back up for grabs,” Randy cheesily smiles like a pedophile. “Wanna know what your challenge is today?”

 

Shot of the castaways looking weak from malnutrition, Bebe falls over.

 

“Well we have a special guest here today to give you guys the challenge…” Randy’s voice was drowned out as the sounds of the chopper approached.

 

“HELLO THERE CHILDREN,” Chef steps out of the helicopter holding a large platter.

 

“Hey Chef!” The kids answered in unison. 

 

“Today you are gonna have ten minutes to eat as many of my chocolate salty balls as possible!” Chef dramatically brandished the cover of the platter. “We weighed you children before this challenge and whoever gains the most weight wins the Immunity necklace!”

 

_ “I could eat Chef’s black ass if I had to,” Cartman looking ravenous. _

 

_ “I’m lactose intolerant, I am at a severe disadvantage,” Pete smoked a poorly rolled cigarette. _

 

“And the two of you who gain the least will be sent to Exile Beach,” Chef made a spooky hands motion.

 

“I’m so fucking ready,” Bebe puts Dishrag down on the ground so xe can’t munch on her tit.

 

“Survivors, ready?” Randy pulls a gun out and shoots Chef, “GO!”

 

Randy pulled a large sheet off of a table that was there the whole time, that was covered in chocolate salty balls. Cartman was the first to make it there, shoveling them into his mouth as Kenny dropped to the flo and picked at the ones Chef had dropped when shot.

 

A ‘4 minutes elapsed’ caption hovered over the bottom of the screen. “You’ve been eating for 4 minutes,” Randy narrated superfluously as Nichole made guttural eating sounds. The camera showed Shelly wincing as she picks chocolate out of her teeth as Pete noncommittally nibbles on a ball.

 

Tweek begins yelling like “AHHHH,” with chocolate covering his face giving the appearance of doo-doo.

 

_ “Now that I’m not eating for two anymore, I think I should try to take some of these with me,” laid over a shot of Bebe shoving chocolate salty balls in her cleavage. “I don’t think I need the necklace today.” _

 

Randy claps, “Times up! Let’s see what you have.” 

 

The castaways lined up next to a large Biggest Loser-sized scale that had arrived there at some point. Henrietta was the first to step on, donning a grey sports bra that had never been seen on-screen.

 

_ “At first I thought for sure Henrietta had us beat in this challenge, then I just remembered she’s just fat,” Craig wiping his mouth. _

 

Henrietta plopped onto the scale and a loud beep was heard as a +3 showed up on the display screen. “You gained not one, not two, but three pounds Henrietta, good job,” Randy congratulated her as she stepped off.

 

“Craig, you’re next.” Craig walks onto the scale in a TIGHT ass tank top. A few beeps play and +1.4 popped up.

 

“Haha, you SUCK, Henrietta is still in the lead with three pounds.” Randy mocked, “Kenny you’re next.”

 

Kenny steps onto the scale only for a large parasitic worm to erupt from his midsection, as his corpse fell to the ground as a -30 appeared on the screen.

 

“Rest in peace Kenny,” Randy frowned at the dead child.

 

Montage of Shelly stepping up to reveal a respectable +6, which Randy nods approvingly at, and Tweek and Nichole both still being skinny as fuck with their shitty +0.4.

 

Pete gingerly steps onto the scale, a dismal -0.2 pops up on the screen.

 

“Are you trying to win?” Randy asked him judgmentally.

 

_ “I just had a baby, I should be a shoe in! I have had like zero time to lose any baby weight.” Bebe smugly smirks at the cameraman, the one who wants to rape Bebe. _

 

Bebe stands on the scale confidently as it beeps, a +10 pops up leading Bebe to be all like “yeah!” and jump up and down, causing some of the chocolate salty balls to topple out of her tits. The screen changes to a +5.

 

“So Cartman is last up, right now Shelly is in the lead with a 6 pound gain,” shot of Shelly flexing a muscle as Cartman steps onto the scale with an uncertain expression.

 

The scale beeps dramatically in and out of a commercial break, to finally reveal a +8. “Wha-wh-whaaat?” Cartman feigns shock at the results.

 

“Congratulations Eric, you win individual immunity you fucking fatass!” The rest of the tribe stands up and claps as Randy struggles to fit the necklace on his fat neck. “Alright, so Pete and dead Kenny, get the fudge out,” he dictated as they picked their shit up and walked off.

 

_ “It’s really burning my tits that I have been to exile not once, but twice.” Pete rolls his eyes, “I can’t afford to be all isolationist and gay.”  _

 

_ “Nobody noticed me water-loading with Bebe’s titty juice after the first weigh-in,” Cartman taking a watery shit with a stone-cold expression. “I knew this necklace was mahn.” _

 

**Exile Beach**

**Day 11**

* * *

The only shots the editors could use was the first shot of Kenny and Pete walking in, the rest were of Kenny raping Pete until tribal council.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 11**

* * *

 

_ “So we go back to camp and surprise, mother fucking surprise, Cartman had rounded big dyke and stank fag up to go talk about voting out the minorities.” Nichole squatted on a rock. _

 

Cartman jaunted away from camp, caressing the necklace, “Try voting for me now!”

 

Tweek looked awkwardly between Bebe and Nichole, “What do we do?”

 

Bebe pouted her lips, staring at the ground. “I’m inclined to vote for the person who stole my baby.”

 

“I didn’t do it,” Nichole immediately breaking down.

 

_ “Man, this is some bad fucking juju right here,” Tweek looking hella spun, “I know for a fact that Bebe has an idol, she’s gonna play it. I can feel it in my bones.” _

 

_ “I guess when you take a dump everyone ignores you,” Henrietta wiping her butt, “I have no idea which conformist I’m voting for tonight. I’ll probably ruminate over it while Mr. Marsh is yelling at us.” _

 

“The black chick tonight?” Craig asks nasally to the intimate huddle of Cartman and Shelly in the woods, ominous drum beat and cut to Nichole sitting on a stump alone.

 

“No, see, that’s far too easy,” Cartman devious. “Now Nichole has to come back to us, so we can pick off the others,” tribal moan as the camera shows Bebe and Tweek by the fire. “The only problem is, Bebe Stevens has the idol.”

 

“Knowledge is power,” Shelly nods in agreement.

 

_ “After Craig talked with Cartman and the tall fat girl, I knew I needed to get into his ear and on his dickie.” Tweek brushes some of his wild ass hair back. _

 

As the sun began to set like OOOOOOOOOH, Nichole and Shelly tended the meager fire in the middle of camp.

 

“Let me in on the vote, could you puh lease?” Nichole pouted as she threw some twigs into the fire.

 

“Uh, sure.” Shelly answers in a hushed tone.

 

_ “This game is really falling into place for me.” Shelly puffs out her chest. _

 

Meanwhile Tweek sighing as Craig manhandles him in the woods. His eyes bug out a little “Craig, we have to talk about something important.”

 

“More important than this dick?” Craig whips out his throbbing length. “What are you pregnant too?” 

 

Tweek looked Craig deadass in the eye, subverting their sexual dynamic a bit. “We need to throw our votes, see?.” As he showcases his butthole.

 

_ “I don’t think they need my vote tonight,” Craig blinking. _

 

Intense bell sound effects play as the camera shows Cartman walking through the woods with Shelly and Craig again.

 

_ “Of course I know everything can change on a dime,” Cartman fixing the part in his hair. “But at least I have the necklace tonight.” _

 

Henrietta decided to lick her own cunt for sustenance in light of the food shortage while Cartman charged at her.

 

“Listen Bitch, You gotta vote Pete.” Cartman dictated in a very messy fashion.

 

And she is all like, “I guess.”

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 11**

* * *

The final nine castaways file into the backyard of the Marsh house.

 

Randy looks like he’s gotta pee. “Please welcome the first two members of the jury, Towelie and Wendy, voted out at the last tribal council,” Wendy appears with a dramatically short haircut that she got at Ponderosa for some reason, she looks pissed.

 

Before Randy can begin, Bebe is already leaning over into Pete’s ear and whispering.

 

“Why you whispering?” Shelly shoots daggers at Bebe.

 

Taking his chance, “Yes, Bebe why are you whispering to Pete?” Randy puts a hand on his chin. 

 

“Uhhh, mind ya business.” Bebe decides to say.

 

A quick shot to Craig and Kenny looking hella suspicious.

 

“So Cartman, you are normally a target at tribal, how good does that necklace feel tonight?” 

 

“Stan’s Dad, it feels fucking amazing. It’s good to put the minorities in their place.” Cartman sneers while Nichole and Henrietta are shown looking mildly uncomfortable.

 

“Now who here feels like they could be in trouble tonight?” Randy peers at the remaining castaways.

 

Bebe, Pete, Tweek, and Nichole all raise their hands.

 

Wendy mouths a ‘wow’. 

 

“That’s half of the tribe, Tweek why do you feel this way?”

 

“Man! I don’t know the game can change at any minute, I’m scared.” Tweek slouches in his chair.

 

“It’s time to fucking vote,” Randy announces, “Shelly, sweetie, you’re up first.”

 

Shelly stomps the runway and votes in a blase manner.

 

Craig votes and he wipes his nose, “Dude, stop molesting me.”

 

Defiantly writing in capital letter, [NICHOLE], “You stole my baby, fuck you.” Bebe folded ha paper.

 

Pete takes a long time before writing down a name. 

 

Cartman lets the immunity necklace jangle on his breasts, “Checkmate.”

 

“You crossed me before, payback’s a BITCH!” Tweek shakes with [Kenny] in his hands.

 

Sighing, “You’re still the most conformist cunt out here, bye.” Henrietta scrawled in cursive because she’s gay. 

 

Kenny has his hood pulled up since it started snowing heavily during the tribal council. His words are muffled as he holds up his vote.

 

Nichole wipes some tears from her eyes, “This game is hard, I need to win though.” She votes.

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy gaily dips to collect the voting urn.

 

“If anyone has an idol and would like to play it, now would be the time to do so,” Randy stands all gay.

 

Bebe digs in her cleavage “Pete, I think you might need this, take this accursed thing away from me!”

 

Pete readily takes the idol that is covered in Bebe’s boob juice, he hands it over to Randy.

 

Randy wipes it off, “This IS a hidden immunity idol, any votes cast against Pete will not count, I’ll read the votes.”

 

The camera quickly jumps to Cartman’s red face. 

 

“Once the votes are read, the person with the most votes needs to get the fudge out.”

 

“First vote,” Randy reads dramatically

 

[Pete]

 

Pete scowls and rolls his eyes.

 

“Does not count. Second vote,”

 

[Pete]

 

“Does not count. Third vote,”

 

[Pete]

 

“Three votes for Pete all don’t count. Next vote.”

 

[Bebe]

 

She laughs.

 

[Bebe]

 

“Two votes for Bebe.”

 

[NICHOLE]

 

Nichole shakes her head, “This is racism.”

 

“Next vote,”

 

[Kenny]

 

“Two votes for Bebe, one vote for Kenny, and one vote for Nichole. We have two votes left.”

 

The camera pans over Henrietta’s and Craig’s bored faces.

 

[Kenny]

 

Randy pulls out the final vote and quickly reveals.

 

[Nichole]

 

Wendy gasps from the jury. 

 

“We have a tie . Two votes Bebe, two votes Nichole, and two votes for Kenny. This means we’ll be going to a revote, in which Bebe, Nichole, and Kenny cannot vote.”

 

“Shelly please take the voting box back.”

 

Shelly returns looking slightly spooked, she quickly writes down a different name. 

 

Pete rubs his temple, his gooch is sweaty. “Thanks Bebe, I can't believe it.” [Nichole]

 

Tweek, still shaking, he votes in a nonchalant way. 

 

“Haha, that's what you get you stupid cunt,  checkmate!” Cartman smugly holds up, [Bebe & her boobs]

 

Henrietta sighs and writes down a name.

 

Craig’s vote is obscured, however his sexy face is not. 

 

After everyone has voted Randy dips again while the music intensifies like fuck. 

 

“Blah, blah, once I read the votes, I got shit to do.” Randy quickly pulls out the first vote. 

 

[Bebe]

 

She just shrugs and is all like, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming!”

 

“Next vote,”

 

[Nichole]

 

She looks on somberly.

 

[Nichole]

 

Randy reaches his hand in the box to retrieve another paper. 

 

[Bebe]

 

The music begins to play ambient drums as flashes of Bebe and Nichole’s face are shown, they both look pensive and constipated.

 

“Two votes Bebe, Two votes Nichole. Two votes left.” Randy sternly pulls out another vote.

 

[Bebe] 

 

“And the twelfth person voted out and third member of our jury…” [Bebe]

 

She nods her head and she dips her titties into Pete’s face as she embraces him.

 

Grabbing her torch, Bebe has a bit of a nip slip.

 

“Bebe, it’s time for you to go.” Randy snuffs ha torch.

 

She waves, “Pete please take care of Dishrag!”

 

Pete smirks as Bebe walks off into the Marsh’s house.

 

“Well that really shook up the game, good night castaways, you are gonna need that rest.” Randy peaced into his house and the eight children collected their shit and left.

 

_ “I’m glad I saved Pete, I really am happy that I found a love connection on the island. This has been a whirlwind of an adventure.” Bebe pauses. “I’m a mother now, wow. This really changed everything.”  _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON… SURVIVOR!_ **

* * *

_ “We have to eat it,” Cartman dictates while everyone looks starved and depressed in the shelter. _

 

_ “I want my revenge,” Pete flips his hair. _

 

_ Kenny smoking a leftover spliff, “Well, I guess people still hate the poor.” _

 

_ Shelly’s mustache is very noticeable in this confessional, “It’s down to the wire, we need to flush out the turds.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The vote was a bit confusing this episode, here’s who voted for who!
> 
>  
> 
> Bebe, Pete - Nichole
> 
> Henrietta, Kenny - Bebe
> 
> Tweek, Craig - Kenny
> 
> Shelly, Cartman, Nichole - Pete *idol*
> 
>  
> 
> The revote
> 
> Pete, Tweek - Nichole
> 
> Craig, Shelly, Cartman, Nichole - Bebe


	12. Even It Out

Randy smoking a hard ass blunt with Towelie at Ponderosa, “Previously on Survivor!”

 

“The cast is retarded and ate all the food,” Quick shots of Kenny clamping onto Bebe’s succulent titty. “This lead to production staging an impromptu eating challenge.” Chef jumps out of the helicopter being all like “Hello children!” 

 

“Cartman stereotypically won because he’s so fat, why are you so fat, you’re such a fat cat, Cartman.” Randy coughs, “The tribal was crazy, Bebe played her idol on Pete, essentially saving his emo ass.” Pete looking grateful at tribal, “However, the vote tied and Bebe was the one who wound up getting burned.” A shot of Bebe’s torch getting snuffed. “Eight are left, who will be voted out tonight?” Randy shoves a baby in the oven. 

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 11**

* * *

As the tribe walks back into camp, it begins to heavily sleet onto them. Everyone is covered in snow and their gooches are shivering.

 

Tweek shaking all cracked out. “I’m cold.”

 

_ “I'm so glad we got rid of that slut tonight. Kenny spits into the snow, “Now fucking Pete isn't a problem.” Laid over a shot of Pete’s hands turning blue as he smokes a cigarette by his lonesome. _

 

Tribal moaning as the sky gets dark in a time-lapse shot, the tribe is effectively trapped in the shelter due to the winter weather.

 

_ Nichole rubbing her stomach in the corner of the shelter. “The girls are a dying breed out here, and I know I’m probably next. At this point I’m almost ready to go, we’ve been out of food for days and I’m just trying to survive this one night.” _

 

“Listen, guys,” Nichole’s desperate face looking wacky in the night-vision cam. “We have to eat something, or we may not even make it through the night,” Craig somberly nodded in agreement, as they both glanced at Kenny dying of hypothermia several feet away.

 

“How are we gonna go out and find food in this weather?” Tweek anxious.

 

“We don’t have to,” Cartman banged his hands down on the floor of the shelter, his enormous titties wailing in hunger. “We have something to eat right here,” he pointed a finger in Pete’s direction.

 

“I don’t want to eat him, he’s gay,” Shelly narrowing her eyes at Cartman.

 

“I mean the demon baby, obviously,” Cartman gesticulating wildly at Dishrag, swaddled up inconspicuously at Pete’s breast.

 

Nichole flares up her nostrils with disgust. “I don’t know if I can eat that.”

 

“Suck it up bitch,” Cartman shut down the black girl. “The last time I won something we could kill and eat in this game I let it slip through my fingers, I’m not making that mistake again. We have to eat it,” Cartman dictates while everyone looks starved and depressed in the shelter.

 

“Towelie wouldn’t like that, he seems fucking crazy. He would probably kill us all!” Tweek shook violently from the cold/from being spastic.

 

“Well he’s not here right now,” Craig piped up dully. “And I’m starving.”

 

“Me too, I need protein to refuel my cummies,” Kenny added without ceremony.

 

_ “To me, it seemed like an obvious choice,” Shelly shrugging. “When the food’s there in front of you, eat it.” _

 

“I’ll try to get a fire going,” Shelly breaking sticks angrily.

 

“I wanna eat it RAW!” Kenny begins to turn a bit blue.

 

“Fine,” Nichole grumbled.

 

_ “It was really revealing to me, seeing everyone fall in line with this ‘eat the baby’ plan,” Pete frowning. “I know Bebe and I were kind of a thing and that’s her kid but I knew better than to say anything. My head’s been out of this game.” _

 

Uplifting music plays as the tribe begins tearing Dishrag into pieces, muffled screams are heard as he bleeds out.

 

Close-up of Cartman shoving Dishrag’s nose and forehead into his mouth with gusto. “Oh my god, it’s so yummy.”

 

“It’s like an orgasm in my mouth.” Craig chews with his mouth open like a fucking pig.

 

_ “The tribe’s decision to eat a weird towel baby really surprised me,” Henrietta applies her make up, giving herself a banging smoky eye. “I thought they were bigger pussies.”  _

 

_ Shelly picked her teeth with a broken pinecone, “Towel tastes delicious, it almost tastes like chicken.” _

 

After the feast, Tweek and Craig broke up to bone in the woods.

 

“Craig, we need to make a move soon. The money should be ours.” Tweek hums as Craig sucks on his dickie.

 

Craig makes a slurping noise as he looks up at Tweek defiantly. “I see which way the wind is blowing.”

 

_ “If the people in power aren’t coming after me, why try to take it from them?” Craig stretching post-coitus. _

 

Meanwhile, Henrietta and Pete are writing poetry together for old time’s sake. “Henri, do you think this game has changed me?”

 

She ponders while carving ‘die’ into her wrist, “I mean, yeah. You like became a stepfather and shit.” 

 

“Mmm, perhaps.” He flips his hair.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 12**

* * *

The waves crash from Stark’s Pond like woosh at the base of camp.

 

Nichole is braiding Shelly’s hair to give her dreads.

 

_ “I’m really happy to share my culture with Big S, in this game I’ve always admired her, she’s really skrong.” Nichole smiles in a goofy manner. _

 

Meanwhile, Cartman, Craig, Tweek and Kenny gather wood.

 

“Stick to the plan, gahs. Only eight people left, and we have Shelly on our side,” Cartman plotting, as the camera jarringly cuts to a shot of Pete and Henrietta awkwardly sharing a cigarette due to low resources. 

 

_ “The goth fag’s days are numbered, he’s lucky his slut girlfriend gave up her spot for him,” Cartman grinning with Dishrag’s dried blood showing on his shirt. _

 

“Can we vote out the black girl if he wins the necklace,” Craig requests apathetically.

 

“We might have to spread our votes on the girls, who knows if they have an idol,” Tweek acting hella paranoid to keep face.

 

_ “I guess for now I’m still part of Cartman’s plans,” Tweek contemplative, on a bench. “But I don’t think voting Pete out of the game would be a good move for me.” _

 

Nichole still in the shelter is now giving Henrietta cornrows, “I got a proposition for you girl.” Nichole says while grabbing a fistful of Henrietta’s greasy black hair.

 

“I’m listening.” Henrietta lights her long ass cigarette stick.

 

“It’s time.” Nichole curls some of Henrietta’s hair.

 

“Time for what?”

 

“IT.” 

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 12**

* * *

“Come on in, guys!” The remaining castaways stumble in as the camera pans to a line of dummies representing each castaway tied up to crosses. Each cross was held up by three ropes, and a torch stood next to each cross.

 

“Take your positions in front of the doll of your likeness,” Randy instructed them. Nichole made a stank face at her stereotypical-looking doll.

 

“You all were just asked a series of questions regarding your fellow tribemates. I will now ask you these questions again, but this time, you are trying to guess the answer that you think was the most common. If you got it right, you get to chop a rope of one of your competitors; when all three of your ropes are chopped, you’re out of the challenge. Last person standing wins immunity.”

 

The castaways are shown shuffling through their flipbooks of the names of the tribe. “First question, survivors ready?”

 

Craig looking pensive as shit while carefully flipping through his papers.

 

“Who is the stankest member of the tribe?”

 

Everyone confidently flipping through names. “Reveal,” the castaways all hold up their answers; everyone answered Henrietta except Nichole, who held up ‘Cartman’.

 

“The correct answer is… Henrietta.” Henrietta smiles like she just won the stank award for best stank. “Everyone got it right except Nichole, so everyone except Nichole can chop a rope. Craig, take the axe,”

 

_ “So predictable,” Henrietta rolling her eyes as she sniffs her vag. _

 

Craig takes the axe and makes a beeline for Nichole’s black doll. “Sorry,” he says insincerely as he chops Nichole’s first rope.

 

Tweek then takes the axe, he looks around nervously and then apologetically chips away Henrietta’s rope. She wasn’t bothered.

 

Shelly grunts masculinely as she splits Pete’s first rope.

 

Cartman is the next to chop, “Nichole,” He swings down triumphantly.

 

Henrietta makes her stand and spits in Cartman’s face while chopping his first rope.

 

Pete follows Henrietta and doesn’t say NOTHING while he cuts Cartman.

 

Kenny mumbles something incoherently as he chops Henrietta’s second rope.

 

“One round in and this challenge is still anyone’s game,” Randy narrates. “Nichole, Henrietta and Cartman all down to one rope apiece. Nichole, how does it feel to see your doll up there on the cross?”

 

“Oh, my blood is BOILING, Randy,” Nichole wiped the sweat off her tit. “Let’s get it on.”

 

Randy smiled at Nichole’s antics. “Next question,” he begins dramatically. “Who do you least want to see again after this game?”

 

A few seconds pass, the camera shows Tweek making a constipated expression. “Reveal.”

 

Nichole pointedly answers ‘Cartman’ again. The goths also answer with ‘Cartman’ while everyone else answers with ‘Nichole’.

 

The camera shows Cartman’s shit-eating grin as Randy reveals, “The correct answer was… Nichole. Craig, Cartman, Shelly, Kenny and Tweek got it right, Craig take this axe boy.”

 

“Sure thing, Mr. Marsh. I’m gonna even it out.” Craig knocks Pete down to one rope left.

 

Tweek takes the axe next, clearly pressed that he had to take someone out of the challenge. “Ohh, I hate this,” Tweek put his face in his hands. “Sorry, I’m just going random,” he walks over to Nichole’s doll with shame and chops her last rope, lowering her cross into the flames, where her dark-skinned doll ignited immediately. Nichole shed a tear.

 

“Lowercase t for time to leave, Nichole take a seat on the bench.” Randy placed his hands on hips.

 

“Random my ass!” Nichole screams. Tweek winces feeling hella bad. 

 

Shelly then takes the axe, being much less of a pussy than Tweek was about taking Pete out of the challenge. The flames lit the cigarette his doll was holding before burning the doll to a crisp. Pete didn’t make a big deal, walking over to the bench all like “It’s cool, guys.” He lit a cigarette.

 

Cartman then took the axe. “Sorry, sweet tits, but I’m gonna follow suit,” he shiestily cut Henrietta’s last rope, she flipped him off as she took a seat.

 

Kenny finally took the axe, trying to look nonchalant as he took a swing at Tweek’s first rope, as all of the outsiders had been taken out. Tweek cringed in the background.

 

“And just like that, we’re down to five to win this challenge,” Randy gestured patronizingly to Nichole, Pete and Henrietta sitting on the bench..

 

“Next question, who is the biggest threat to win this game?”

 

Cartman chuckles as he flips through his book. “Reveal.”

 

Cartman and Craig answered ‘Cartman’, Tweek and Kenny answered ‘Pete’ and Shelly answered ‘Craig’.

 

“The correct answer was… Pete,” shocked reactions among the castaways as Kenny’s penis smiles. Randy extends the axe to Tweek, who squawks with astonishment.

 

“Payback, sorry.” Tweek ain’t that sorry as he weakly chops away at Kenny’s first rope.

 

“I gotta be a lil strategic.” Kenny strolls over to Shelly, angering her bussy.

 

“Craig still has all of his ropes, Tweek, Kenny, and Shelly all have two, while Cartman hangs on with one.” Randy narrates. Dramatic shot of Craig, with a small smile on his face.

 

“Next question,” Randy glares at the castaways. “Who on this tribe would you trust with your LIFE?”

 

Close up of the castaways looking all hot and confused as they pick their answers. “Reveal.” 

 

Kenny dramatically holds up ‘Pete’ and Tweek holds up ‘Craig’ as Cartman, Craig, and Shelly all hold up ‘Shelly’.

 

“And the correct answer is… Shelly. Ahh.” Randy swoons gaily as he hands his daughter the axe. 

 

_ “It’s time to cause some chaos.” Shelly grins. _

 

She hits Craig in a cold manner, earning a look of discontent from him.

 

Cartman takes the axe, and shrugs as he follows suit and chops Craig’s second rope. “Sorry man, I want the necklace tonight!”

 

“Well you’re not getting it.” Craig nasally knocks out Cartman. He flips him off. Nichole applauds from eliminee bench. 

 

Cartman is LIVID. “HEY!” he flares up at Craig as Shelly holds him back. 

 

Craig side-eyes him with contempt, “Get over it fatboy, it’s just a challenge.” 

 

Cartman stomps over to the bench. “You’re gonna regret it.”

 

_ “Craig’s true colors really showed at the challenge today,” Cartman posing dramatically against a tree. _

 

“Oh boy, fifth question. We got Kenny, Shelly, and Tweek at two, and Craig at one. Who is the laziest member of the tribe?”

 

Everyone racistly answers ‘Nichole’. She scoffs from the sidelines.

 

“And everyone is right! Craig, take back the axe.”

 

“Whatever,” Craig cuts one of Shelly’s ropes, earning some gasps from Nichole and Tweek.

 

Shelly eliminates Craig and his bland looking paper mache mannequin burns like the local hot topic. He is nonplussed as he takes a seat on the bench.

 

Tweek is all “Ahh!” as he raises the axe above his head to chop Kenny down to one.

 

Kenny accidentally chops his hand off as well as Tweek’s rope.

 

“Everyone has their last rope. Next question, Who thinks they are smart, but they are really NOT?”

 

Shelly answers ‘Nichole’, Tweek answers ‘Kenny’, Kenny answers ‘Cartman’.

 

“The correct answer is… Kenny.”

 

Kenny throws his cards on the ground, “Fucking for real?”

 

Tweek gives a shit eating grin as he eliminates Kenny from the challenge. “And just like that, we are down to two for immunity, one rope all, Tweek and Shelly. One of you will win this challenge. The next question is… who deserves to win this game the most?”

 

Dramatic music begins to play as the challenge is about to end. “Reveal,” Tweek contemplates his answer but is all like whateva and shows ‘Kenny’. Shelly is a narcissist and picks ‘Shelly’.

 

“The correct answer is...Kenny again, most of you wrote because he is poor along with it.”

 

Tweek jumps up as celebratory tribal music begins to play. He skips over to Shelly’s dykey looking doll and releases it into the flames. Shelly looks on with envy as Randy places the necklace around Tweek’s sleek twink neck.

 

“Tweek, safe tonight at tribal council, guaranteed a one in seven shot at the prize,” Randy with a glint in his eye. “For the rest of you, one of you is gone tonight, so pack ya bags,” he chucked the deuces up and the tribe filed away.

 

_ “The necklace was all I needed, it’s time to make my move,” the immunity necklace making Tweek’s eyes really pop. _

 

_ “Yeah, I wanted to win, but did I need it tonight?” Shelly crossing her arms. “Honestly, probably not.” _

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 12**

* * *

_ Kenny smokes a leftover spliff, “I guess people still hate the poor.” _

 

Cartman pulling Craig into the woods immediately after returning to camp. “Are you with me or against me?”

 

Craig looks him dead ass in the eye. “I’m with you, all the way.”

 

“Don’t ever fuck me around like that again,” Cartman glaring at him intimidatingly.

 

_ “I don’t feel bad for what I did,” Craig eyeing the camera defensively. “If the blacks and the goths thought we were unified, we would be in trouble.” _

 

Henrietta and Pete are having their smoking session while Nichole ambushes them at the edge of Stark’s Pond.

 

“We need to fucking mobilize before the white man takes us down!” Nichole begins to lay out ha plan to the receptive goths. “I’m done pussy-footing around, we only need two mo.”

 

_ “I want my revenge,” Pete flips his hair, “I’m not gonna let these fags run me out of town easily, see?” _

 

Meanwhile, Cartman gathers the rest of the tribe by the fire. “We have all the power right mya.”

 

_ “This is essentially another round of, do whatever keeps the alliance happy. I honestly don’t care which one of those fags we vote out,” Cartman laying back. “It’s totally not about race.” _

 

“Why don’t we finally take out the black chick? We don’t need her vote any mo,” Kenny suggested.

 

Fervent nods in agreement from Craig, Tweek, and Shelly. “Yeah, disenfranchisement,” someone said.

 

_ “I need to stay team loyal, even though Nichole ain’t half bad,” Shelly stroking her new braid forlornly. _

 

Tribal shout like “hoooo” as the sun sets, Tweek sneaking off to talk to Pete under the excuse of taking a dump.

 

“This is our last chance to take this shot,” Pete putting his foot down, to put out the butt he had just thrown on the ground.

 

Tweek starting to hyperventilate. “I don’t think Craig is gonna do it! They’re getting racist again,” ominous shot of Nichole flipping her braids.

 

Pete holds Tweek’s shoulders steady. “You know which name to write. We’ll figure out the rest.”

 

_ “Jesus, Cartman pulls the same shit every time we have to go vote and his ass is on the line.” Henrietta vapes from a pinecone she fastened together. “I know what to do.”  _

 

Cartman returns to camp, with his chest puffed out. 

 

Henrietta shouts, “Cartman, you fat fuck, it won’t even matter if you make to the end. Who the fuck would vote for a piece of shit fascist like you to win?” She tosses ha unfinished cig at him even though she’s about to run out. Henrietta doesn’t care, she’s a renegade.

 

“Bitch you would have been out day the fuck five if I hadn’t offered my coattail!” Cartman spits at her.

 

“I’m here because of the loch ness monster! Give me tree fiddy cunt.” Henrietta screaming at Cartman as Nichole looks on in the background predatorily.

 

_ “Diabetes slut is lucky it’s not her,” Cartman spitting into the tribe’s drinking water. _

 

Music crescendos as the tribe is shown marching away from camp with their torches.

 

_ “I’ve been sleep on this neo-nazi scumbag for long enough, and I’m just fucking tired of it,” Henrietta slashing at her thighs. _

 

_ “This is my last stand for my people in this game,” Nichole up in arms. “Baby Jesus let me survive tonight.” _

 

_ Shelly’s mustache is very noticeable in this confessional, “It’s down to the wire, we need to flush out the turds.” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 12**

* * *

The tribe looks disheveled as ever as they stumble into Randy’s backyard.

 

“Let’s bring in the members of our jury, Towelie, Wendy, and Bebe voted out at the last tribal council.” Bebe has her hair curled and her tits out in a nice dress.

 

“So Craig,” the camera shows the blue-hatted boy reacting indifferently to Randy’s probing. “Things heated up today at the immunity challenge. Did that show some lines in the sand?”

 

“It was just a challenge, we were all trying to win,” Craig answers flatly.

 

“Uhh, that’s some buhhshit,” Nichole comes in hot from the corner of the tribal area. “Look at who the fuck was chopped off first,” the camera shows the second-class citizen goths nodding on their side of the seats. “It was exactly like when we picked new tribes, nothing has changed since then.”

 

“So Pete, you think there are two clear sides?”

 

Pete puffs on his cigarette contemplatively. “Less two sides, more one big cancerous alliance that threatens to absorb everything in its way,” he casts a judgmental glance at Cartman and Craig.

 

“Wow,” Randy not sure how to respond to that tone. “Shelly, what are your thoughts on the vote tonight?”

 

Shelly folds her hands together. “Like always, dad, it’s stick to the plan.”

 

“So you’re in this alliance?”

 

Shelly blinking. “We’ll have to see about that.”

 

“Everyone is so caught up on calling out an ‘alliance’,” Cartman unable to contain himself. “Are the two emo fags not an alliance? Maybe some people in this game know how to stay loyal and keep trust, and some don’t, not my problem,” he wipes his nose.

 

“Kenny, how are you feeling about tonight?” Randy changes the subject.

 

“Feeling like I need to bust a nut later, Mr. Marsh. May we vote please?”

 

“Alright, it’s time to vote. Henrietta, you’re up,”

 

Henrietta totters over to the urn and writes [Cartman] venomously. 

 

Tweek’s hand shaking a little bit as he writes a name, “It’s too late to make more mistakes.”

 

Shelly looking down as she writes a name.

 

Nichole strides over angrily and scrawls [Cartman], “I never want to look into your blue eyes ever again.”

 

“If I have to write your god damn name down again, I swear to god.” [Nichole] Cartman tosses his vote into the shoebox.

 

Pete scribbles out a name, “You like that little man?”

 

Craig sighs as he votes giving off that angsty twink vibe.

 

Kenny writes down [Nichole] with defiance, “People like you are the reason I’m poor!”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy goes to grab the urn. “If anyone has the hidden immunity idol, do what you do,” the camera showed Kenny for some reason but nothing happened.

 

“Once the votes are read the decision is final,” Randy pulled the lid off the urn sexually.

 

“First vote…

 

[Nichole]

 

Nichole flips a braid out of her face. 

 

“Next vote…” [Nichole]

 

“Pfft.” Nichole grabs her lil bag that production gives everyone..

 

Randy begins to read the next two votes in quick succession.

 

[Cartman]

 

[Cartman]

 

“Two votes Nichole and Two votes Cartman.”

 

[Cartman]

 

Randy pauses for a moment before he reveals the next vote,

 

[Nichole]

 

“We are tied again! Three votes Nichole, three votes Cartman.” 

 

Randy flips the next vote all quick-like.

 

[Cartman]

 

Cartman whips his head around. “What?” He glares at Craig.

 

Craig flips him off. “I didn’t fucking do that.”

 

“Thirteenth person voted out and the fourth member of our jury…”

 

[Cartman]

 

“Please bring me your torch.”

 

Cartman gave Tweek and Craig a death glare as he stood up and walked over to Randy, Tweek making face at Craig all dumbfounded as Shelly stares into the flames.

 

“Cartman, the tribe has spoken,” Randy snuffs Cartman’s torch. “Time for you to go.”

 

Audible whimpers are heard as Cartman exits.

 

“Looks like Cartman was right about them alliances, eh?” Randy winks at the final seven. “Get back to camp.”

 

_ “I had a feeling the fags were poised to get rid of me, and I let them get one step too far. I learned my lesson, next time it’s MASC ONLY.” Cartman’s cheeks still lookin a lil red. _

 

**_NEXT TIME ON… SURVIVOR!_ **

* * *

_ It’s total chaos at camp. _

 

_ “I’m not fucking lying,” Craig stone-cold. _

 

_ Shelly giving the camera a toothy smile. “They all think I’m so stupid.” _

 

_ “I think Kenny gave me gonorrhea? My dick is hella weird,” Pete inspecting his gross ass pale dick. _


	13. Sink or Swim

Randy does some cock magic for the contestants voted off before the merge, “Previously on Survivor!” 

 

“The castaways were starving, I thought their stomachs might explode!” A shot of Nichole look peckish with some stale Cheesy Poofs. “In a desperate decision, they ate Dishrag.” Montage of Dishrag screaming and being eaten to death. 

 

“This gave them enough gusto to backstab each other at the coconut chop challenge.” Dramatic cuts of the paper mache dolls catching fire. “Tweek pulled out the immunity due to his bland inoffensiveness.” Tweek looking hella smug with the necklace around his thin neck.

 

“During the vote, Cartman couldn’t catch anymore breaks and became the fourth member of the jury. Seven are left, who will be voted off tonight!?” Randy made his dickie go behind Butters’ ear. He retrieves it and Butters giggles asianly.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 12**

* * *

Dramatic drum beats play as the tribe returns to camp in the dark, camera zooms in on Craig’s stank expression.

 

_ Craig staring the camera down. “I don’t know what happened.” _

 

Tweek and Kenny exchanging weakened, hostile glances from across the shelter. Awkward silence among the group as Henrietta’s gooch wails in the corner.

 

_ “So even though we’re out of food and I’m pretty sure I have toxic shock, something went right in this game,” Henrietta searching for unfinished butts on the shore of Stark’s Pond. “Soon they’ll have to conform to us.” _

 

Craig soon complains of poop cramps and dips, prompting Tweek to ask Shelly to help him find some medium-sized sticks.

 

_ “I think everyone was shocked by Cartman going tonight,” Tweek’s skinny shoulders shrug in the night-vision cam. “Now Craig’s testes are all twisted up and I’m scared!!” _

 

Shelly non-reactive to Craig’s piercing glare. “Why did you guys flip?”

 

“I didn’t fucking flip, don’t tell me what I did. I’m not fucking lying,” Craig stone-cold.

 

Tweek’s head bobbing precariously as he turns to look at both. “I told you it was time to make the move Craig!”

 

Craig shakes his head in frustration, his dickie not taking the bait.

 

“Listen,” Shelly lowers her head slightly to level with the whiny fag. “We weren’t supposed to need Tweek’s vote, but if me and you and Cartman voted Nichole…”

 

“Kenny,” Craig deduces coldly. Tweek narrows his eyes, happy to have his paranoia justified.

 

_ “People may be sleeping on this game, but I knew exactly what I was doing,” Shelly crossing her arms, strong like a tree. “It was time to unclog that big turd from the game, now that nobody would think it was me. Trust and loyalty are foreign to the gays.” _

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 13**

* * *

_ "SO, there’s still two crackers in the game that would rather have me gone over a bigot.” Nichole brandishes her new weave to the camera, it’s pretty and pink. “I know Craig is a snake, I suspect Shelly, but dang I did ha hair and this is how she repays me? That would be a major disappointment.” _

 

Nichole acting sleuthy, “Hey Shelly, you want me to do your nails?”

 

Shelly still has that vicious hangnail, “Yee.”

 

After they get some privacy in the shelter Nichole whispers, “You can be real with me, did you vote me last night?”

 

“I didn’t, I knew it was high time I washed my hands. Cartman had to go.” Shelly furiously nods. 

 

_ “Voting out Cartman was the biggest move of the game, they were already lumping me in like I was retarded or something,” Shelly sits in the snow, hugging her tree trunk legs, giving the camera a toothy smile, “They all think I’m so stupid, but this is my game, Cartman’s gone and it was because I wrote his name down.” _

 

Shot of Kenny sitting up in the shelter as his tribemates vegetate in the sun, famished.

 

“Uhh, guys,” Kenny stands up definitively. “I’m going to die if we don’t find food soon, we have to do something,” Henrietta raises her brows incredulously as he grabs the machete and disappears into the woods.

 

_ “I may have played myself into a corner on this one,” Kenny chomps on a rotten-looking apple. “But now that I’ve made the tribe weak, hungry,” laid over a shot of Nichole being too slow to swat a fly off her tit, “I can control the way they feel. And now that Fatboy is gone, it’s  time we eat the damn pig.” _

 

A few minutes later, gasps as Kenny drags the pig carcass into camp.

 

Pete, immediately aroused by Kenny’s masculinity. “Jesus, where did you find this?”

 

Kenny made an indeterminate sound as he threw the pig onto the fire.

 

_ “Who would vote me out now?” Kenny breaks into a low chuckle. _

 

The camera shows Nichole and the goths munching on some pig in the shelter as Tweek lays down from indigestion pains in the background.

 

“This game is turning around,” Pete says out of nowhere, pig visible in his teeth.

 

“Tweek is too scared to even think about making a move,” Henrietta leaning on a fat arm. “It’s like I’d probably eat him, you know?”

 

Nichole’s eyes go wide as she makes a hand gesture to silence the fatter girl. “No, listen, y’all, it was Big S that voted with us last night, the homos can’t be trusted!”

 

_ “I know that after that aids tribal council, Craig hasn’t been okay.” Tweek pensively sitting on a stump. “I needed to seduce him to get him focused. This is not the time to blow it!” Tweek twitches. _

 

Luring Craig into the jungle where everybody winds up boning on some dead ass leaves, Tweek shows off a shoulder with a come hither stare.

 

“Tweek, don’t be gay. I’m not in the mood.” Craig sulks like a fat lesbian who gets denied cake and pussy.

 

“But please? Dick is my new favorite thing besides coffee.” Tweek becomes slightly deranged. “STICK YOUR DICK IN ME!” He jumps on that dickie.

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 13**

* * *

Uplifting music begins to play as the final seven walks into the large space that’s a maze.

 

“You guys have been out here for thirteen grueling days,” Randy puts a hand on a hip gayly. “I think it’s time for a little love.”

 

Kenny pops a boner, glancing at Pete predatorily, but then they all get spooped by a middle-aged woman wearing a bikini running at them from the horizon, her bush all poofin out.

 

“Mom!” Craig runs to his adoptive mother, she opens her arm as the blissful soundtrack lingers as long as their hug. Craig starts sobbing into his mother’s cushiony groin.

 

“Craig, say hello to your mother Laura,” Randy smiling wistfully.

 

A neat looking lady arrives on the scene, smiling cautiously at Henrietta.

 

“Hi, sweetie,” she waves from Randy’s side.

 

“Oh my god, why are you following me mom?” Henrietta’s gooch clapping in anger.

 

A dirty little girl pops out of the bushes, Randy puts a hand on ha shoulder. “Kenny, say hello to your little sister Karen.”

 

Kenny runs up to her and locks her in a long, tender embrace. Randy chuckles. “Just a hug, now!”

 

_ A tear falls down Karen’s dirty face. “Kenny’s my big brother, but he’s so much more than that. He’s just incredible, he can do anything he puts his mind to.” _

 

Swishing of a cape is heard, “You missed me, per se?”

 

“Pete, this is your boyfriend, Vampir!”

 

“What the fuck?” Pete’s face becomes as red as his fugly dye job. “Vampire fag is not my boyfriend.”

 

“Don’t play hard to get per se?” He flutters while Pete hides behind Kenny’s starving ass.

 

_ Vampir hisses. “The stars foretold my return.” _

 

Chanting of “Time to go to work, work all day, search for underpants hey! We won't stop until we have underpants! Yum yum yummy yum yay!” echoes around the challenge area.

 

“Oh fuck, why?” Tweek murmurs.

 

“Tweek, meet your old pal, the King of the Underpant Gnomes.” Randy gestures to a midget.   


 

An unfamiliar brown boy is the next to come out. Shelly immediately cries out like a dying whale. “Shelly, welcome your long-distance boyfriend Amir.”

 

Oohs and aahs from the tribe at the unconventional interracial relationship, as Shelly throws her arms around Amir.

 

_ Shelly emotional sitting on a boulder. “He’s so charming in person.” _

 

Finally, a black man emerges from the bushes, Nichole knows it’s for ha, but she doesn’t recognize him. She glares at Randy with racial oppression. “Who dis?”

 

“Nichole, say hello to ya daddy!” Randy makes a big face.

 

She gasps and rushes over, “Where have you been?”

 

“Prison, baby, but I’m out now.” They hold hands.

 

_ “I never met my daddy, how did they find him?” Nichole sobbing. “I can’t believe it.” _

 

“Okay now that you all done being gay, who’s ready for the next immunity challenge?” Randy summons Tweek over to take the necklace back.

 

“For this challenge, all the loved ones will be blindfolded. The castaways will be SCREAMING at their loved ones to guide them through the maze. First person to get their loved one to the end of the maze wins Immunity, and also a reward,” he flashes a smile, “your loved one will return to camp with you tonight.”

 

Many emotional reactions from the tribe, except for Henrietta.

 

_ “More time to actually meet my true, flesh and blood father,” fat tears running down Nichole’s face, “That’s priceless.” _

 

“The winner also gets to pick someone else to have their loved one return to camp,”

 

“Survivors ready, GO!” He shoots Kenny in the throat, Karen is all like “Huh? What? Kenny, help!”

 

“AMIR GO RIGHT!!!” Shelly’s voice kills a few birds just by sheer volume.

 

The camera shows Laura Tucker bumping into walls. Craig over on his platform struggling to scream over the rest. “No, go left! Left!”

 

“We can do this Henrietta!” Mrs. Biggle tries to encourage her daughter from the near-beginning of the maze, as Karen is seen wandering aimlessly in the background. Henrietta sitting on her platform smoking a cigarette, as a zany percussive sound effect plays.

 

Tweek jumping up and down, “Left Undapants gnome! Left! Ahh!” Tweek topples off his platform on to the ground.

 

Nichole’s long-lost father hobbling through the course, lagging just behind the Underpants Gnome, as Nichole shrieks, “Let’s go! Let’s go! We got this daddy!”

 

“Mike! You gotta run!” Pete tries to yell, but his early smoking years have already wrecked his voice.

 

“That’s not my name!” Vampir stands firmly at one of the many dead ends in the maze.

 

“Whatever,” Pete bums a cigarette off of Henrietta.

 

Randy shouting over all of the chaos, “This challenge is going into a tailspin! Nichole is in it! Tweek’s in it!” camera shows Laura Tucker still hopelessly lost, going in the dead ass wrong direction.

 

“AMIR YOU’RE ALMOST THERE!!!!” Shelly bursts Kenny’s eardrums after he just reincarnated. Amir making a face of intense concentration as he throws his hands around.

 

Quick shots of Nichole’s and Tweek’s faces as Amir is then shown stumbling through the finish line. “SHELLY WINS IMMUNITY!!!” Randy jumps up in the air. 

 

Shelly barrels through the course to crush Amir in an embrace. She screams victoriously into Amir’s brown shoulder.

 

A transitional shot where a man moans like “Whoaaa” shows Shelly with the necklace on.

 

“Alright, now Shelly,” Randy addresses his daughter proudly. “You get to pick someone else to have their loved one come back to camp.”

 

Camera shows Shelly making a pensive expression.

 

_ “Winning this challenge could change everything in this game, but there was someone I just had to pick,” Shelly hugging a knee with Amir nodding next to her. _

 

“Sorry turds, but how can I not reunite someone with their prison daddy?” She points at Nichole, who promptly starts whooping, grasping her father’s hand.

 

_ “I knew Big S was a solid bitch,” Nichole wiping the tears away, sitting on ha daddy’s knee. _

 

Randy grins shiestily. “Well I have good news for you that might make you feel better about that tough decision,” camera shows Tweek’s eyes bugging out. “Everyone’s loved ones are coming for a visit.”

 

Henrietta groans in protest as Kenny plants a kiss on Karen’s mouth.

  
  


**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 13**

* * *

“Oh Henri, deary, the shelter looks so small!” Mrs. Biggle places her hands on her face in manufactured shock. “How can you sleep at night?”

 

_ “I agreed to do this game to get the fuck away from mother,” Henrietta sighs, “This is some bullshit.” _

 

Shelly and Amir hold hands in the shelter. “What do you even eat out here?” Amir asks to break the awkward silence.

 

“Well this blonde slut who got voted out, the towel raped her and she had a baby turd that we had to eat when we ran out of food,” Shelly explains with gusto. Amir smiles with discomfort. 

 

_ “I can’t believe my Shelly’s been roughing it out here for two weeks,” Amir looking amazed at the camera with Shelly blushing beside him. “It’s a winter wonderland out here!” _

 

Camera shows Kenny looking on hungrily as Pete smokes a cigarette laconically while Vampir tries to talk to him.

 

_ “Seeing my lil sister really rejubinated me,” Kenny sputters, “I think I want Pete to have my baby.” _

 

Kenny approaches the goth boy and rubs his boner on him. “Can we talk in the woods, Pete?”

 

Pete nods submissively and gets up to follow Kenny, only to be followed by Vampir.

 

_ “I know this game like the back of my hand, per se, and I have to ensure the victory of my good friend Pete,” Vampir smiling toothily. _

 

Meanwhile, Craig and Tweek were being similarly cockblocked by Craig’s mother Laura.

 

“So who are you kids voting out next?” Laura prods excitedly, as Tweek stares at her bikini bottom uncomfortably.

 

“Kenny’s gone next, it’s already decided,” Craig horny and impatient.

 

Henrietta and Nichole sitting by the shelter with their parents. Nichole smiles when she realizes they’re alone. “So which fag goes first?”

 

Henrietta shrugs. “I don’t give a FUCK,” as her mother gasps behind her at the fact she is aligned with the black chick.

 

_ “My little girl is making dangerous decisions in this game,” Mrs. Biggle clutching her pearls. “I wish I could help her, but that’s never been possible.” _

 

Meanwhile, Craig and Tweek finally getting down to business when Kenny, Pete, and Vampir suddenly arrive through a bush. “Woooooah!” Kenny exclaims, his dicke hardening instantaneously.

 

Tweek squawks for a moment, but is quieted by Kenny’s gloved finger entering his butthole.

 

“This is how you pass the time, per se?” Vampir inquisitively becomes aroused.

 

Tribal drums play as the camera shows a heavily-blurred shot of Kenny unzipping Pete’s pants as he sits on top of Craig. Tweek is heard yelping sexually.

 

_ “One thing led to another, and then suddenly we were ALL part of it,” Tweek recounting the situation with confusion and bruises on his slender neck. _

 

The bushes rustle and Karen is all like “Hey! You left me out of the orgy again, big brother?” She grabs Vampir by his long hair, “Bite my pussy, vamp kid.”

 

 _“I’m not normally into chicks, but that Karen girl can really use her tongue!”_ _Craig looking exhausted._

 

Camera shows the post-orgy awkwardness, the castaways and loved ones in varying degrees of undress as Karen passes a bowl to Pete.

 

_ “This just proved that I’m in a power position in this game,” Kenny lounging shirtless. “My vote could make the gays sink or swim tonight.” _

 

Sudden shift in the music as Pete and Kenny are shown walking away from the site of the orgy. “You know we can’t trust Tweek,” Kenny looks Pete in the eye sultrily.

 

Pete nods in agreement. “I know it’s gotta be one or the other.”

 

“What if they have an idol?” Kenny tries to plant a seed of doubt in the goth kid. Pete looks concerned.

 

_ “And now I’m realizing, if I can get them to split the vote, I could really send home whoever I wanted,” Kenny rubbing his hands together, as he shifts his hips around with discomfort for some reason. _

 

_ “I got the fortune at the City Wok saying all idols had been found,” Pete peering into the confessional camera. “I know how to count, this boy is tryna fuck with me.” _

 

Camera cuts to Kenny cornering Tweek and Craig in a clearing while they create anal beads out of small coconuts and some leftover Dishrag entrails, “The minorities have too much power, tonight I think it’s lynch or lose for us,” Kenny implies a hate crime as Craig nods fervently.

 

_ “I don’t trust that slut for a second,” Tweek glaring into the camera. _

 

Meanwhile the girls were making some cheesy puff stew while Nichole began to count on her fingers how many for real castaways were still at camp. Shelly and Amir are getting a bit handsy in the shelter. “Yo Big S, the boys are planning a vagicide. Where they at?”

 

Shelly looks at her sternly while Amir fingers her pussy. “Hmm.”

 

_ “I feel like I can trust Nichole despite the stereotypes of her people,” Shelly explains wokely as Amir looks on proudly. “And tonight, I think the decision comes down to us. How’s that for pussy power?” she puts on a crooked grin. _

 

Henrietta is a slumbering while production is trying to round up all the loved ones to get the fuck out. A boat materializes in Stark's’ Pond to take them away. Pete nudges Henrietta with his shoe, “Bitch get up, I need to talk to you.”

 

“I am voting my way tonight, Pete. My mother being in my presence gave me full blown AIDS.” She turns away.

 

_ “Henrietta is a such a bitch sometimes. God.” Pete flips his hair and chain smokes. “This vote is kinda important.”  _

 

Tweek desperately pulls Pete aside just moments before tribal. “So that was weird earlier, huh.”

 

Pete gulps awkwardly. “Uh, yeah.”

 

_ “I saw Tweek in a whole new light today,” Pete licking his lips with uncertainty. “And now, ironically, I’m not sure if I can trust him, at least as long as both he and his stank little boyfriend are here.” _

 

“We’re on the same page, right?” Pete stammering as Tweek is shown starting to hyperventilate.

 

_ “I hope Pete doesn’t think of me differently now that he knows that I can take not one, not two, but three dickies inside me at once!” Tweek scratches his chin. _

 

Shots of the tribe gathering their torches and marching out, Craig passively looking around for his underpants, all like “Guys, where are my underpants?” Pete looking visibly uncomfortable.

 

_ “I think Kenny gave me gonorrhea? My dick is hella weird,” Pete inspecting his gross pale ass dick. _

 

_ Nichole giving the camera a stank eye. “We really need to split up the gays tonight, these white people crazy if they let them survive another vote.” _

 

_ Kenny cackling behind a tree. “Tonight, whatever I say goes!” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 13**

* * *

The tribe files into the Marshes’ backyard with torches in hand, Tweek wincing as he sits down on his stool.

 

“First let’s bring in the members of the jury, Towelie,” He’s wearing a fancy bowtie looking considerably sober. “Wendy, Bebe,” Bebe has her hair pulled back into a ponytail. “And the last person voted out, Cartman” Cartman gained twenty pounds at Ponderosa and is PISSED.

 

“So, how is everyone doing after the family visit?” Randy places a hand on his chin. 

 

“Meeting my daddy was all I could have asked for, and I can only thank this beautiful program for that,” Nichole pandering to production, her eyes glowing with tears. Kenny apathetically nods beside her.

 

“Well, all of our underwear is gone!” Shelly pouts with her pussy hanging out. 

 

Tweek winces and shifts in his chair. 

 

“Randy, my dick hurts.” Kenny just whips it out, obviously having gonorrhea. 

 

“Oh boy, does anyone else's dickie hurt?” Randy asks. 

 

Tweek, Pete, Craig, and Henrietta all raise their hands.

 

Nurse Gollum emerges from the shed all like boom, “I got some tests to run.” The voting music plays as Nurse Gollum performs some medical witchcraft on the long line of faggots.

 

A banner pops up over the bottom of the screen reading ‘The results are in!’ Nurse Gollum stands next to Randy. “So I understand there’s been some unsafe play on this island, and especially in an exotic climate such as this, that leaves you prone to STDs,” camera cuts to Tweek looking mortified.

 

“Henrietta,” Nurse Gollum begins, “You’re clean, you’re just suffering from toxic shock.”

 

“Aw, man!” Henrietta strokes her toxic pussy in grief.

 

“As for the rest of you,” camera shows a shot of Tweek, Pete, Kenny, and Craig all looking hella nervous, “You got gonorrhea, wrap your dickie next time!” she runs back into the shed.

 

Nichole just shakes her head in shame.

 

“Nichole, does this change anything?”

 

“Well Randy, this is surprising! I guess gonorrhea revealed the lines in the sand.” She rolls her eyes. 

 

Tweek freaking out, he stands up on his stool. “This disease says nothing about my loyalty, NOTHING HAS CHANGED,” close up on his contorted face, glowing with sweat. Cut to Kenny looking hella bemused at the drama.

 

Randy makes an incredulous face. “Wow. How do you feel going into this vote, sweetie?” He addresses his daughter.

 

Shelly crossing her arms. “All of these turds are getting a little too comfortable with each other, that’s what I think.” Close-up of Craig looking stank in reaction to this.

 

“Craig, do you think she’s talking about you?”

 

“The nurse lady just told me I have diarrhea, how do you think I feel Stan’s dad?” Craig not putting up with the bullshit.

 

“Well, it's time to vote. Kenny, you’re up first.”

 

Kenny strolls to the voting booth, with discharge oozing from his cock. “Game over.”

 

Shot of Craig’s sweet ass as he votes because he still making the same ass stank face. “You broke my dick.”

 

Pete’s goth hair looking hella greasy in the torch light as he writes down a name. “Looks like you’re getting blindsided twice tonight.”

 

Henrietta lights a cig before smirking as she writes [Pete] “I can't believe that you're such a conformist slut.”

 

Tweek sniffling, still reeling from his gonorrhea diagnosis, votes in a benign way. 

 

Shelly forcefully rips the cap off of the marker. “It's the end of the road, turd.”

 

Nichole looking pissed for some reason as her braids swing in her face, “Y’all WHACK,” she turns on her heel and struts back.

 

“I’ll tally the votes,” Randy sidles past the cast, visibly unnerved by the spread of disease.

 

“Once the votes are read, the decision is final, you can come in and have some lasaga that Sharon is making,” Randy says cordially while a shot is shown of Cartman rubbing his hands together from the jury.

 

“Ooo,” Kenny looking a little deranged.

 

“First vote…” [Pete] Pete’s eyes fly open, and he looks wildly around at his allies.

 

“Next vote…” [Kenny] Kenny shrugs from his seat.

 

Randy opens the next vote nonchalantly, [Craig], still no visible change in Craig’s expression.

 

“Fourth vote,” [Tweek]

 

He begins to cry like a fag. 

 

“That’s one vote for Pete, Kenny, Craig, and Tweek, three votes left,” slow, booming tribal drum beats over shot of Nichole shaking her head as Pete wears a look of horror next to her.

 

“Next vote…” [Kenny]

 

“What the hell?” the sound of Kenny’s muffled voice as Craig clandestinely grabs Tweek’s hand, smirking.

 

Randy picks up the next vote as the music begins to speed up and more ethnic grunts are heard.

 

[Craig]

 

Craig’s eyebrows going crazy as Kenny glares at the fags from behind.

 

“That’s two votes Kenny, two votes Craig, one vote Pete, one vote Tweek, one vote left,” Randy narrates slowly, chewing the scenery as the camera shows the four faggots in various states of distress.

 

“Last vote, and the fourteenth person voted out of Survivor: South Park and fifth member of the jury is…” Randy opens the vote. 

 

Multiple shots of Wendy and Tweek looking like they about to take a dump. 

 

[Craig]

 

“Wow.” He stands up and grabs his torch, too stank to say goodbye to his crying slampiece reaching out ta him. Henrietta sighs while Kenny tries to hide his shock. Wendy turns to Bebe on the jury, her hand covering her mouth.

 

“Craig, the tribe has spoken,” Randy snuffs his torch and the camera shows him walking into the warm Marsh house bathed in blue light, his ass in the middle of the shot.

 

“I think after tonight, one thing is clear,” Randy looking at the cast patronizingly, “Wear a condom.” They all pick up their torches and leave.

 

**_NEXT TIME ON… SURVIVOR_ **

* * *

_ “Please, sir!” Tweek begging to someone on his knees. _

 

_ Pete looking deadass at Kenny in the woods. “That’s the plan, TRUST.” _

 

_ Henrietta throwing the last few cigarettes into Starks’ Pond. _

 

_ Nichole’s eyes bug out in shock. “Bam!” _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and please review if you’d like! The votes were
> 
> Pete, Nichole, and Shelly - Craig
> 
> Tweek and Craig - Kenny
> 
> Kenny - Tweek
> 
> Henrietta - Pete


	14. An Act of Providence

“Previously on Survivor!” Randy stands up at his AA meeting. “Shelly was feeling very content with herself for putting the final nail in Cartman’s coffin.” Shot of Shelly looking hella smug while she lounged in the shelter. 

 

“At the immunity challenge, almost everyone was excited to see their loved one.” A shot of Shelly embracing Amir and Nichole meeting her father. “While others were stank about it.” Montage of Henrietta glaring at her mother during the challenge.

 

“Things heated up back at camp when the gays boys decided that an orgy was in order.” Heavily blurred shots of Tweek being a slut are shown. “However, the cum they shared wasn’t enough and Craig was blindsided by a pussy reformation.” Shot of Craig getting his torch snuffed. “Six are left, who will be voted out tonight!?” Randy sits down and the alcoholics clap for him. 

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 14**

* * *

_ Tweek sobbing hysterically, “That DEVASTATED me. My game is practically over,” Tweek forlorn glances up to the sky, “They can vote me out whenever they want and I can’t do anything about it.” _

 

It begins to lightly drizzle on the remaining castaways. This doesn’t stop Kenny from dragging Pete in the woods for a celebratory rim job.

 

_ “Craig going was necessary.” Pete smokes a post-coital cigarette. “Between Henrietta, Kenny, and now Tweek without his stank little slampiece, I have my options open.” _

 

_ “I wish Craig was still here, I miss his fine ass.” Kenny pouts while Pete rails him from behind. _

 

Meanwhile, the girls and Tweek are hiding under their pitiful leaves to stay dry.

 

“Are those two fags fucking again?” Henrietta incredulously asks while her mascara runs down her face.

 

Shelly grunts in agreement. Nichole tries to fix her frizzing hair.

 

_ “With none of the girls getting votes last night, I feel fantastic!” Nichole says and throws her hands up in the air. _

 

A camera close up Tweek’s sweaty face.

 

_ Tweek shivering on a stump, “I'd like to do more than survive, I'd like to rub it in their faces.” _

 

Music changes to an intense shimmery track featuring some low moaning, laid over Shelly and Nichole walking down the beach.

 

“Only four to go,” Nichole grinned. Shelly nodding fervently.

 

_ “At this point, I think everyone’s considering how they’re gonna get to the end, and which turds they would win against before the jury.” Shelly wraps her hands around her thick dykey kneecap.  _

 

Camera shows the two girls wading through the water of Starks’ Pond, looking for sea cucumbers. “Oooh!” Nichole yelps ethnically as a fish brushes by her pussy.

 

_ “I flipped to the girls, and now it looks like Nichole is content to sit in the final two with me,” Shelly with a sly grin. “But we’re gonna have to see what’s best for ME.” _

 

Camera slowly zooms out from Shelly and Nichole in the pond to reveal Tweek hiding up in a tree nearby.

 

_ Tweek hugging his chest. “I can’t play from the bottom, time to find some CRACKS.” _

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 14**

* * *

The sun shines over Kenny’s nude ass as he lays in the middle of camp.

 

_ “I feel hella comfortable, Tweek’s ass is now weakened, those dumb girls would NEVER think that I’m a threat.” Kenny masturbates to his strategic planning. “Pete still banging as ever, I am the king, this is my town.” _

 

Nichole and Pete are sitting by the weak fire, “Day fourteen! Wow.” Nichole states.

 

Pete nods and blows smoke out of his nose.

 

_ “It’s pretty impressive that these conformists didn’t genocide me earlier.” Pete rests his head on his hand, “I’m so close to the end, I need to be extra careful moving forward.” _ __   
  


Back at camp, Henrietta sat in the shelter alone, looking around stankly as Kenny tended the fire.

 

_ “I think it’s obvious what my chances in this gay game are,” Henrietta’s pale round cheeks shining in the sun. “Everyone knows I won’t win, but then because of that they want to keep me longer,” she shakes her head. “I might as well just be invisible, but what else is new?” _

 

Mischievous music plays as the camera shows Henrietta tottering away from camp. In the shelter, Tweek looking hella paranoid. “Where’s she going, Pete?”

 

“I don’t know man, probably to take a dump or a period or something,” Pete offers Tweek another cigarette.

 

Gong sound effect as the shot cuts to Henrietta sitting in the diner sipping a coffee, the fat waitress lady glaring at her with concern.

 

“Are you going to order anything besides coffee?” Her nametag read ‘Joanne’.

 

“Shut the fuck up, old bitch, my vag is dirty and I need to think.” Henrietta burns her tongue on her hot coffee.

 

_ “Seeing my capitalist whore mother made me realize how much I don’t want to go home,” Henrietta applying makeup in the diner bathroom. “And now that my vag is cursed, the target on my back is even smaller.” _

 

Shelly emerges onto the scene with the Tree Mail “Guys! I got tree mail! It looks like it has to do with cards.” Shot lingers on her staring at a Queen of Spades.

 

Kenny hums, “I hope it’s strip poker.” Cut to Pete smirking like a hoe.

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 14**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” the final six file into the challenge area where six small tables and a larger covered one are set up. Henrietta’s tit bounces as she takes her spot on the mat last.

 

“For today’s challenge, you’ll have to build a house of cards, the person who can build the tallest one in thirty minutes will win immunity. However, you don’t have to play in this immunity if you don’t want to.” Randy smiles like a piece of shit.

 

Nichole’s eyes bug out in shock, “Bam!” 

 

Randy strides over to the covered table and whips off the tablecloth like WHOOSH. Camera shows the castaways all like “UGHHH”

 

“A breakfast buffet, featuring eggs, link sausages, Kix cereal and a HOT BAGEL,” Randy gestures to the vat of just-add-water eggs that festered in the cold air. “If you opt out of the challenge, it’s ALL YOU CAN EAT,” camera shows Tweek groaning into his hands.

 

“Okay, so who’s getting a nice hot breakfast and giving up their chance at immunity?” Randy gestures at the hella food.

 

Henrietta, Tweek, and Kenny all step forward. Pete scowls, glaring at the three opt-outers from behind.

 

_ “My alliance/friend/slampiece are all sleep, what the fuck? Now I have to win immunity.” Pete flips his hair. _

 

The scene changes in a quick transition, cymbals are being smacked, quick shot of Tweek gulping down coffee at the breakfast table as Randy gets all loud, “Survivors ready? Stack them cards!” 

 

Shelly aggressively starts smacking cards down on the table, while Pete takes a much slower approach. Nichole, standing between them, looks between them nervously before placing her first card down, it immediately blows over in the wind. “Fuck,” Nichole’s mouth is blurred.

 

At the bottom of the screen, “twenty minutes later,” appears. Kenny has suffocated after shoving five pancakes in his mouth at the same time.

 

“Shelly is in the lead with a six foot tower, Nichole is in second with five feet, Pete is lagging behind with his tower only being two feet tall.”

 

More ethnic grunting plays as Henrietta dips some french toast in some syrup.

 

_ “Did Henrietta really have to eat? She’s already fat.” Shelly says while cards topple behind her. _

 

Pete makes a strained expression as he slowly places another card.

 

“Pete, trying to take it slow and steady…” Randy narrates, as Pete’s house dissolves. “And it all comes crashing down.”

 

Pete looks like he shat his pants as he instinctively reached his ass pocket for his pack, but then shook it off and started stacking cards again. Henrietta scowls from the buffet table.

 

_ “I could smoke a butt AFTER I get the necklace,” Pete trying to justify his poserness. _

 

A ‘28 minutes elapsed’ caption pops up over the bottom of the screen as rats are shown chewing on Kenny’s corpse. Tweek shaking as he drinks his sixth cup of coffee.

 

Randy shaking his head incredulously. “Shelly is ATTACKING this challenge with an eleven-foot tower, Nichole trailing at 9, with Pete now at four.” Shot of Nichole’s pit-stains as she scrambles up the footstool-ladder to place her next cards.

 

The music kicks up with an ethnic man chanting all like “OOOMAMAMAMA” and the camera cuts to a long shot of all the castaways. “Thirty seconds left!” Randy announces intensely.

 

“Come on, mama,” Nichole mutters to herself, shown in the closed captioning. Shelly bites into her retainer as she pulls cards out of her mouth and cleavage.

 

Suddenly, a plane swoops down into Shelly’s tower killing three thousand. Faint sounds of a woman screaming “RICHAAAARD” as she drowns nearby in Stark’s Pond.

 

“And Shelly’s tower is down! Nichole takes the lead with fifteen seconds left!” Randy shocked as the camera shows Shelly looking irate and Pete biting his lip, picking up the pace.

 

“Three, two, one, and…” Nichole is shown cheering as she throws up her arms. Randy puts his hands up “Nichole wins immunity!”

 

Nichole screams, “Yeah!” While wearing cargo shorts.

 

Randy places the necklace around Nichole’s pony-tailed head as the door of the mangled plane opens.

 

“Oh my god, there was a survivor of the crash!” Henrietta exclaims in a line fed to her by production.

 

The smoke clears and it is Kathy Lee Gifford, protected by her glass bubble.

 

“Oh my god, it’s Kathy Lee Gifford!” Randy shouts, and the castaways all cheer.

 

“Thank you,” she smiles from inside her bubble.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 14**

* * *

_ “Even though I have the necklace, there is still work to do.” Nichole smacks her fists together, “Big S could go! I don’t like the sound of...that.” _

 

Quick shot of Nichole and Shelly scheming near the watering hole.

 

“I got a plan.” Nichole drops the bucket into the water.

 

“Which turd needs to go?” Shelly scratches her gooch impatiently.

 

_ “It might be me tonight if those retards realize that I am a threat,” Shelly rests in between two trees in a hammock. “I’m banking on the fact that the gays are still bitter about Craig going. I took a high risk in voting out Craig, hopefully I get my high reward.”  _

 

“We tell Tweek that Kenny is going, and we tell Kenny that Tweek is going. Boom!” Nichole shows off her pearly white teeth.

 

Camera switches to a shot of Nichole, Shelly, and Henrietta walking along the shore of the pond from behind.

 

Nichole turns to Henrietta with a shrewd expression. “Now I know we need to keep ya boy Pete, so who should it be tonight?”

 

“I don’t give a shit, honestly, Pete can go whenever,” Henrietta gives the camera a stank expression as the other girls can’t see.

 

_ “They think I’d never write Pete’s name down,” Henrietta crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. “That’s cute.” _

 

Tweek is busy off with Pete smoking hella cigs and looking really high on caffeine.

 

_ Tweek looking down at the ground where someone shat a few hours earlier. “I really should have played for immunity today, but my caffeine addiction prevented me from doing so. Now I have to turn this game around.” _

 

“Please sir!” Tweek is on his knees, “I’d do anything to stay.”

 

_ “This island just does things to you, man.” Pete dramatically looks to the ground. _

 

The jovial gong sound effect plays as Pete’s dong enter Tweek’s mouth.

 

Camera shows several colorful birds flying away nearby as the grunts of lovemaking are heard.

 

Swirling shot comes to rest on Pete and Tweek laying naked on some leaves. “You know,” Pete narrows his eyes as he lights a cigarette. “Right now we could make the biggest move of the game, and vote out Shelly.”

 

Tweek’s eyes light up. “She’ll probably win the rest of the challenges anyway! This is our last chance.”

 

_ “Becoming a giant slut really has worked in my favor.” Tweek states while his hair bristled from the wind.  _

 

Kenny is busy jacking off while Nichole interrupts him by stumbling through the bushes.

 

“Oh good! Kenny, the vote is Tweek.” Nichole brushes some foliage off her tit.

 

_ “That black bitch ruined my jizzing routine.” Kenny dourly squats to take a dump, “I miss my meth lab/parent’s house.” _

 

Tweek washed away his new cummies in Stark's Pond when Shelly creeped up on him scaring the shit out of him. 

 

“Hey Tweek, the vote is Kenny.” Tweek bewildered was like “Say what?”

 

Shelly just ominously nodded and left him alone.

 

The scene shifted to Pete ruffling his hair while walking in the forest with a plump Henrietta. 

 

“You good about the vote?” Pete cleared his throat. 

 

“Yeah, sure,” Henrietta noncommittally tosses her roach starting a small fire. 

 

“Henri, can you not be a cunt for a second? Your vote really matters tonight.” Pete angrily stops walking as Henrietta leaves him in the dust.

 

_ “I’m tired as hell of people trying to tell me how powerful my vote is,” Henrietta sighing wistfully as camera cuts to a shot of Nichole looking disenfranchised. _

 

_ “I’m PISSED.” Pete looking hella deranged in his tight pants. _

 

Frantic track playing as Pete is shown scrambling through the woods. He finds Kenny still jerking off.

 

_ “And next thing I know, the goth fag is up in my business again telling me that Stan’s bulldyke sister has to go,” Kenny making bug eyes at the camera. “Bang bang!” _

 

“That’s the plan, TRUST, Kenny, TRUST.” Pete begging like a sub.

 

Kenny puts a muscular working-class hand on his chin. “I’d believe Tweek will do it, his desperate little twink ass is on the bottom. Who’s the last vote?”

 

Jumpshot to Tweek trying to talk Henrietta down. “You have so much to live for Henrietta, the game is almost over, it’s the END GAME!!”

 

Camera shows Henrietta throwing the last of her cigarettes into Stark’s Pond.

 

_ “I’m ready to kill myself,” The soundtrack deepens as Henrietta sighs, “There is really no point to life anymore.” _

 

The shot lingers on Henrietta attempting to drown herself in Stark’s Pond. 

 

Pete’s rat ass appearing yet again on the scene. “Henrietta you just need to vote for like TEN MINUTES.”

 

Henrietta’s fat tits emerging from the pond long enough for her to retort, “You don’t even care that I threw out the cigs you fucking poser.”

 

Nichole and Shelly have their torches resting on their shoulders, “C’MON TURDS, MY DAD SAYS WE HAVE TO GO!” Shelly screams at her tribe mates.

 

_ “I’m tired of relying on her,” Pete hormonally sneering into the camera. “If there was more time in the day I would seriously consider voting her out as an act of providence. Now it could be me tonight!” _

 

_ “We should have this vote in the bag-uh, but in this game who knows,” Nichole slowly shaking her head, camera cuts to her confidently striding to tribal carrying her torch, the immunity necklace bouncing against her bosom. “But you know it ain’t me tonight!” _

 

_ “Pete’s in the driver’s seat for this vote,” Kenny’s nips are erect as the sun sets dramatically for this confessional, “It’s good to switch positions in the bedroom AND in the game of Survivor.” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Day 14**

* * *

The final six drudge through the slush and into their seats.

 

“Before we begin, let’s bring in the members of our jury, Towelie, Wendy, Bebe, Cartman, and Craig voted out at the last tribal council.” Craig still looking hella stank and bitter as Randy didactically spoke.

 

Nichole pushes her breasts out to show off the fandangled necklace she earned, “So Nichole, you’re safe tonight, how does that affect your vote since normally everyone votes for you...because of your blackness.” Randy hella trails on.

 

“WELL, I’m feeling gucci as fuck. SIR.” Nichole smirks. 

 

“So does that mean you’re in power now? Have you flipped the script on systematic racism?”

 

“I live day by day in this game, Randy,” Nichole making drawn-out circular motions with her hand.

 

“It’s a race! Rapido! Rapido!” Towelie yells from the jury.

 

Whistling sound effect as Randy cuts him off, “Towelie brings up an interesting point. Tweek, in this race to the finish, how do you position yourself with the best odds?”

 

Tweek takes his skinny little hand off his mouth, leaning forward. “I’ve had to adapt to stay safe, the path to the end is NOT straight,” camera shows Nichole rolling her eyes. 

 

“Shelly, you came awfully close to winning immunity today before flight 7 crashed into your card building, do you feel safe tonight?” 

 

“Frankly Dad, I don’t.” The camera closes up on Bebe gasping. “Anyone can go. Tonight is the first night that I feel scared for my life in this game.” Shelly feeds into production’s hand.

 

“Henrietta, you don’t look excited about any of this. What are your chances of surviving this vote?”

 

Henrietta looks up for the first time, her eyes looking puffy as fuck. “Zero percent Randy, I’m killing myself after I cast my vote.” Ominous dinging sound as camera shows Tweek gasping and Shelly narrowing her eyes.

 

“Now Henrietta, with so few votes until the end, don’t you think--”

 

“I’m not ALLOWED to think out here Randy, from day one I have been nothing but a piece of meat for these mass consumers to fight over,” Henrietta explains melodramatically, camera shows Wendy holding up a fist in solidarity. “You deny me a goddamn tampon, you make me watch that blonde slut birth a retarded abomination child, and now I can’t get the fucking cap off, and I still have five people screaming at me telling me who to vote,” explosive moaning sound effect as the camera shows Tweek, Shelly, and Kenny’s unnerved reactions in quick succession.

 

“Let’s help Henrietta out by voting as soon as possible.” Pete nods assisting Henrietta’s suicide.

 

“Oh boy, uh Shelly, you’re up first.” Randy’s bias showing through.

 

Shelly’s kankles are very noticeable as she walks up to vote, “You’re getting too comfortable with that dick in your mouth.” 

 

Tweek is shaking from all the commotion at tribal, he votes in a blase manner.

 

Kenny holds up a [Shelly] vote, “I wanna floss with ya jugular.” 

 

Nichole making a shiesty face at all the drama as she scoots over to the urn. “It’s getting  _ good _ .” She votes. 

 

Pete sighs and flips his hair like a faggot while he votes.

 

Henrietta votes for [Kenny] as well as ties a noose in the meantime. “I hope you’re fucking happy.”

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” Randy looks slightly perturbed at Henrietta’s knotwork. 

 

Nichole holds the necklace in front of her face, protecting herself as Randy retrieves the urn.

 

“This is your LAST fucking chance to play an idol,” Randy grandstands. Nobody does nothing because ain’t no idols.

 

“Once the votes are read the decision is final,” Randy says dramatically as a wide-angle shot shows all of the castaways and atonic gongs are heard.

 

“First vote…” [Shelly] Shelly scowls a little, crossing her gooch.

 

“Pow!” sound effect as the next vote is unfolded. [Kenny]. Kenny rolls his eyes.

 

“Next vote…” [Kenny], “Two votes Kenny, one vote Shelly,” shot of Pete and Shelly both looking nonplussed.

 

Randy grins as he reveals the next vote, [Shelley], spelled incorrectly. Shelly narrows her eyes more, as Nichole’s expression hardens as she continues to shield herself with the immunity necklace. “We’re tied, two votes Shelly, two votes Kenny.”

 

Blindside-esque music building up as Randy slowly reveals the next vote, [Shelly]. “That’s three votes Shelly, two votes Kenny, one vote left,” Shelly looks murderous as Tweek puts his face in his hands.

 

“Last vote…” [Kenny], “We’re tied,” Pete shown looking perturbed, he turns and glares at Henrietta, who is tightening her noose. Kenny goes flaccid.

 

“As per the rules of survivor, we will now revote, Kenny and Shelly you cannot vote this time, the rest of you must vote for either Kenny or Shelly,” Randy explains as he rubs his hands together.

 

Pete shoots a death glare at the girls, “Think about what you’re doing.” 

 

Henrietta immediately shouts, “I’m going to fucking rocks. I’m not scared of death OR of rocks.” 

 

Shelly chuckles, turning back to look at Pete savagely. “What voting out your slampiece?” Camera shows Tweek looking constipated.

 

Kenny rebuts with, “Shelly is strong you guys, and also a man.”

 

“Enough,” Randy bangs his dick on the table. “Nichole, take this here urn.”

 

Nichole ethnically carrying the urn back to the table on her head, she scathingly casts a vote. “Are you waitin on me to DIE?”

 

Pete brushing his gay hair out of his face as he leans on the table pensively. “This is the moment that counts.”

 

Tweek just holds his vote up and goes “AHH!” before shoving it in the urn.

 

“See you at the welfare store, slut.” Henrietta drunkenly writes down [Kenny] again.

 

“I’ll go tally the votes,” beads of sweat running down Randy’s face as he retrieves the urn again, he shadily glances at Nichole so as to imply she should just get it again.

 

“Once the votes are read, the decision is final,” Randy talks loudly over the deafening soundtrack.

 

“First vote,” [Shelly] Shelly begins to clutch her gooch.

 

“Second vote,” [Kenny] “We’re tied,” Randy pointlessly narrates.

 

“Next vote…” [Kenny], Pete shaking his head condescendingly as the caption shows him muttering “R tards.”

 

“Last vote…. And the fifteenth person voted out of South Park,” [Kenny], “Bring me your torch.”

 

Kenny hangs his head as the super-emotional exit track plays, Pete shown shedding a tear in hysteria as Tweek buries his head in his crotch. Shelly exhales, cracking her neck.

 

Kenny trips and falls into the fire as he bring his torch to Randy, he is heard screaming as the fire rages. “Kenny, the tribe has spoken,” Randy shakes his head in mourning.

 

“With more than half of the jury being full, it’s time to think about the...ENDGAME.” Randy ominously disappears into the Marsh house.

 

_ The final words music plays as Kenny’s charred corpse is shown being eaten by rats. _

 

**_ON THE TWO PART SURVIVOR FINALE…_ **

**_THE FINAL FIVE CASTAWAYS BATTLE IT OUT TO WIN THE HUNDRED DOLLARS_ **

**_Will it be..._ **

* * *

_ Henrietta, the lost soul? “I swear to fucking God if Pete asks me about another vote, I’m going to pull out his eyes and shit in his eye sockets.” _

 

_ Nichole, the black sheep? “I have a twenty percent chance to win the game, that’s way more than what Affirmative Action normally gets me.”  _

 

_ Pete, the dark horse? “I can’t believe I made it, I still have flashbacks from the beginning of the game. I’ve come so far, I can’t lose now.” _

 

_ Shelly, the strong whoa man? “I can easily beat these turds and win my way to the end, like look at these guns.” She flexes. _

 

_ Tweek, the hyperactive spaz? “AH! Fuck yes! I’m so excited for the end game!” _


	15. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing Part I

Randy stands on the New York soundstage in front of a live studio audience, “Previously...on Survivor!” The crowd cheers. 

 

“The season began with twenty young South Park residents beginning an adventure of a lifetime.” The shot of everyone looking clean and fresh as they get split up into their tribes. 

 

“The game began with the goth kids being the obvious weak tribe.” A shot of Michael kicking a rock. “This lead to Vampir being the first boot.” Vampir’s torch getting snuffed.

 

“After the second immunity, idols came into play,” montage of Bebe, Kenny, Tweek, and Henrietta finding their respective idols. 

 

“Towelie immediately became target number one on day two, however Tweek cracked Token’s alliance making the Blue Tribe look hella racist.” Token’s torch gets snuffed. 

 

“On the overlooked Pink Tribe, Shelly totally molested Red, nevertheless Red’s racist remarks and anorexic antics lead to the only unanimous vote so far.” Red’s torch gets snuffed. 

 

“The goth tribe couldn’t keep up with Henrietta’s period and went to rocks.” Michael’s torch gets snuffed even though no one ever even voted for his pale ass.

 

The second titty twist happened, everyone dropped their buffs and ran to be the captains of the new Blue and Yellow tribes. Wendy and Cartman were the ones who got to dictate who joined their tribe. Wendy’s Yellow tribe quickly disobeyed her by voting out weak Firkle over super liability Towelie. Meanwhile Henrietta made a big move by correctly idoling out minion Butters.” Back to back shots of Firkle and Butters getting their torches snuffed. 

 

“Nichole and Henrietta decided that they needed to throw the next challenge and their titties out to eliminate Cartman. In a twist of fate, Kyle was blindsided.” Kyle gets his torch snuffed. 

 

“This lead to another loss where Clyde was then tossed out by his perceived best friend Craig.” Clyde crying as his fire goes out. 

 

“Towelie’s self destruction then took the Yellow tribe by storm. Kenny pitying the poor towel negated the four votes against him while Tweek paranoidly wasted his idol in the biggest blindside yet.” Stan’s torch gets snuffed. 

 

“Once the merge hit so did Bebe’s pregnancy. Towelie’s raping came back to haunt him, finally ending his cockroach legacy.” Towelie’s torch gets snuffed.  

 

“After this Cartman was not done winning out his rivalries, finally eliminating strategic feminazi Wendy,” Wendy’s torch get snuffed. 

 

“Another blunder leads to Bebe protecting Pete and falling on the sword for him.” Bebe’s torch gets snuffed. 

 

“Sick of being associated as Cartman’s lackey, Shelly plunged the knife in his back.” Cartman’s torch gets snuffed. 

 

“Shelly successfully ousting the head of the snake rattled the gay boys. In another crazy vote, Craig took the bullet.” Craig’s torch gets snuffed. 

 

“Finally, last episode Nichole and Shelly hatched a plan to pit Kenny and Tweek against each other. It only worked on Tweek and that was enough to send Kenny out.” Shot of Kenny being burned alive.

 

“Five are left, who will be the sole survivor?” The crowd cheers even louder than before.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 15**

* * *

The castaways stumble into camp while their dimly lit torches lead them back to their ramshackle fort.

 

_ “I have to rethink my game plan now,” Pete heavily inhales his nicotine cigarette, “Having to rely on Henrietta was my Plan B, but I fear that might also fall through.” _

 

Camera focuses on Pete squinting in the distance before zooming out to reveal Henrietta and Nichole dragging in a net of fish from the pond. Nichole squawks in surprise at seeing all the fish.

 

_ “Last nights vote only proved that we are in the driver’s seat,” Nichole’s skin looking hella clear as she hacks at a branch with the machete. “The gay illuminati has been VANQUISHED.” _

 

Not much is said as Shelly stokes a large fire to roast some Cheesy Poofs on. 

 

_ “Changing my mind like that last night really bothers me,” Tweek scratching his scalp vigorously, “The girls now have us outnumbered and I’m worried that I just blew it.” _

 

Jumpcut to Pete and Tweek sucking on each other’s dickies in desperation. Pete removes Tweek’s dick from his mouth to blandly strategize, “We need to win immunity tomorrow morning.” 

 

A popping noise is heard as Tweek frees his mouth. “Big S has it all lined up to win!”

 

_ “We might as well just vote for a winner now!” Tweek pulls a lock of hair out. _

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 15**

* * *

Shot of Henrietta moving the butt to collect rain water.

 

Shelly’s deep voice booms through the camp, “We got tree mail!”

 

“It says, that the challenge will be...a marble race!” Shelly raises a brow skeptically.

 

_ “This might be a retarded challenge that a turd could beat me at,” Shelly cracking her knuckles under her muted purple mittens, flashing a smirk. “But I don’t think I’ll be needing that necklace tonight.” _

 

_ “The treemail was really cryptic, I don’t think anyone really knows what to expect,” Pete sweeps his overgrown hair out of his face. _

 

Pete and Henrietta awkwardly cutting a cigarette by the fire. “I feel like I have to win today,” Pete says as he passes it to the bigger girl.

 

“Fat chance,” Henrietta chortles, the shot revealing her foopah.

 

_ “Let’s just be honest, Pete has been a poser since day 1 of this game,” Henrietta shaking her head with resignation. “I’m tired of his whining when he knows he has nothing to be afraid of.” _

 

“All I’m saying is, I would never write your name down Henri,” Pete sputters, evoking a guttural chortle from Henrietta as she put the cigarette out on her vag.

 

“You’re so good at this game, Pete,” she side-eyes him stankly as ominous bell chimes play.

 

_ “We’re so close to the end now, I can’t let this slip through my fingers,” Pete tapping his foot with thirst. _

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Day 15**

* * *

“Come on in guys!” Randy motions the final five into the big arena with an oversized marble run sitting in the middle.

 

“Nichole, I’m going to need the necklace back.” Randy snaps his fingers at Nichole.

 

_ “She took the necklace and THREW the necklace,” Shelly says and under her name it just reads ‘she’s gay’. _

 

After picking up the necklace and brushing off the snow, Randy began, “For today’s challenge, you will be playing in a marble race! Shelly will have the blue marble, Pete will have the red marble, Tweek will have the yellow marble, Nichole will have the purp marble, and Henrietta will have the black marble.”

 

Randy gets his gun ready in one hand and is ready to drop the marbles in the large, swirly contraption with his other hand, “Marbles ready? Go!” He shoots.

 

Intense ethnic moaning as the collision of marbles is heard, Shelly is shown frowning in the sunlight as Tweek bounces nervously next to her.

 

_ “I was scared for my life white cameraman,” Nichole is shown sitting by Stark’s Pond.  _

 

The camera follows the purple marble, edging ahead of the other four in its spiraling path. Nichole is pictured making fists with anticipation. Then the red marble inches ahead and Nichole’s all like “RULLY?”

 

Pete tries to keep a poker face, taking a prolonged drag of his cigarette as Henrietta glares at him. Meanwhile, Shelly’s eyes remain glued to her blue marble.

 

_ “I hate this stupid challenge, I could probably cream these turds in anything,” Shelly spitting in the pond. “This shouldn’t be a game of random chance.” _

 

The yellow marble gets stuck behind the other marbles, Tweek is all like “Ah!”

 

_ “This is the best shot I have at winning immunity, I suck!” Tweek winces. _

 

“It’s a race between purp, red, and blue!” Randy exclaims, as the camera shows a quick shot of Henrietta’s fat marble lagging behind. “It’s the final lap! Which marble will fall out first!?”

 

A montage of Shelly, Nichole, and Pete all looking expectant and constipated.

 

Gasps through the crowd as Tweek’s stagnant ball began rolling straight downward, toward the middle. He starts jumping up and down expectantly.

 

“Tweek coming from behind!” Randy stroking his dicke.

 

The sound of a marble hitting the snow signifies that challenge is DONE. D O N E, DONE.

 

“And the winner is...blue! Congratulations Shelly!” Randy runs over to hug his daughter.

 

“Fuck yeah dad I did it!” Shelly crushes her father.

 

_ “I can easily beat these turds and win my way to the end, like look at these guns.” Shelly flexes her gross arms.  _

 

_ “Once again, the plan goes completely awry,” Tweek throws up his hands exasperatedly. “I don’t know if I can get out of this one!” _

 

“Well get the fuck out, I’ll see you at tribal council tonight.” Randy motions for them to leave.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 15**

* * *

_ “Shelly winning the immunity, I’m so proud of my girl, but it might not really help me.” Nichole pensively drawing out the vote plan in the snow, “I have a twenty percent chance to win the whole game, that’s way more than what Affirmative Action normally gets me.” _

 

Jaunty tribal music plays as Tweek pursues Nichole walking through the forest.

 

_ “At this point, every vote counts, Nichole has the most… differences from the other two girls,” Tweek pressing his hands together. _

 

“I hear what you’re saying!” Nichole overwhelmed.

 

“It’s just, do you really think either of those… girls will take you?” Tweek walking on eggshells.

 

_ “Everyone’s trust is being tested now, and it may be true that you can’t trust anyone,” Nichole smiling at the camera. “But my faith in the Lord is unshakeable.” _

 

Pete and Henrietta are smoking on everyone’s laundry, “Look, I think we need Nichole to go.” Pete bluntly makes the plan to Henrietta who looks very disinterested.

 

_ “I swear to fucking God, if Pete asks me about another fucking vote, I’m going to pull out his eyes and shit in his eyes sockets.” Henrietta tosses her cigarette butt. _

 

Henrietta fakely smiles, “Sure,”

 

_ Laid over a shot of Tweek making a discreet hand motion at Pete to cash him in the woods to suck dicke, “Tweek has been, is, and always will be a loose cannon in this game,” Pete laughing, his face reddened. “We may be on the wrong side of the numbers, I can’t have him risking our position.” _

 

Shelly and Nichole wait until the camp is clear before making any moves. “OK, Big S, what’s the plan?” Nichole earnestly asks while hugging her knees.

 

_ “It’s very delicate, because if we target one of the goths, we will need the twitchy boy’s vote, however if we vote Tweek we might have to go to a tiebreaker at four.” Shelly and her moustache nod at her prediction. _

 

The camera shows Henrietta stretching her titties a distance away from the other girls. “I think we can trust her,” Nichole looking at Shelly earnestly. Camera shows Shelly’s unchanged expression.

 

Henrietta totters over sipping some drank from her canteen, “Yo H, the plan is Tweek. Is that g?” Nichole’s cleavage reflects the sun.

 

“Yeah, I guess,” She tumbles into the camp for a nap.

 

_ “Mines and Big S’s big fear is that H might never vote out her friend Pete,” Nichole wipes some sweat off of her big forehead. “But it’s comin on down to it, and we’re gonna run out of hussies to vote out first!” _

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 15**

* * *

“Come on in guys,” Randy narrates while the final five put their torches in the hole. “Let’s bring in the jury, Towelie, Wendy, Bebe, Cartman, Craig, and the last person voted out, Kenny.” Kenny looking fresh with his new body and nip piercings.

 

“So Shelly, how does it feel with the necklace around your neck?” Randy shows favor.

 

“Well Dad, I was worried that the challenge would be a turd and out of my hands.” She pauses, “But God is on my side. Thanks God.”

 

Tweek nervously frowns, “Tweek, looking at who’s left, are the chances that it’s you high tonight?”

 

“Randy...I think so. I think it’s my time tonight.” He begins to tear up, “With Kenny gone, it’s clear who has the power in this tribe,” funeral bell effect as camera shows Kenny looking nonplussed, followed by Shelly looking stank in the necklace.

 

“And who is that?” Randy prods.

 

“It’s a peenie-slaughter, Randy!” the volume of Tweek’s voice increasing. Wendy looking amused on the jury with her feminist bangs. Nichole rolls her eyes in a very extra fashion.

 

“Now Pete, you have a penis, how does this make you feel?” Randy indulges.

 

“Pretty gay, it could be me tonight, but I trust in my alliance,” Pete trying to remain nonchalant, followed by a shot of Henrietta non-reacting, as Nichole stares into the flames.

 

“Well it’s time to vote, Shelly, you know what to do.” 

 

Shelly heads up to vote, “You’ve been the lynchpin for the opposing side this whole time. I should have struck sooner.”

 

Pete desperately needing a haircut writes down a name fervently. “It’s a long shot, but if there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on in this game, it’s me.”

 

Nichole chewing the scenery as she looks hella confused, leaning against the table as she considers her vote. “Is it time to be snakin?”

 

Tweek panics and poorly scribbles a barely legible name on the parchment. “Sorry, but my life's in danger!”

 

Henrietta smokes heavily masquerading her vote from the camera. “Whoops.”

 

Randy waits for Henrietta’s fat ass to sit back down, “I’ll go tally the votes.”

 

The camera pans and the soundtrack begins to sound like two hefty men railing each other. 

 

“Once the votes are read, the person with the most will have to fucking leave. I’ll read the votes.”

 

“First vote,”

 

[Pete]

 

Pete looks bewildered.

 

“Second vote,”

 

[Nichole]

 

She nods.

 

“Next Vote,”

 

[Pete]

 

He frowns, Tweek gasps realizing that he’s safe. Henrietta smiling with bemusement.

 

[Nichole]

 

“We are tied, two votes Pete, two votes Nichole, one vote left.”

 

Nichole and Pete both on the edge of their seats.

 

“And the sixteenth person voted out of Survivor: South Park and the seventh member of our jury…”

 

[Nichole]

 

“Nichole, I’m going to need your torch.” Randy is secretly giddy that the black girl is finally out.

 

Henrietta speaks up, “Why did you lie to me? I would have voted for Pete.”

 

Nichole doesn’t say nothing back though as the blindside sound effect plays.

 

“Nichole, the tribe has spoken.” He snuffed her torch, “However, head to the jury bench, we are having the final four immunity RIGHT NOW.”

 

**Immunity Challenge**

**Night 15**

* * *

 

 

Tweek’s head darts around all like “What??”

 

“That’s right, before tonight is over we will play another immunity challenge, right here, at tribal council,” Randy points at the floor. “And somebody else will join the jury.”

 

Pete’s eyebrows rise dramatically as Shelly grips the necklace with primal instinct.

 

A jumpcut shows the final four with little dry erase boards and Randy got the necklace back from Shelly.

 

“We will be playing jury trivia, I will ask seven questions each one about a different jury member. The person who gets the most correct will win immunity and have a one in three shot of winning the hundred dollars.” 

 

Everyone nods and understands. “Okay, first question is about Nichole, what is her favorite drink?”

 

The final four furiously write down answers. Randy smiles, “Reveal.”

 

“Tweek answered with Orange Fanta, Pete said, Watermelon something, Henrietta rolls her eyes with Water, and Shelly said specifically Dasani Water. Nichole, the correct answer is?”

 

Nichole still dirty and kinda pissed about being voted out retorts, “Yeah, it’s Dasani Water.” 

 

Randy pontificates, “Shelly and Henrietta both have one point. Next question, how many times has Kenny died on the island?”

 

Everyone's all like say what?

 

“Shelly reveals zero, Henrietta says ten, Pete wrote eleven, and Tweek said three. We will give a point to the person closest without going over, the correct answer was fifteen. Everyone has a point except for Tweek.” Tweek pouts gaily.

 

“Third question, what is Craig’s guinea pig named?” Tweek beams.

 

“Reveal, Shelly and Pete both put I don’t know, Henrietta wrote, ‘Fuzzy Piece of Shit’ and Tweek got it right with ‘Stripe’. Everyone is tied at one.” Randy pointlessly talks.

“Next question, how fat is Eric Cartman? Closest without going over will get the point.” Randy smirks while Cartman yells all like “Hey you guys!!”

 

“Henrietta wrote, 225, Pete just wrote fat, Shelly said 300, and Tweek wrote 185. The correct answer is...240! Henrietta steals the point!”

 

She smirks, Pete’s skinny ass looking defeated next to her.

 

“Next question, what is Bebe most proud of?”

 

The contestants seem a bit confused, especially Tweek.

 

“Henrietta wrote her abomination spawn, Shelly reveals her child, Pete wrote her virgin (?) pussy, Tweek said her boobs.”

 

Randy scratches his chin, “The correct answer is...Dishrag! Henrietta and Shelly are tied at two while Pete and Tweek have one.”

 

Cartman screams “Her baby is dead!” Bebe is hella sad.

 

“Okay next question, What is Wendy’s favorite gender?”

 

“Henrietta wrote vagina, Shelly wrote girls, Pete said females, and Tweek said none with a question mark.”

 

“The correct answer is neither! She’s a feminist duh, Tweek, Henrietta, and Shelly are all tied with two, while Pete only has one.”

 

“The final question is how old is Towelie? The closest without going over will get the point and most likely win immunity!”

 

“Shelly said twelve, Henrietta wrote sixteen, Pete said twenty-one, and Tweek reveals thirty.”

 

“The correct answer is...seventeen in towel years! Henrietta, congratulations you win immunity!” The music swells as Henrietta stands up to get the necklace around her beefy neck.

 

“Henrietta, are you surprised to be the one person here, with a one in three shot at the prize money?” Randy tilts his head sentimentally.

 

Henrietta frowns. “Uh, yeah, I guess I can win a challenge even if I’m a little bigger than the others,” the camera lingers on Cartman sitting on the jury.

 

“Well, Pete does this change anything?” Randy dumbly asks the remaining contestants, waving his hands awkwardly.

 

“Yeah, Mr. Marsh, Shelly doesn’t have immunity, she needs to go.” Pete pipes up. Shelly gives him a death glare.

 

“Shelly, feeling a little less safe without that necklace mya?” Randy toys with his daughter.

 

Shelly flares up immediately. “Well Tweek, I’m not voting you so please don’t vote for me, either of them won’t take you to final two,” she defends herself, spitting a little because of her braces. Climactic drum beat as the camera dramatically cuts to the two goth kids sitting on one side of the area, segregated.

 

“You don’t know that.” Henrietta smiles with the necklace.

 

Tweek just stutters under his breath. Randy swoops in on him predatorily. “Nervous for the vote tonight, Tweek?”

 

Tweek screams briefly. “I’m loyal to the people that I’m with,” he stammers as Shelly slams her puss down impatiently next to him.

 

“Y’all please vote for Pete, he’s going to win the game if you let him in the final two. Don’t be turds ugh!” Shelly scowls, glaring at her tribe mates in menstrual rage.

 

Towelie from the jury is all like “Yeah!” 

 

“Henrietta,” Randy presses as the camera cuts to a close-up of her oblong form in a swing votely fashion. “What is your criteria for the vote tonight?”

 

“We are all just stumbling through darkness,” Henrietta looks up dully, the fire making the bags under her eyes glow eerily.

 

“It looks like I don't even need to ask anything, are you all good to vote?”

 

Henrietta shrugs her shoulders. 

 

“Alright, Henrietta you're up first.”

 

Henrietta signs a name and also writes a poem in the bottom corner. ‘I'm god, you're god, we are all god.’

 

Shelly is next, [Pete] “This is it.”

 

Tweek brushes some of his wild hair back before casting his vote.

 

Pete is last and he appears shaken, “I hope I can trust you Henri, it should be us in the end.”

 

Randy ominously posing with his hands behind his back, “I’ll go tally the votes.”

 

Quick shot of Tweek, Pete, and Shelly all looking nervous in various angles.

 

“Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The person voted out will have to leave and go into my house. I’ll read the votes.”

 

“First vote,” Randy frowns.

 

[Shelly]

 

“Second vote,” 

 

[Pete]

 

“Next vote,”

 

[Shelly]

 

Randy sighs, “And the seventeenth person voted out and eighth member of our jury,”

 

[Shelly]

 

Shelly is furious, her face is red and she stomps to grab her torch.

 

“Shelly, I’m sorry the tribe has spoken.” Randy snuffed her torch.

 

Shelly tosses her torch at the castaways like a javelin, however she misses and it pierces Kenny’s neck, killing him. Shelly runs into the house screaming “Mom!!! I’m starving!”

 

“Well that was a ride, get the fuck out. I’ll see you for the final immunity challenge tomorrow.” Randy storms inside and slams the backdoor.

 

_ “Those turds, I was so damn close.” Shelly picks up a lamp and throws it against the wall. The Marsh house begins to flood with Shelly’s period.  _

 

Randy walks out on the New York soundstage dressed all nice, making a dismayed face as the camera shows Kenny’s body spurting blood. “That’s gotta hurt!” The crowd goes wild.

 

“Two tribal councils down, one to go and then it’s down to two!” Randy said hispanically, pandering to that demographic.

 

**STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO OF THE SURVIVOR: SOUTH PARK FINALE.**


	16. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing Part II

Randy jumps out from behind some fake ass bushes on the sound stage, “I hope you liked those commercials! Now let’s get back to the action!” The crowd starts bum rushing the stage.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 15**

* * *

Pete grabs Tweek and Henrietta in for a hug. “Thanks for staying loyal guys.” Henrietta looks nauseated to the gooch. “Final three!”

 

_Laid over Tweek looking tired as he lays on the shelter, “Everybody thought I was weak from the beginning, and now here I am beside the two loser goth kids,” camera reveals Tweek’s eyes wide open in the night vision lens, “Pete still has a fine dicke though.”_

 

The boys leave to “chill” in the woods, leaving Henrietta alone by the dying embers of the fire as a Peruvian flute plays in the background.

 

_“Pete thinks he’s so slick for still being here.” Henrietta angrily files her fingernails, “He’s such a poser, I hate him.”_

 

Jumpcut to some slow jazz music as Tweek confirms the final two with a dick in his butt.

 

_“I really feel good, no matter what happens at the final immunity I think I’m going to be sitting at the final tribal council.” Pete flashes a gay smile._

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 16**

* * *

Henrietta is alerted by production to get the post coitus sluts to have some hot breakfast. “Hey, you guys! We have food!!!”

 

_“Before they let us eat they forced us on a scale to show how much weight we lost.” Henrietta frowns._

 

Pete steps on the small scale, “Wow I lost fifteen pounds.” He’s looking slim thin now, no longer slim thick.

 

Tweek’s gaunt little ass is next, “I only weigh ninety pounds!”

 

_“That’s the thinnest I have ever been! Jesus Christ! I hope I’m not anorexic now.” Tweek’s bare shoulder pops out._

 

A pissed Henrietta waddles onto the scale showing that she barely lost anything.

 

_“I guess I’ll always be fat.” Henrietta slumped on her side in a neat confessional._

 

Profile shot of Tweek awakening brightly with a big cup of coffee, standing erect.

 

_“There’s only three of us left, meaning it’s time to burn down our campsite and pay tribute to those who went before us,” Tweek smiling._

 

Henrietta’s black-painted lips curve into a smile as she clicks her fancy lighter and drops it on the shelter, igniting it.

 

_“Nothing made me happier than watching my cage burn,” Henrietta’s eyelashes flutter youthfully._

 

Time lapse shows the little shelter burning up, then the final three gathering their torches and filing away. Tweek looks back wistfully, shedding a tear.

 

_“I really grew as a person here,” Tweek’s eyes glowing in the camera as the tag of his shirt is visible._

 

Against his will, Pete reads the note production handed to him, “Before you compete in your final immunity, you must press f to pay respects to the seventeen people you had a hand in voting out.”

 

_“All these conformists thought a goth could never do it,” Pete grandstanding in the confessional. “I’ll relish stepping on their graves, and they’ll still vote me to win the million dollars.”_

 

“Lame.” Henrietta begins walking ahead of Tweek and Pete.

 

The camera closes up on Vampir’s torch.

 

“I remember this fag.” Henrietta crosses her arms while Tweek shrugs. Pete winces with discomfort.

 

_Flashback to Vampir jumping from behind the tree and hissing. “Even though I didn’t last very long, I still think this was a positive experience, per say.”_

 

They approach the next torch, the tag reading ‘Token’.

 

“Token,” Henrietta reads. “He was black, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Tweek frowns.

 

_Slow-motion flashback to Token getting heated at tribal. “As a black man, my chances in this game were significantly lower. I’m proud of myself, this game really showed people’s true colors.”_

 

They continue to move on through the trail production made for them. The camera zooms in on Red’s name tag.

 

“Who was Red?: Pete scratches his head.

 

Tweek and Henrietta shrug their shoulders.

 

 _“Survivor really ruined my life, I will never forget Shelly’s rough hands around me…” Red shutters over the shot of her throwing rocks into the ocean._  

 

Tweek struggles carrying two torches, he shakes.

 

“Next is Michael,” Pete sighs, “He left too soon.”

 

Henrietta nods, but gives a neat stank face.

 

_Montage of Michael smiling, being pulled in the water, running across the balance beam, “Survivor was pretty gay and conformist. That’s it, leave me alone.”_

 

The continue on approaching two torches this time, the tags read Butters and Firkle.

 

Pete looks mortified feeling terribly guilty about being a turncoat as Tweek picks up Firkle’s torch.

 

“Poor Firkle,” Henrietta says as she purposefully says nothing about Butters.

 

_“Despite hating my Survivor experience, I oddly wish I could do it over again, huh.” Firkle is only shown smoking in his flashbacks._

 

_“Oh hamburgers! I went so early, my parents grounded me. Professor Chaos needs a second shot!” Jarring cuts of Butters sucking Kenny’s dick, as well as him jumping up and down at a challenge._

 

“Kyle was chill, I felt bad for him despite the fact he would be a super conformist if he lasted any longer.” Henrietta explained with Tweek eagerly nodding.

 

_“I got bested way sooner than I expected,” Kyle explaining over a shot of him holding his breath for a really long time. “Survivor was brutal and I wish I got to play it longer.”_

 

The sun glistened Tweek and Pete’s pale ass skin as they walked up to grab Clyde’s torch.

 

“I’m pretty sure this kid is retarded.” Pete admitted.

 

_“This game really shows people's true colors,” Clyde still bitter sitting cross-armed as flashbacks play of him melodramatically delivering production-fed lines. “It’s like World War III at camp!”_

 

“Captain America is next huh?” Pete ponders.

 

Tweek snickers, “I wasted my idol, but seeing Stan get fucked over really warmed my gooch.”

 

_“You know what? Fine dad, I’ll say something, I got that purple grape, I can bake a cake.” Stan stank as ever as his blindside is shown._

 

Key change in the background music as Towelie’s torch appears on the horizon. Tweek frowns uncomfortably. “Oh.”

 

_Towelie begins to mumble, “I know I fucked up, it’s okay though...I got high.” The extremely uncomfortable birth scene is shown as Towelie mops up the afterbirth._

 

Tweek smiles when he approaches Wendy’s torch a bit quicker than the Goths.

 

“I really like Wendy,” Tweek says gaily, earning glares from mostly Henrietta.

 

_“Survivor really tested me, and the only portion I failed was having a penis between my legs.” Wendy contemplated, “My wish is to play in a season where it’s gender balanced.” A shot of her building a sandcastle with Stan is shown._

 

Music slows down as Bebe’s torch is approached, camera shows Pete’s dicke shedding a tear.

 

“I thought I knew all there was to know about Bebe, and then she got pregnant,” Henrietta reflects dully.

 

_“I came into this game a little girl and came out a woman,” Bebe with a slight smile, followed by shots of her cartwheeling across the balance beam and holding Dishrag up in the sunlight._

 

Henrietta sees Cartman’s torch and pointedly spits on it.

 

_“Oh my god you guys, this game was rigged.” Cartman fatly accuses, “How dare they disrespect my authiortah.”_

 

Tweek stares at Pete uncomfortably as they approach Craig’s torch before he whispers to himself, “Daddy.”

 

_“I just wish they voted me out sooner, eliminate me!” Craig’s various shots of looking hella stank._

 

A cloud passes over the castaways, leaving Kenny’s torch in shadow. Pete stomps out commemorative cigarette at its base.

 

“Poor Kenny,” Tweek frowned. “He really needed this money.”

 

_“Man, I gotta a lot of dickie out here, if anything I’m glad I at least got cummies out of this.” Montage of Kenny’s deaths set to the sad tribal music._

 

More rhythmic drums are heard weaving into the soundtrack as the final three reach Nichole’s torch.

 

Henrietta just shrugs, “She was my black friend.”

 

_“Survivor really made me realize something, racism always wins.” Nichole flashing just one titty at that one challenge._

 

As the final three walk up to the final torch, Tweek notes, “Shelly was on Pink and then went to Blue.”

 

_“This game was just too full of turds, I feel like I let my dad down by not winning. I will get my vengeance.” Shots of Shelly tugging real hard on the rope in the tug o war challenge._

 

The final three finally arrive at the top of Phil Collins Hill, where a large sling shot pointed towards the sun is set up.

 

Henrietta reads the note that was left to them, “Launch the ones you remembered into the sun!!!”

 

They pack the torches in and let them fly as the soundtrack begins to play the ethnic man orgasming track.

 

Randy pops out from some bushes, “It’s time for the final immunity challenge, Henrietta I’ll take the necklace back,” Randy gently lifts the necklace around Henrietta’s rotund chin as she whispers a satanic prayer into it.

 

“It’s hand on a hard idol, you gonna stand on these perches see? And place one hand on the beautiful necklace. You fall off or let go of the necklace. YOU LOSE. Last person standing gets the final necklace and has a fifty fifty shot of winning the cash money.” Randy explains.

 

Dramatic cut away to some banging drums, the final three are in place.

 

_Camera closes in on Tweek looking determined as he takes his spot. “I’ve had my coffee and I’m feeling great!”_

 

_Henrietta’s fupa flaps in the breeze as she steps onto her spot. “Standing? That’s easy, I do it all the time.” She says sarcastically._

 

_Pete exhaling deeply as he steps up. “I don’t even need to win, they’ll both take me.”_

 

“Survivors ready? It’s on.”

 

The camera spins around Phil Collins Hill to show time passage.

 

“You've been standing up there for about thirty minutes.”

 

Close-up of the idol, showing Henrietta’s fat hand shifting uncomfortably. Randy getting all up in their faces. “Feeling the pain yet, Henrietta?”

 

“Please get away from me,” Henrietta grunts. Her knee audibly cracks.

 

Tweek begins to scream uncontrollably, his whole body convulsing.

 

“What hurts the most, Tweek?” Randy approaches the lithe blond boy predatorily.

 

Tweek’s legs shaking. “M-mmy bussy,” he turns red as Pete smirks across from him.

 

Pete’s all like “Wow, I can't feel my arm.”

 

Another hour passes, Randy takes a dump near them.

 

Tweek suddenly screams, “What was that?” rubbing his head with his free hand.

 

“What?” Henrietta pipes up, shuddering as her focus as broken. Hail starts falling on the castaways, clicking audibly against the top of Phil Collins Hill. Tweek starts screaming uncontrollably again.

 

The tribal chanting in the background intensifies as Randy gets all up in they faces again. “Those posts are gonna get slippery now!” Camera closes-up on Henrietta’s foopa swinging to and fro. Pete winces as Tweek shuts his eyes, wailing in pain.

 

“I can't go on anymore,” melodramatically Pete takes a tumble and is out of the challenge. Gentle piano tones as Randy runs over to help Pete’s fragile fag body over to the bench.

 

“Wow, you made it three hours Pete,” Randy clearly unimpressed as Pete pretends to be sad.

 

Shot shows the face of Phil Collins Hill as the hail storm continues.

 

“We are down to two, peenie versus vagine.” Randy gaily narrates.

 

Two more hours go by, Tweek is still yelling. Henrietta is bleeding from some hailstones in the crevice of her pussy but bites her dark-painted lip through the pain.

 

“I can go all day, all night.” Henrietta smirks.

 

“It's party time woo!” Tweek mutters.

 

“This could be a hundred dollar challenge,” Randy enunciates each word, savoring them as they popped out his mouf. “At this point it’s a question of who wants it more?”

 

Tweek slowly twists his body to face away from the idol, carefully keeping his arm intact.

 

Henrietta makes a move she sucks in a deep breath and then goes, “Boo.”

 

Tweek startled lets his hand that is touching the idol drop like a dumbass, he crumples to the ground crying.

 

“HENRIETTA WINS FINAL IMMUNITY!” She doesn't celebrate much as she nearly falls stepping down from the pedestals, her tits sag when the necklace is placed on her. “You have a fifty fifty shot at winning the money. I hope you make the right decision tonight. Now get the fuck out.”

 

Stunning helicopter shot of the castaways walking away from Phil Collins Hill in the hailstorm.

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Day 16**

* * *

_“I had to win that one… and I blew it,” Tweek looking significantly aged as he attempts to hide his baggy eyes._

 

_“Well Henrietta winning was unexpected, however I'm not disappointed so tribal council should be a breeze.” Pete smokes at the base of a tree._

 

Some ambiguously oriental-sounding plucked string instrument is heard as Henrietta smokes a cigarette by the fire in silence.

 

_“It’s amazing,” Henrietta’s pale face glistening, “neither of the fags have even said a word to me since we got back. I guess everyone knows what’s gonna happen.” Her tiny white people lips part into a hearty grin._

 

Camera shows a bird picking at some nuts on the ground, then out of nowhere Tweek’s blond head pops out from a bush where he was sucking Pete’s dicke.

 

“So I’ll see you around I guess?” Tweek wipes Pete’s cum from his mouth.

 

“Yeah,” Pete says emptily.

 

Dramatic cut to nighttime, a prairie dog is shown choking on a cigarette butt and dying.

 

**Tribal Council**

**Night 16**

* * *

The final three walk into tribal, their torches not giving off as much light due to the hail still smashing them in the gooch.

 

“Take a seat, take a seat right over there.” Randy gestures. “Before we begin let's bring in the jury. Towelie, Wendy, Bebe, Cartman, Craig, Kenny… and booted at the last tribal council, Nichole and Shelly.” They seem surprised that Henrietta won another challenge.

 

“So tonight works a little differently,” Randy patronizes the final three. “Henrietta has the immunity necklace, after a spectacular challenge today atop Phil Collins Hill. Nobody can vote for her. That means Tweek votes Pete, Pete votes Tweek. Cancel each other out. Henrietta holds the sole deciding vote of who joins the other eight jurors.”

 

Bebe coos, excited, her vagina is frothing.

 

“Henrietta, what affects your decision tonight?” Randy asks vaguely.

 

Henrietta shrugs in annoyance. “Uhh, I want one of them out more than the other.”

 

“Pete, Tweek, would you each like to make one last plea to Queen Henrietta?” Randy jokes patronizingly.

 

“Henri, you have known me for the longest time. I remember the emo times. It's cool you don't have to listen to me, but do you really want a conformist in the final 2?” A shot of Tweek wincing at this. As Pete ends his statement by folding his hands into his lap.

 

Tweek takes this as a cue to stumble through a plea, “Uh, yeah take me to the end? I don’t know.” He sighs fairly resigned from the game.

 

Randy nods, bored, “So Henrietta you ready to make a potential hundred dollar decision?”

 

“Yeah, whatever.” She gets up to go to the voting booth.

 

The camera shifts from the jury to Tweek, then Pete.

Henrietta stands at the podium for a few seconds before she writes down a name.

 

It cuts away.

 

“I’ll go tally the vote.”

 

Cartman sneers from the jury. Towelie is rolling a mighty spliff.

 

“Once the vote is read, the decision is final, the loser will be the final member of the jury. I'll read the vote.” Randy opens the shoe box.

 

The music crescendos as Tweek pulls his hair and Pete frowns.

 

“And the eighteenth person voted out and the final member of the jury is…”

 

Randy flips over the computer paper.

 

[Pete]

 

Wendy gasps audibly, Nichole grins.

 

Pete appears shocked, doesn't say anything and picks up his torch.

 

“Pete, the tribe has spoken.” Randy snuffed his torch. “It's time for you to go.”

 

Pete lights up a cigarette and peaces out.

 

“Henrietta, Tweek you two have made it as far as you can in this game. Now the power shifts to the jury. The nine of them will decide who will win the hundred dollars and hold the title of sole survivor. Enjoy your final night outside.”

 

Tweek still looks stunned as he picks up his little bag.

 

_Pete chills on the elimination recliner, “I'm impressed that Henrietta did that. I'm just unsure if she could have beaten either me or Tweek in the jury vote. Whatever the game was fun. Gg everyone.”_

 

**Ennui Tribe**

**Night 17**

* * *

_“Voting out Pete made me really FUCKING glad. Like he was such a douche.” Henrietta brushes her sleek black hair with a twig._

 

_Tweek is shown jumping up and down looking spazzed in the night vision “What the hell was Henrietta thinking! I think I just won the money! Thanks God!”_

 

Henrietta and Tweek regret burning down the camp a little bit. They cuddle for warmth, Tweek taking refuge in her bosom as it lightly snows on them.

 

The sun cracks the horizon warming everyone's gooch for the final tribal council. A shot is shown of the charred remains of the shelter in the morning sunlight as a female singer coos ethnically.

 

_“This is it, my last chance to convince everyone that I'm not a shaky piece of shit.” Tweek beams still tired._

 

_“I'm content, can you stop talking to me?” Henrietta spin kicks the cameraman in the dick._

 

**Final Tribal Council**

**Day 17**

* * *

Henrietta and Tweek walk in still dirty as tit and take their spots next to each other.

 

“Alright for the final time, let’s bring in the jury. Towelie,” Towelie has on a neat blue bowtie. It matches his towel skin.

 

“Wendy,” She is wearing a lilac dress, her hair pulled back into a bun,

 

“Bebe,” She has lost most of her baby weight and looks slick in her button up dress shirt and her black skirt.

 

“Cartman,” He struts in looking pretty much as he always does, fat and in those shit brown pants.

 

“Craig,” Craig still wears his blue hat, he smiles at Tweek since he’s gay.

 

“Kenny,” Doesn’t have any nice clothes so he is still wearing his ratty orange hoodie. He obviously sits with a boner.

 

“Nichole,” the black girl strides in in a cute floral dress. She gives a big toothy smile.

 

“Shelly,” Shelly stomps in wearing a white blouse and black recital pants, this is her Sunday best. She looks pissed off as she takes her seat.

 

“And voted out at the last tribal council, Pete.” He’s still wearing all black, Ponderosa gave him some hair dye and now the red in his hair is more vibrant than ever.

 

“Alright, before we give the jury a chance to interrogate you, each of our finalists will have a chance to give an opening statement. Tweek, the floor is yours,” the camera closes-in on Craig in the jury seating as Randy explains.

 

Tweek adjusts his posture in his seat, “When this game started, I was petrified that I was going to be voted off early. I dug my heels in and played as hard as I could. I feel that most of you underestimated me...for the most part. This was a daylight robbery, hand me the check.” Tweek proudly finishes his little statement.

 

Henrietta purses her lips. “My good friend Tweek here has had the privilege of being paranoid this game. None of you fags even gave me the time of day. I was playing from the outside in, and made it past each one of you without needing to scramble. I knew how and when to keep myself safe,” quick shots of the jury reacting ambiguously to this, finally landing on Nichole nodding slowly.

 

Randy nods after Henrietta’s diatribe. “Spicy, okay, the jury you will each get to ask Henrietta and Tweek a few questions. After that it will be closing statements and then you will have to decide who deserves the cheesy bread.”

 

“Craig, you’re up first.”

 

Craig sniffles as he stands up and takes his spot before the finalists. He holds himself stiffly.

 

“I don’t have anything to ask the fat emo chick,” Craig pipes up bluntly, Henrietta scowls. “Tweek, do you love me?”

 

Tweek stammers, “Y-yes.” The camera cuts to Pete who looks a bit annoyed.

 

Craig nods, satiated. “I’m outta here,” he takes his seat.

 

“Okayy,” Randy slightly taken aback. “Next up, Kenny.”

 

Kenny’s fine ass steps up, “My question is for both of you. On a scale of one to ten, how hot am I?”

 

Henrietta pipes up, “You would look better with a lip ring or something. Six.”

 

Kenny peers at Tweek, expectant.

 

Tweek mumbles, “Uhhh, blonds aren’t really my type, but eight.”

 

“Thanks, Good luck.” Kenny winks at them and sits down.

 

“Wendy, you’re up.”

 

Wendy nods and hops on up to address the final two.

 

“First I’d like to say congratulations to the both of you. You achieved what the rest of us failed to do. Now in this game we saw a lot of ugliness. Misogyny,” the camera cuts to Cartman. “Racism,” the camera shows Nichole. “Sexual assault,” the camera shows a long shot of Towelie and Shelly. “Did you stand idly by and let the evils of this game and real life corrupt those around you?” Wendy practically spitting being all indignant and sanctimonious.

Tweek furiously shaking his head in agreement as a virtue signal, “I tried voting Cartman like ten, ten, ten times. I tried butting out of conflict so my head wouldn’t be on the chopping block. What do you want Wendy?”

 

Henrietta shrugs, “I profited and that’s all the matters. I don’t give a tit about your white feminist problems.”

 

Wendy looking somewhat incensed. “Okay,” is all she can muster out as she returns to her stool.

 

“Bebe, you’re next.” Bebe fiercely jumps up.

 

“I’m glad I got to go after Wendy, my question is, what the hell happened to Dishrag? How could you let that happen to him?” Bebe on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

 

Tweek caught completely off-guard. “He uhhh, ran away.”

 

Henrietta lights a cigarette and begins smoking, “He tasted like chicken my dear.”

 

Bebe, now in tears, “Ugh!” She runs back to the jury bench. Towelie pats her back even though he raped her.

 

“Wow, next up is Cartman,” Randy now a bit uncomfortable.

 

“Well, well, well. The power is in my hands see?” Cartman cracks his fingers as he towers overs the firepit between him and the final two. “If you could play perfectly who would be sitting next to you in the final two?”

 

Henrietta frowns, “Uh, I think I did play perfectly. But if I had to pick someone else I would have brought Firkle.” She finishes her cigarette and stomps on it.

 

Tweek clears his throat, “My plan was originally to bring Towelie to the end.”

 

“Interesting, that’s all I need. See you later losers.” Cartman waddles back to his seat.

“Shelly, sweetums, you’re up. Randy stretches out his leg.

 

Shelly makes her way to her spot powerfully, turning to the finalists with a piercing glare.

 

“I was this close,” Shelly pinches two of her sausagey fingers together, “to winning the hundred dollars. I could almost taste it. My question is, give me three adjectives that you think describe how you played.”

 

Henrietta farts, “I don’t know, annoyed, and in the right place at the right time.” Shelly unfazed by this answer.

 

Tweek squints his eyes, showing great mental effort. “I played with intensity, adaptability, and FIRE.” Camera shows Wendy putting her face in her hands on the jury.

 

“Thanks turds,” Shelly spins around manly and goes back to the bench.

 

“Nichole, you’re up next,” Randy smiles at Nichole as she sunnily gets up and walks over, her dress flowing as she moved.

 

“I’ve been ready since I got voted out. Henrietta, I expected for someone like Big S to backstab me, but you? For really? I know Shelly was a wolf, but you...god damn it. You were the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Why the HELL should I vote your ass to win?” Nichole crosses her arms.

 

Henrietta flabbergasted, “I didn’t think I could beat you. It’s as simple as that...I’m sorry.” Henrietta forlornly stares at Nichole’s black mouth.

 

Nichole does not seemed impressed, “Tweek, I’m not going easy on you, you were spineless and a slug in this game. What did you do? Seriously riddle me that and you get my vote.”

 

Tweek is racistly afraid of Nichole’s black anger, “Well, I prevented rocks at final six?” He seems uncertain. “I always made sure there were bigger threats around me.”

 

“Dat it? Randy I’m good.” She drops her mic and sits back down.

 

Music slows down emotionally as Randy points at the gay goth boy. “Pete you’re up.”

 

Pete gently flips his hair out of his face as he turns directly to Tweek. “Tweek, I have one question for you. What was our relationship?”

 

Ethnic screaming as the camera shows Nichole’s mouth agape, Bebe making a stank face, Cartman looking thoroughly entertained, Craig looking like he wants to punch a titty.

 

Tweek, beet red, can hardly answer. “Strategic.” Henrietta looks away in discomfort.

 

Pete says nothing, and returns to his seat.

 

A tear runs down Randy’s face. Towelie runs over to dry it off before taking his spot in front of the finalists. “Towelie, finish us off,” Randy commands.

 

Towelie pulls a spliff out from behind his towel ear and sparks his crack lighter at the end, inhaling audibly. He blows a cloud of smoke, Wendy starts coughing like a pussy. “Puff or pass?”

 

Henrietta, a little bit intrigued by the hot bud, “Puff please,” Towelie scuttles over and hands her the blunt. She takes a big hit, because she’s a big girl.

 

Tweek glances at the towel, a bit discomforted. “Puff…” Tweek hesitantly takes the good good and like a noob sticks the burning end skraight into his mouth. He tries to hit it but immediately begins choking intensely. Kenny is shown making a face of judgment from his seat.

 

Towelie makes a little nod at Randy, thoroughly blazed. “That’s all I need to know, man.”

 

Randy is at this point feeling it a little from all the smoke in the very crowded tribal council area, “well then, for the last time, it’s time to vote. As a reminder, jury, you are voting for a WINNER. Finalists, you WANT to see your name on the parchment tonight. Shelly, dear, you’re up first.”

 

Shelly looking absolutely frigid as her black velvet pants walk over to the urn. She writes down a name. “Maybe you’re not a turd after all. Enjoy the hundred dollars,” a small smile peeks through her braces as she puts her vote in.

 

Craig giving Pete the evil eye as he walks over to the urn. He promptly scrawls [Tweek] on the parchment and holds it up faggily. “You win, we both win.”

 

Puffing out his chest Cartman struts up the walkway to the voting urn, “Whatever, I’ll win All Stars. You are the better option in my eyes.” The camera cuts away before he starts scribbling on the paper like a retard.

 

Wendy crisply sighs as she approaches the papers, writing in her fancy cursive, [Henrietta] “You both deserve it, but girl power I guess.”

 

Nichole looks straight ahead as she marches over to the urn. She writes down a name with a face of shock, shaking her head. Camera shows an overhead sidetitty shot as she holds up her vote. “Wow.”

 

A shot of Kenny’s sweet ass is shown for the last time as he walks up to the podium, he smiles and writes down a name.

 

Pete scowls on his way up, “This game has hurt me, I just want the world to burn, You are both conformists and I’d rather abstain.” After production prodding Pete eventually votes.

 

Bebe and her tits shiver on her way up, “Whoever wins, good job.” Bebe bends over to write down a name.

 

Lastly Towelie stumbles up, he’s really high, “Congrats!” He hiccups knocking over the voting urn.

 

Towelie returns to his seat, Randy nods and cleans up Towelie’s mess.

 

After tallying the vote, Randy dramatically returns with the urn and rests his hands on his podium. “Well, the winner of the hundred dollars is in this urn right here, but I won’t read these votes here, we’ll announce the winner in New York City!” Randy walks off down the street, into the sunset. Victorious strains and tribal screams are heard as the camera closes in on the final two sitting by the fire.


	17. Reunion

Randy pops out and the crowd loses their shit.

 

Everyone looks clean and a bit older. 

 

Randy smiles suddenly donning a leather jacket, “This has been a wild ride, thank you to our twenty guinea pigs. Now REMEMBER that you want to see your name, they were voting for a winner! I’ll tally the votes.”

 

Henrietta and Tweek recoil and hold each other’s hands. 

 

Randy melodramatically places the cover of the urn down next to it.

 

“First vote…” [Tweek]

 

The crowd erupts into cheers, camera shows shot of Tweek’s parents’ faces in the crowd.

 

“Next vote…” Randy dramatically pauses and the audience screams in anticipation. He giggles and opens the vote, [Henrietta]

 

Henrietta’s family is shown, ha mother claps extremely hard. Her brother Bradley is gay and smiling real hard. 

 

“Next vote…” the camera shows Tweek’s face, glowing with sweat. [Tweek]

 

A shot of Craig proud and horny.

 

“Fourth vote,” Randy holds the vote for an extra second, [Tweek]

 

The gays in the audience yell for gay Tweek. “Takes five votes to win. Five votes left. Next vote…” [Henrietta] . 

 

The crowd doesn’t get as loud, most of the goths refuse to play along to the conformist applause. 

 

“Next vote…” Randy makes a face of surprise as he reveals the next vote, written in fancy cursive. [Henrietta] The audience screams as Wendy is shown grinning shittily. “We’re tied, three votes Tweek, three votes Henrietta. Three votes left,” Randy grandstands as Henrietta is shown slightly perturbed by the loud reaction by emos in the audience.

 

The camera shows Tweek, who is on the edge of his seat. 

 

“Seventh vote,” Randy opens this vote fast, [Henry]

 

A camera shot of the jury shows Craig looking pissed off, Nichole’s black mouth breaks into a wide smile.

 

“And the next vote…” Randy gives a shit eating grin, “And the winner of Survivor: South Park… [Henrietta]

 

Henrietta gasps and falls to the floor.

 

The pre merge hussies run out to camera mug.  Firkle jumps on Henrietta’s big tummy like “wee”, she still on the floor.

 

Randy lookin all jolly as the cast is hugging each other on the stage, it’s mad noisy and he screams “A wild debut season, we’ll talk more with our contestants in a minute, we’ll be asking Towelie is he clean? We’ll talk to Wendy, Cartman, and more after some messages, shoutout to these tunes arranged by Veronica Crabtree!” the camera shows Mrs. Crabtree rockin out on that synth as the screen fades out.

 

After the Cheesy Poofs commercial, it cuts to the twenty castaways sitting on a three tiered bench. Randy waves his hand around to signal for the audience to shut the fuck up.

 

“This was a shocking season all the way thru, but to many the most shocking moment came right at the close, when our winner Henrietta Biggle,” the camera shows a close-up of her looking all dolled-up and happy, “committed goth-on-goth crime on her friend Pete Hastie,” close-up on Pete nodding sadly before cutting away to footage of Pete shedding a faggy lil tear as his torch gets snuffed.

 

Back to Randy, “Pete, after playing such a strategic game, how did it feel to get taken out by your right-hand bitch?”

 

“I probably should have won but I honestly don’t give a fuck anymore Randy,” Pete wincing as Bebe is shown nodding emphatically the row behind him.

 

“But let’s be realistic Pete, had Henrietta stuck to plan and took you to the end-- I mean, who on that jury would have voted for Pete?” Randy insists douchily.

 

Awkward silence as part of the crowd cheers wildly, Bebe and Tweek awkwardly raise their hands. Kenny shrugs.

 

Randy painfully changes the subject, “And let’s not forget about Tweek, just a few votes short of the hundred dollars,” loud applause is heard. “Tweek, how has your life been since the show ended?”

 

Tweek blushes. “Survivor really changed my life, it inspired me and my boyfriend to take the next step and now we’re married,” he shows off his ring. Craig reaches down to him from the bench above, straining to reach Tweek over Cartman’s fat thigh.

 

The audience screams wildly as Randy is all like “ooooh.” As they quiet down Randy takes the opportunity to address Craig, “And would the new Mr. Tweek ever return to Survivor again?”

 

Craig is repulsed by this question. “No.” The top of Pete’s discomforted-looking face is visible in the bottom of the haphazard camera shot.

 

“One of Tweek’s most noted moves was his blindside of my own little boy, Stan,” cheers are heard as the camera closes in on Stan, who’s wearing a fancy turtleneck sweater. He awkwardly waves of the applause as Randy continues, “Stan how did it feel to be beat by your sister this season?”

 

The women in the audience scream loudly as Shelly pops up and shows off her biceps.

 

Stan doesn’t know what to say, his moment clearly stolen. “I don’t know, proud?”

 

“Thanks, turd,” Shelly turns around and condescends him, provoking laughs from the audience. Red’s livid face is visible in the background of the shot.

 

A return from another gay commercial shows a flashback to the goth tribe going to rocks, Michael looking apathetic as he strolls away from Tribal Council. 

 

Randy looks amused, “The goth tribe was, frankly, a train wreck at the start of this game. I can’t believe one of you won!” He exaggerates an incredulous expression to provoke laughs from the audience. “Michael, how did it feel to be taken out by drawing the wrong rock?”

 

Michael looks surprised to be asked a question. “Uhh, it was pretty gay I guess, but this whole experience was pretty gay.”

 

“Firkle, often deemed the weakest link of the Black tribe. Just when it seemed like the tribe swap saved your life, you were sent packing. Are you and the other goths still friends?”

 

“Yeah it’s cool,” Firkle and Michael look uncomfortable as the shot closes in on them and Butters. “This was like two years ago anyway, I don’t care man.”

 

Henrietta pipes up, clutching her hundred dollar check possessively. “Just because I won the game of capitalism doesn’t mean I’ve changed or any of us have changed. I’m gonna spend this hundred dollars on cigarettes and eyeliner.”

 

“Another tribe that got off to a rough start was the Blue tribe, let’s take a look,” Randy points to a random corner. Footage plays of Token bossing the tribe around loudly, Tweek crying, Towelie smoking weed and Token getting blindsided as Clyde’s mouth is AGAPE.

 

“Token, your ouster was another shocker,” Randy talks to the black boy as he is seen nodding confidently in agreement. “Seeing the season play out, do you still think they made a mistake?”

 

“You know Randy, uh, it doesn’t matter if my going or not going would have helped their game, I was voted out for a bigger reason, and that is racism,” Token looking very woke in a hat and shades. Clyde looks very uncomfortable in the row in front of him.

 

Craig makes a pouty face, “I voted you out because you were being annoying.”

 

Token scoffs, “It’s okay Craig, I know you’re ruh. It’s fine.”

 

Randy breaks in to whitesplain the situation, “But Nichole, you made it all the way to top five!” Black women can be heard cheering in the audience.

 

Nichole opens her mouth to answer, but is cut off by Wendy sitting a few seats over. “Randy, it’s uncanny how this game emulates real life. I thought my smarts could win me that hundred bucks but in the end, the ugliness of the game got to me, I couldn’t be an assassin anymore.” Cartman, two seats down from Wendy, is visible stifling his laughter. Wendy gets stank realizing this, but continues anyway, “In the end it mattered more to me to get out racist, chauvinist assholes like Eric Cartman than figuring out my best path to victory.”

 

Randy’s eyes open up wide shiestily. “Cartman, do you have a response to that?”

 

Cartman rolls his eyes. “It’s just a game, bitch. Need some help getting that sand out of your vagina?”

 

Nichole breaks ha silence. “It’s easy for you to say it’s just a game when you haven’t been pushed down every day of your life for being a monkey or a welfare queen. I had to represent my people ever since Token got voted out on Day 2, and I think my longevity in the game is thanks solely to me. I didn’t get no help.” More screams from the black women in the audience as Token raises a fist in solidarity.

 

Randy awkwardly smiles and segways into the next segment, “Another very controversial castaway, he smoked, he overdosed, he raped, it’s none other than Towelie.” The crowd boos. 

 

Towelie waves his short towel arms “I’m not a crook!” He slurs. 

 

“Towelie, what caused your behaviour out on the island?” Randy incredulously asks.

 

Towelie rolls another joint, earning glares from Kyle and Butters in the row above him. “It was all strategy see, it would have worked if Bebe didn’t have her baybay, see?” 

 

Bebe agrees with a short nod, Randy jumps to her, “Bebe, you lost your baby because of the cannibalistic nature of this cast, how have you been?” 

 

She shakes her blonde ass head, “I’ve been doing well, I adopted a small handkerchief to ease the pain. She’s about four months old now and I’m so happy.” The camera cuts to a picture of Bebe cradling her handkerchief. 

 

“So no hard feelings toward the cast for their actions?” Randy pries.

 

Bebe fakes a smile. “I try to forget,” clearly trying to ignore Cartman sitting right the tit next to her.

 

Tired of being tiptoed around, Cartman jumps his fat tits into the conversation. “Aight listen, if you were out there with nothing, absolutely nothing to eat but the Cheesey Poof dust out the bag and maybe a pinecone, when Keeny’s gay ass stole the damn piggy, that you wouldn’t eat the retarded towel miscarriage?”

 

Wendy is seen slowly turning toward Cartman in feminist rage, the cast breaks into argument as Randy frightenedly signals for a commercial break.

 

The Chinpokomon commercial ends and some of the contestants have switched seats due to the argument. Randy clearly looks pressed for time. “Alright really quick, just to talk to a few more of you, Kyle how did it feel to suck so hard in this game?”

 

Kyle purses his lips sentimentally. “I mean I think I learned something, it wasn’t really about winning the hundred dollars I mean, Henrietta’s still kind of a loser and I got that stipend check-”

 

Randy cuts him off, “Butters your elimination was heartbreaking, have you recovered?”

 

Butters frowns with regret. “I do feel like I have some unfinished business out there in the woods, but I am oh so proud of myself for how hard I tried, hi Mom and Dad!” he excitedly waves to his parents in the audience.

 

“And finally Henrietta, what do you have to say to any Survivor hopefuls out there, who are dreaming of applying?”

 

Henrietta looks bemused. “Fuck you mom!”

 

“I’m afraid we’re all out of time to talk to our incredible cast, because we need to show you a special sneak preview of our NEXT season, that’s right we got renewed! And we are going to the MYSTIC RUINS,” he points to another corner of the camera shot.

A dramatic drum begins to play and a man begins to scream “Oh way ohhhh,” A flock of chaos land on the muddy ground. “In the hot and humid jungle of South America, twenty four people will hit the ground running.” The silhouette of a girl with braids is shown diving for a flag. 

 

“They will build a new society and while getting acquainted with this exotic, mystical new location,” shots of the jungle and suspiciously cultural-looking pyramid thing, “they’ll be battling the elements -- and each other.”

 

Several sets of legs shown running down the beach, “With the prize money raising to a thousand dollars, the game can only get uglier… this spring Survivor is BACK!”

 

Sneakers shown running through the jungle. “Speed’s my game.”

 

Bottom half of a fat body shown working on a puzzle with a voiceover, “Wahaha they’ll never see me coming.”

 

Female with prominent cameltoe legs are shown as the tribal screaming intensifies, “I want to show the world that I can overcome the HIV virus AND the game of Survivor.”

 

The logo spins around, ‘Survivor: Mystic Ruins; Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games’ APRIL

 

Randy and the twenty South Park biddies are having their after party. “Thank you for watching catch you next season!” He shoots his gun for the last time. It hits Kenny. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The jury's votes were Kenny, Craig, and Bebe voted for Tweek and the other six voted for Henrietta. I know a lot of you were rooting for Tweek to win, however it makes more sense to us that jury didn’t respect his game. Thanks again for reading, I hope you stick around for our other seasons we plan to do! We are very proud that we actually finished this. If you have any lingering questions don’t be afraid to leave a review!


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